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    Be Positive with Me Know How?
    dakotaspirit1957 posted:
    I know how can I always be so positive and yet deal with such negativity... I have to or I couldn't teach myself a vital part of my life... To Be Me... To Share Me... To Love Me... And To Be Kind To Me...
    My counselor says I have that in the wrong order... I need to love me first... For me I have to be me and share me to love me... and then to do all of that I have to do the hardest thing of all... To Be KIND To Me... If I can't do that there is no "being me/sharing me/loving me..."

    I truly try daily to walk beyond the adversity... Some caused by me for I have PTSD and I am Manic and have fits of rage towards my oldest son at times.. He is the one that takes the brunt of it for he acts like his dad still and gets in my face to yell at me... He is working on it... But usually after every time I am ill like I have been again I have amends to make... I think my new meds dose helped this time.. I will ask him today... For I also black out a lot.. Today is his day of rest and later we will have some quality time together...

    Sometimes being kind to me means stepping aside... The grandkids

    Mom visited over Easter and had a huge fight with Daddy... Both saying things at least he told the kids he is sorry for.. She hasn't called or talked to them... But has called my son... She is leaving state again on the 19th... But it seems every time she is near them they are hurt... the last time she got mad at Hailey and told her that she has no brain that's why she get's into trouble... Then she told her it's because I have no brain and it wasn't her fault... She got into trouble the next day and told me this... I Mentioned it to my son and he said he heard her say this but didn't think Hailey understood what it meant... I said evidently she did... She is 4 1/2... The poor children will suffer when she leaves but I think they suffer more now... Keep them in your thoughts and prayers... thanks...

    I am not really holding my own... up one day and down 3... And no I truly am not overdoing it... I am doing everything I should be doing and maybe less... I had my epidural and I was already flaring... Mostly just fatigued... It wiped me out big time lol... My son thought for sure they put me out... lol... It was like a truck was standing on me... I was in slower than slow motion and falling asleep standing up... And no he didn't put me out... Then my colitis wanted to set in again but the powder drink subsided that... Then I just got done sleeping again for a day and a half... not waking to alarms... phones... missed getting my granddaughter off the bus when the car broke down and my son didn't make it in time.. He said he ran in and I turned off the alarm and went right back to sleep... I am not like that... So I was far gone...

    I feel bright eyed yet today... I am outside it is about 60 degrees out been raining most of the night and filled our pool... In AZ that says a lot... lol... And it is a big in-ground pool... But my son came in about 9 last night when the sandstorm turned to a beautiful strong rain and said you have to smell this.... It was beautiful... The smell... The sound... and yes I had to feel it too lol...

    Maybe it was nature's healing... A nice cool fresh breeze coming in my window all night... No dusty heat lol... Or dusty stale air lol... Just mother nature's cleanliness... Freeing my soul with her spirit and my spirit with her freshness... Makes sense to me lol...

    So I will go read some or delete most of my email lol.... and enjoy this wonderfully cool weather...

    Take care... love... Jan/Dakota
    BetteK responded:
    Oh Jan, negative people can influence us and our fibro in so many ways. It isn't enough that we feel like the dregs of the earth, we have to deal with people who seem to LIKE making things worse.

    Five yourself time to get over the epidural and all its effects. You needed that sleep. It was a time for your body to heal. Besides, if you're like most of us, you had months of sleep to catch up on. No wonder you felt so much better and were able to enjoy the beautiful cool after the rain.

    One more thing. Don't beat up on yourself over things other people do. Just do your best. Then let it go. Second guessing only brings more pain and fog and fatigue. You have been "blessed" with FM. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to manage your condition. Accept that. Of course there will be times when others have trouble with their extra responsiblities. That's only natural. You have trouble realizing that there are things you can no longer do. This is YOUR body and you are sometimes overwhelmed. Think what it must be for those who love you.

    Now, mend the fences you need to with your son. Tell Hailey how wonderful, beautiful, and smart she is. Tell her often. This is something you can do for her and for you. Be as positive as you can be with the people who are a permanent part of your life. Try to abide those who are, thankfully, transient. (Naming no names.) Just be aware that you all will need some extra lovingcare when things return to normal.

    Be good to yourself and to those you love.


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