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    I want to scream at him Don't
    dakotaspirit1957 posted:
    But I can't... Every 5 minutes He changes his mind... I think some of that is because I told him I would leave... He worries I won't have the same quality life there... but he doesn't realise that my life there was my decision not my daughter's making...

    I lived with my daughter after my husband told me he was the father to a friends baby girl... It blew me away... It was double pain... She was my friend and he was my husband I loved and trusted and had no idea...

    I stayed long enough to nurse his removed toe to where he could take care of it... And it was rough... For she was constantly around and I already had a close relationship with the baby... Then I went to my daughters... heartbroken... depressed... and not eating... not taking care of myself... not seeing dr's... planning to return home... so never changed my address to change dr's and such... I even paid bills back home for him... Until...

    I had money put away to go home was going to buy the ticket and he told me not to... He was dieing and I would be alone... He wanted me to stay where I was... Less than a yr later he was dead... I guess I was the only one he told for the others still talk like they didn't know he was that ill... I just didn't expect it that soon...

    But it wasn't her fault I didn't eat... and didn't go to dr's... and didn't take care of myself... I have tried to tell my son's this... but they still think she should have gotten me to dr's and gotten me help... You can't help someone who doesn't want help..

    Now they are saying I shouldn't move or she will neglect me if I do... She is so upset... And so am I...

    And I want to scream at my son that he is making the biggest mistake of his life in letting his x back in this house... Even if she isn't sleeping in his bed... She is not good for him... And drives him nuts now... together she is worse... He thinks he should do it for the kids... He needs to remember how many times she walked out on them and hurt those little ones... And the 5 times I picked the 3 of them up... Him and his children...

    I want to scream at him... But can't...

    It is his life... And I have to let him live it... I just hope that he will soon learn from his past and not let it hurt him as he does... He beats himself up when she leaves and hurts the kids and him... He is a tough class learner like I am lol... I always had to learn my lessons the hard way... I wish he didn't catch on to that...

    Thanks for letting me rant... This is killing me... My FM flare is terrible... and I am sure will be worse before it is all over... I am trying to relax... but the pain is high... and the tramadol is only half dose for the pain management dr wants to see if I can go off it... I said ok but if it doesn't work I can go back on the good dose right... She sorta shook her head yeh... I will find out on the 2nd... One every 6 hours is not working... Not at all... It is like taking candy... Without the rush... lol... being diabetic and all lol...

    take care... love... Jan/Dakota
    missist responded:
    whew! That is a mouthful Jan!
    So sorry for all your stress and pain!

    One thing you are right about--- you can't run your adult kid's lives. I'm sure every Mom in the world must bite their tongues more than a few times. Just keep loving them and pray it works out and if not-- you'll still be there for the grandkids. They need the stability of a grandmother's love when life is so full of ups and downs.

    My son-in-law's dad divorced and remarried about 3 times I think when he was a kid, but thankfully his grandparents lived next door and were always there for him. He's a great guy, so loving to my daughter and their children. I credit his grandparents for biting those lips and just dishing out the love as needed.

    God Bless Gal! You hang in there, life is a rollercoaster but at least we're all still in the cars and not laid out flat on the rails.

    missist replied to missist's response:
    well... I read this thread before I read what you said in the morning post... so maybe you will be moving?
    Well, hopefully though whichever you do--go or stay-- you'll still have a close roll to play for your son & God Bless! I've stuck you on my morning prayer list, hope you feel better soon and get things in order, I know colitis is a heck of a problem, stress totally not a helpful. Mary
    dollbug responded:
    Jan you answered your own doubts:

    It is his life... And I have to let him live it... I just hope that he will soon learn from his past and not let it hurt him as he does... He beats himself up when she leaves and hurts the kids and him... He is a tough class learner like I am lol... I always had to learn my lessons the hard way... I wish he didn't catch on to that...

    I know just how hard this can be for us, as mothers, to watch our children made stupid mistakes....but as you said, it is his life and he will have to learn his lesson the hard way in order to understand. He might make many mistakes along the way, but you know if you tried to tell him, he would not believe you anyway. It will, one day, be a LLL- Life Learned Lesson*...and he will then *get it*.

    Take care and try not to stress over something you can not control. It is NOT worth it....and I know that you do understand how stress affects us.


    My personal exchanges are Vitamin D and Pain and Wrath of the Dragon....if you care to visit..
    katmandulou responded:
    I have nothing of value to offer you but a hug.
    (((( hug ))))

    BetteK responded:
    Jan, do you remember what it was like when you made your life choices? There were friends and family who told you, "Don't to it!". There were girlfriends who told you to go with your heart. There were even loved ones who bit their tongues and hoped you'd make choices that would work out for you and lead to a good life.

    Which of the above are still important parts of your life? I'm guessing the tongue-biters. They stood by you ready to be happy with you in good times or prop you up in bad ones. But they did not impose their choices on you. They let you learn to judge life and its people in your own way and by your own standards.

    Be a tongue-biter for your son.

    Now, IF he asks your opinion, give it honestly and with as little rancor as possible. No matter what you think of the X, try to give your advice without showing hatred for her. Your son is undecided. If he and THAT WOMAN should get back together, you do not want hateful words about her to come between you and your son.

    I'm biting my tongue now for my son's sake, too. The girlfriend lives 100 miles away and has had his truck (the one with the plow on it) since January with only one very short (hours--not a weekend) visit.

    xperky responded:
    Sorry you are feeling all this stress, Jan. I think you care deeply for your family. I hope you and your family can work out the best situation for everyone, including YOU!

    With Compassion,

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