Can't tolerate family member....ok to let go of people who don't get it and frustrate you to the max?
Cormacbolano posted:
Hi, I'm new but not to fibro. Recently I went through a stressful time with the sale of a family business. I found that I cannot put up with my feelings toward my father's wife anymore. She keeps asking me to babysit my father while she goes off (she's retired) and plays. They have mega $resources. If I could be a caregiver, I would be working as an RN like I used to 14 years ago. She was deceitful during the sale of the family business and there is a ton of stuff that I can't stand about her. (such as making sure my father's children aren't in his will, for instance),
I don't get anything back emotionally because she doesn't disclose honestly and emotionally. All she does is keep insisting that I take care of my Dad. I have a 4 hour day. 10 am to 2 pm max and then I'm toast. I have explained many times about fibro, its fatigue, its limitations. She says she knows about fibromyalgia. . Doesn't matter, she still thinks I should do what she wants. I blew up at her, finally and I'm done with her. for good. I'll be able to see my Dad because every other month she leaves him for her vacations. I called APS on her because she leaves my father alone in the house at night and he had an injury. Now, she gets it.
Have others felt the same way and have broken off with certain people? I find that if I don't get something back from a person, I have very little patience for a relationship after months of trying to make it work. I only have limited time and energy. I'd rather help my son with his children. He needs the help more than my father does.
Thanks for reading this long post.
I don't get anything back emotionally because she doesn't disclose honestly and emotionally. All she does is keep insisting that I take care of my Dad. I have a 4 hour day. 10 am to 2 pm max and then I'm toast. I have explained many times about fibro, its fatigue, its limitations. She says she knows about fibromyalgia. . Doesn't matter, she still thinks I should do what she wants. I blew up at her, finally and I'm done with her. for good. I'll be able to see my Dad because every other month she leaves him for her vacations. I called APS on her because she leaves my father alone in the house at night and he had an injury. Now, she gets it.
Have others felt the same way and have broken off with certain people? I find that if I don't get something back from a person, I have very little patience for a relationship after months of trying to make it work. I only have limited time and energy. I'd rather help my son with his children. He needs the help more than my father does.
Thanks for reading this long post.
5 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Can't tolerate family member....ok to let go of people who don't get it and frustrate you to the max?Hi, I'm new but not to fibro. Recently I went through a stressful time with the sale of a family business. I found that I cannot put up with my feelings toward my father's wife anymore. She keeps asking me to babysit my father while she goes off (she's retired) and plays. They have mega $resources. If I could be a caregiver, I would be working as an RN like I used to 14 years ago. She was deceitful during the sale of the family business and there is a ton of stuff that I can't stand about her. (such as making sure my father's children aren't in his will, for instance), <br /><br />I don't get anything back emotionally because she doesn't disclose honestly and emotionally. All she does is keep insisting that I take care of my Dad. I have a 4 hour day. 10 am to 2 pm max and then I'm toast. I have explained many times about fibro, its fatigue, its limitations. She says she knows about fibromyalgia. . Doesn't matter, she still thinks I should do what she wants. I blew up at her, finally and I'm done with her. for good. I'll be able to see my Dad because every other month she leaves him for her vacations. I called APS on her because she leaves my father alone in the house at night and he had an injury. Now, she gets it.<br /><br />Have others felt the same way and have broken off with certain people? I find that if I don't get something back from a person, I have very little patience for a relationship after months of trying to make it work. I only have limited time and energy. I'd rather help my son with his children. He needs the help more than my father does.<br /><br />Thanks for reading this long post.
Agrapina responded:
IMHO people with their myriad agendas can be toxic to your well-being. Avoid them like the plague if at all possible. Don't be sorry, don't look back and don't make excuses. Toxic is toxic.
Report This| Share this:Can't tolerate family member....ok to let go of people who don't get it and frustrate you to the max?IMHO people with their myriad agendas can be toxic to your well-being. Avoid them like the plague if at all possible. Don't be sorry, don't look back and don't make excuses. Toxic is toxic.
xperky responded:
I understand. It seems some people are just prone to taking advantage of others. They don't think that's what they are doing, but if things were reversed they would certainly see it. It seems to me that in these recent decades, more people are self-absorbed.
It isn't healthy to be around people like that when we are limited in our abilities. Our time is precious so we need to spend it with people who help us, not hurt us.
Sorry you have been through all those negative things. Also sorry your dad is in need of care.
It isn't healthy to be around people like that when we are limited in our abilities. Our time is precious so we need to spend it with people who help us, not hurt us.
Sorry you have been through all those negative things. Also sorry your dad is in need of care.
