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    Where did I go
    Jp0577 posted:
    Hey all. Guess we r all in the same boat. I've had fm now for 2yrs. It has consumed my life dreams and mind. I try not to allow it but it wears me down so much I end up crying. I know u all know what I'm saying. No one understands unless they have fm. I have found I am allergic to all and any pain meds. And most fm meds. Now that really play in ur mind there is so much I don't know how to start. Most of my fm has settled in my wrist hands knuckles and fingers. Hip feet and some times back and shoulders. It's not so much muscle although is still in background it's joints I am a custodian and I like my job. But it's a physical job. Takes a lot out of me daily. I've missed a lot of work due to pain and other times just trying to work out what meds I can take. Just w that alone I want to give up. But more then the pain is all the activities I've been forced to give up. It breaks my heart. It kills me to give away my dreams. I was a active out door lover. I live in Ohio so I don't have to tell u about the rain or cold. I had a horse my life long passion. Softball , hiking ,camping ,four wheeling. All gone. It tares my body up. Now I still camp but have to live like I'm 80. Only do small tasks and only for a limited time. If not the next day I pay. I watch my diet. Gluten free lactose free low sugar. Now that don't leave much to eat but I must follow this diet due to my health. I use to use a treadmill now I hurt so bad I can't. I need my feet and strength for work. I can't even do normal things with out paying the next day. I went to car wash to spray off my car. Went great car looked good. Next day pain all in my shoulders hands. I just feel beaten down. I can't help but be depressed and cry. I feel I should move into the nursing home. My husband does good to take care of me. Knows when I hurt but he don't truly get it ,understand it that makes it even harder makes me feel lost alone and a burden Some time I wonder how ill go on. Thinking of the future isn't bright anymore. It's scary. I don't know how long I'll b able to work. I don't want disability bc then ill feel like a retired race horse. DONE. I don't know what to do. How to feel. Where to get help. The meds I take are like taking a baby aspirin for a migraine Thanks for listening
    crystalgreeneyes responded:
    I know how you feel and I understand your pain. Like you, I was always very active, I had a great job and was making a lot of money. At the weekends I would go out dancing with my sister, entertain, cook, clean and exercise daily. At age 54 I went back to school (the pain was beginning around then) but I just thought it would go away. I excelled in my course and was the top honour student. Now it is a year later and my dreams of opening my own business and doing what I trained so hard to do, have turned to dust and blown away with every other piece of my life that I used to enjoy. I don't work at all. My pain is mostly all in my back, my elbows and here and there at other times. I get headaches a lot. Like you, I am also very sensitive to medication and I cannot take anything for the relentless pain because it either makes me extremely sick, or makes my pain worse, in addition to what other side effects there may be. If they have them, I experience them. I take sleeping pills and anti-anxiety medication because at least I have to sleep and even they bother me to some degree.
    You have cut gluten and sugar; they bother me too. Try a compounding pharmacy to see what ingredients may be effecting you and they will try to find supplements that you may be able to take. The Vit D I was taking had palm oil and that was apparently the cause of my extreme nausea.
    I have so much fear, for the future, it is very scary. I don't know what will become of me and I don't know what to do.
    I suggest a naturopathic dr., a counsellor, other support in your community.. this is very important. The chiropractor with training in neurology (this is related) will help with your pain and your anxiety. It's hard work; you keep hoping for someone, something that will help but you just have to keep on trying. I have a social worker who will accompany me to the dr. as my advocate because she can clearly see how much I am struggling. Sometimes we want to give, many days we cry.
    Keep wears you out but there is chiro. massage, myofascial release technique, acupuncture, trigger point injection. special diet and exercise programs (heated pool) I can't afford most of this myself but if you are able to try some of these things, please do It is daily struggle. In the first few years especially we can be very angry at a life taken away from us. Please be strong.

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