Fibromyalgia Community

Hi there. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom. And my dear yes!!! I have anxiety bad and don't handle stress well and boy dose that effect your fibro. My anxiety is more so situational and dealing with my health issues at 23 and not being able to live like it wan't its scary and depressing. Dealing with a death can be extremely hard. When ever your body gets put through stress fibro flares. One of the most causes of a flare. Hang in there i'm here if you need to vent. We all are here for each other and understand! Try nice warm baths or showers at night. Warm water can help and its soothing. I pray for your strength to get though this God bless you! Huggs

So sorry to hear of your mom, Jilly. That kind of stress - dealing with grief, organizing a funeral, taking care of others - is very hard on the FM!

You will find ways to get through this. Rachg's idea of warm baths or showers is really good for you right now, if you can make the time!

Try to ask friends and family to help you. They will probably feel good that you asked for their support. Just try to be specific in the request. For instance - Bobby, can you tidy up the yard? Susan, can you get this list at the grocery store? Betty, can you spend 2 hours with Dad today? Karen, can you bring a tray of cookies to the wake? You get the idea. I write to-do lists to get through these kinds of events.

We are here for you too. Be sure to take some time off as soon as possible, so your body, mind and soul can recuperate. Put that on your list too!

My condolences.

Dearest jilliyin... I am so sorry to hear of your Mom... It is so hard to deal with just a loved one's death yet take on all you have... I commend you for being there for your Dad... I know being a parent and having lost my husband a little over a year ago how great it is to have the love and support of my children...

You just do the best you can and make sure you take care of you too... I know that is sometimes very hard to do... But it is a must... Rachg's suggestion of the hot bath or shower is great... I would like to suggest to make time for it... don't just fit it in... Make time for your stretches on a regular basis and pace yourself as best you can...

Yes please ask others for help... They loved him and love you too... I am sure there are people to support and help you...

I would like to ask you to do one thing more... Do something special for yourself everyday... When I lost a dear Uncle last month... One more like a father to me... I talked to him... I couldn't make it to say goodbye so I told him why and told him thank you for all he has done for me... It made me feel special... almost as special as he made me feel...

Watch a movie you love... Read a bit of a favorite book... I watch a movie I have seen so often I have it memorized... And there is no need to do anything but listen to... So I use it to meditate and relax...

Or just be alone to release all the emotions of the day... Or be with someone special you can safely share them with... Don't fear your tears and don't fear depression... They are normal... In my life it is only when I fight them that I get into trouble... They come with the mourning and releasing them and accepting them help them leave...

I hope today is an easier day then yesterday... And tomorrow is so much brighter... Your Mom would want you and your Dad to be happy and live in joy with each other... Sharing her dear memories...

I hope I didn't lecture you... I tend to share too much sometimes... I only hope to help...

Take care... Love... Jan/Dakota

Dear Jillylin,

I understand exactly what you are going through. Stress can effect you in so many different ways. I lost my younger brother January 23, 2013. He was my mom's care giver.I had to find her 24 hour care, someone to get groceries for her and to deliver her medications. I did not realize how much my brother did for her. I tried to get her to move to north Florida with me, but she refuses to leave her home in Tampa. January 13th, while my brother was still in ICU I discovered my husband had a 33 year girlfriend on the internet. He said since I was too sick from FM and recent knee surgery that he found a woman that could take care of his needs. So we are now in the process of getting a divorce. I have never hurt as bad as I have in the last 2 months. My doctor doubled my Cymbalta which has helped a lot.

One thing I like to do is put on some really good music and find a quite spot to sit or lay down. I use head phones so the outside world does not bother me. I will sing along or just relax. It really helps me. Sometimes going for a drive by myself with good music in the CD player. Things will start to get better soon. You just have to be sure to take some "me" time and the heck to anyone who doesn't understand.

I am so sorry for the loss of you Mom. I will pray for you and your dad. Have you called your doctor to explain the extra stress you are under. He/she may be able to help also.

Gentle hugs,
Debbie Brooks (soon to be Debbie Lewis)