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Feel like I am sinking under
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jillylin posted:
Hey Fibrofamily,
not been here lately as things just overwhelmed me. I had to stop working due to the fibre and it has made me even more depressed. I kind of got it into my head that there would be a miracle and I would feel better instantly. And I feel worse.

Mom broke her hip just over a week ago and has been hospitalised. It was the same hip she broke last time. She also has dementia and this latest fall seems to have increased things over 100%. I have my 90 year old dad staying with me so am struggling to stay upbeat, look after him and hide the fibre . I wish I could go hide away.

I had my review with my Occupational therapist and the pain psychologist and my 20 minute appointment turned into 40 minutes of me breaking down and crying. Just feel I am hanging on by my fingertips.

Sorry for the whining when I know you all suffer even more but you are the only people I know that I can talk to who don't think fibre doesn't exist .
Hugs
Jilly in the UK
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booch007 responded:
Jilly...glad you broke down with them, when I was in a similar situation I wanted to drive into a tree.

The crisis intervention team that I knew at the hospital sat with me and they said..."look this is situational depression" I didn't have all that you have on your plate and anyone would be crumbling with all this.

I hate to hear of the transition to home from working as I know that is such a part that defines us, makes us be positive about sellf. BUT...you couldn't have stayed involved in the workforce with the parental issues you have.

The loss of definition in the day will get better when you get a habit formed..right now you are lost and being thrown so much to deal with to cope....(give a shout out to Dr. Margaret here..se if she has tools for you)

Here in the states you can get "respite care" for an elderly parent when you need a break....."YOU NEED A BREAK"

Our minds are so much a part of this disease and how much we suffer and ache.....it sounds like such a bad place right now. See if you can get help. Same with the hospital Mom is in...get the social worker involved. I have no idea of the UK's function but there must be help out there tht you are not aware of.

My heart goes out to you. I can say that you are amazing to take Dad in and care for him and watch over Mom too. Life is truely a circle "circle of life" and those that raised us at some point need to be raised.......so much harder if you yourself need help to keep yourself together.

My hopes are that the hospital or a nursing facility can give you a break. Called *respite care*. Call the office of the aging there and see what they can do for you. This sounds so crisis like.

Get your toolbox for you and do what has worked for you...hot soaks, heating pad...a sedative to tolerate dementia, a buddy to lean on with the frustrations you have...geez I wish I was near to give you a break and look at the situation as a nurse and troubleshoot for you.

Keep it here...keep us involved to maybe guide you. There are so many suffering here and those who may have walked this path that may have a guide for you.

(((hugs and hugs))))) NancyB
 
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dakotaspirit1957 responded:
Hi... My heart goes out to you... I sometimes hear of loved ones like you taking care of their loved ones and dealing with pain and FM and illness of their own... and wonder how my sons do it... My youngest son works around 50 to 65 hours a week and takes care of his 2 children and me... And has chronic neck pain and FM... And my oldest son is already unable to work due to his back problems and pain and possibly FM... and helps take care of me and my sons children when I can't take care of them... I can be a hand full...

When I get so bad I can't walk on my own and can't move and exercise alone it kills them to help me... But they are there for me... About the only thing I can still manage to do is wake my son up in the morning for work... And that is only cus I wake up early due to pain... If I have to hear my alarm clock it doesn't work... I am going deaf and can't hear my alarm already...

I always wanted to be there if my parents needed help... My
Dad is 91 and can outrun me for years now... He is just now slowing down... When he retired he sped up... And my Mom has had problems but can still outrun me... and she is 84... She can bake and cook all day and I can't do it for 15 minutes...

I commend you for taking care of your parents... Just remember to be good to yourself too... Do something special for yourself whenever you can... A nice long shower or bubble bath... with nice soothing music playing... make time to read a good book or watch your favorite movie... or just take time for you... I have plenty of time alone but not for me... I get up an hour before I have to wake my son and spend an hour here reading or messaging if I can...

Nancy gave you some great advice I hope some of it works out for you... Is there any other family that might help out... Just to give you a few hour break... To rest or just go out for a cup of coffee... to be alone...

It is so hard to find time to be carefree when you are so depressed and overwrought... That is why you must do your best to pace and take care of you too...

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...

Take care... Love... Jan/Dakota
 
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katmandulou responded:
Jilly:
Thanks for stopping by and letting us know how you're doing. You can always whine to us - it's why we're here, to help each other!

I know what you're going through. My parents are elderly, Mom has Alzheimer's and Dad is living alone for the first time in his life. I too have sat in the exam room wearing a paper covering and cried in frustration. You're a brave woman for taking your Dad into your home and caring for him. Are you married? Have children? They will learn compassion, and that's a great gift!!

Nancy B is right - you need a break! I hope there is someplace near you that can care of your Dad for even a day or two so you can get some rest. Here we also have in-your-home caregivers, who will come into your home so you can do errands, go to doc appts, etc. It's a 'baby-sitter' for the elderly.

Let us know how you're doing, Jilly. We really do care! And I wish you the best day you can possibly have today.
Lou


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