With Compassion,
Margaret
Margaret
Report This| Share this:Can't tolerate family member....ok to let go of people who don't get it and frustrate you to the max?I understand. It seems some people are just prone to taking advantage of others. They don't think that's what they are doing, but if things were reversed they would certainly see it. It seems to me that in these recent decades, more people are self-absorbed. <br /> <br />It isn't healthy to be around people like that when we are limited in our abilities. Our time is precious so we need to spend it with people who help us, not hurt us.<br /> <br />Sorry you have been through all those negative things. Also sorry your dad is in need of care.
Cormacbolano replied to Agrapina's response:
Thanks for your comment. Don't look back is great advice.
I knew that only other fibros would understand that I can't be roped into someone's employ (I'm a rebel by nature anyway).
C
I knew that only other fibros would understand that I can't be roped into someone's employ (I'm a rebel by nature anyway).
C
Report This| Share this:Can't tolerate family member....ok to let go of people who don't get it and frustrate you to the max?Thanks for your comment. Don't look back is great advice.<br />I knew that only other fibros would understand that I can't be roped into someone's employ (I'm a rebel by nature anyway).<br /><br />C
Cormacbolano replied to xperky's response:
Thank you experky for replying. I guess I feel guilty for blowing up at this woman, my father's wife and for "not taking care of my father" but it is the woman's insistence at not spending my father's money ("her money") on care that underscores the situation. She'd much rather control me and get free labor.
It's unfortunate but necessary that in an angry phone call from her I was able to extract all the truths in the situation.
At least my Dad will get some fresh faces to interact with if she hires some caregivers for daytime. With me, he tries to play the father role and our interaction is about 10 minutes and he's done.
Although I don't usually subscribe to slippery slope arguments, in my step-mother's case, not only does she tell me that she wants me to sit 3 times a week, but so she can go overnight to friends' houses out of town. That's fine. But I am not the person to ask. She is not capable of empathy. I feel sorry for her. A bit narcissistic I think
Thank you for listening!
C.
It's unfortunate but necessary that in an angry phone call from her I was able to extract all the truths in the situation.
At least my Dad will get some fresh faces to interact with if she hires some caregivers for daytime. With me, he tries to play the father role and our interaction is about 10 minutes and he's done.
Although I don't usually subscribe to slippery slope arguments, in my step-mother's case, not only does she tell me that she wants me to sit 3 times a week, but so she can go overnight to friends' houses out of town. That's fine. But I am not the person to ask. She is not capable of empathy. I feel sorry for her. A bit narcissistic I think
Thank you for listening!
C.
Report This| Share this:Can't tolerate family member....ok to let go of people who don't get it and frustrate you to the max?Thank you experky for replying. I guess I feel guilty for blowing up at this woman, my father's wife and for "not taking care of my father" but it is the woman's insistence at not spending my father's money ("her money") on care that underscores the situation. She'd much rather control me and get free labor.<br /><br />It's unfortunate but necessary that in an angry phone call from her I was able to extract all the truths in the situation. <br /><br />At least my Dad will get some fresh faces to interact with if she hires some caregivers for daytime. With me, he tries to play the father role and our interaction is about 10 minutes and he's done.<br /><br />Although I don't usually subscribe to slippery slope arguments, in my step-mother's case, not only does she tell me that she wants me to sit 3 times a week, but so she can go overnight to friends' houses out of town. That's fine. But I am not the person to ask. She is not capable of empathy. I feel sorry for her. A bit narcissistic I think<br /><br />Thank you for listening! <br /><br />C.
KatmanduLou responded:
I don't blame you for wanting to distance yourself from your Dad's wife. She sounds awful! Are you sure your Dad is being cared for properly when she's there? If not, intervention is needed. If he needs care when she's not there, and they have "mega $resources", they should either pay you or pay someone else.
As an aside, if you believe she has committed a crime in her deceit, you should say something. Has she has forced him to take you and your sibs out of his will, or was it what he wanted? Next time you can get him alone, ask. If he's confused by your question, you'll need to speak with his doc and/or lawyer.
Just my 2c worth,
Lou
As an aside, if you believe she has committed a crime in her deceit, you should say something. Has she has forced him to take you and your sibs out of his will, or was it what he wanted? Next time you can get him alone, ask. If he's confused by your question, you'll need to speak with his doc and/or lawyer.
Just my 2c worth,
Lou
Report This| Share this:Can't tolerate family member....ok to let go of people who don't get it and frustrate you to the max?I don't blame you for wanting to distance yourself from your Dad's wife. She sounds awful! Are you sure your Dad is being cared for properly when she's <i>there</i>? If not, intervention is needed. If he needs care when she's not there, and they have "mega $resources", they should either pay you or pay someone else. <br /><br />As an aside, if you believe she has committed a crime in her deceit, you should say something. Has she has forced him to take you and your sibs out of his will, or was it what <i>he</i> wanted? Next time you can get him alone, ask. If he's confused by your question, you'll need to speak with his doc and/or lawyer.<br /><br />Just my 2c worth,<br />Lou
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