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Need Help with my Self-Talk..
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missist posted:
This issue discourages me way too often. I have a habit of beating myself up--and actually blaming myself for the way I get tired so easily.

Just was outside putting some plants in, Hubby was at Home Depot earlier and noticed they have tons of plants now, so he told me to go on over there and get what I needed to fill in the bed in front of the porch. So I did go--and I picked up mainly perennials and then stopped for a few things to cook & some gas. Got here and took a nap.
Got up and hauled my plants to the back yard an set the pots in the bed. I planted 3 and feel like it is time for another nap!

Of course I did start the day off already pretty sore, and it is ok that I take a while to do this, but I just still felt like hiding in my room and crying. I'm not going to do that--but-- I just was wondering about this--
I notice that most of you here seem quite accepting of this darn health issue--and don't seem to fault yourselves for it.

I think I always feel inferior for not being as energetic and tough as the rest of my family.

so I was wondering-- what does the 'conversation' inside your head sound like??

How do you think about yourself? I am just so sick of being hard on myself but I am not sure how to change the script--if you know what I mean?

thanks. Mary
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fibroinsd responded:
gentle ((((( hugs))))) to you......I think it is a constant battle to stay positive...and trying to do things that help...I know how you feel...been there..done that..

Are you on meds??? I know that at first Cymbalta was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo helpful to me..but then I found myself taking three hour naps and still tired at night..and I decided to try to get myself off of it..and I found it did help...and taking vitamins...especially B-100 COMPLETE...I could not do without it..but there are still aches and pains that I could do without..for sure..

hang in there....it is a journey of finding ways to deal with stuff..

cece
Let's put the fun back in dysfunctional !- Mary Englebright
 
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booch007 responded:
Good morning,

There is written note under "butyoudontlooksick.com" it is the spoon theory and IF you give this to yourself as a gift it will help so much.

I am the queen of pushing the envelope and over stepping the line to trouble and being mad and then hurt and then low and run that cycle. BUT after putting the spoon theory into my head, I just say....before a project..."How many spoons you have left Nan?" You have enough? And I do run out at times and have to finish the next day...

Planting really is a trigger for me and I don't do that with anything else....it is a morning thing when my meds are there best. I have learned my wellness window to work in.

Maybe this is still new to you and you have not looked at yourself like that. There are things I can do 2-3-4 maybe even 5 in a day...and then there are the singles....like laundry, or planting outside.....I have to time them...by 1pm I am on my downslope and need to rest. Learning you is a big tool here.

Please don't beat yourself up..."we only have a certain amount of spoons each to spend in the day. As you do somethig you use one up. When you run out (and this has happened I was out and couldn't even move anymore...the muscles gave out) You are to rest and rest more. Being active is so important but learning how many spoons you have is important to.

I see that the day had past quite a bit when you went to the store and waiting til the next day to finish would have given you GOOD feeling not bad....

I see you are another DOER here that goes for it and at times you ace areOk and then there are the crashes. I know it well.
It is 10 years now that I am in this support group and if I read my early posts it would be the ups and downs of a woman fighting this dragon of a disease with tooth and nail.

I had said I was draggin this dragon behind me eachday and then I changed a bit to learning to dance with this dragon. this dragon is always with me. This is aprocess of getting to know yours and finding balance in your life.

Many people speak of balance and they try to attain it. WE must get balance it is a way of survivung this mess we are in.
Mimi says PACE all the time, truth is she is so right. No one knows you but you. Watch yourself now, you are able to do most if you plan ahead and watch how many spoons you spend! Then restart the next day.

I have 35-40 people for Christmas each year, I start in October preparing the house for the event. So don't beat yourself up girl it is great that you are out there and doing...don't let this dragon take one more inch of you. Just learn how many spoons you have in a day and work with it.

Hugs, Nancy B
 
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missist replied to booch007's response:
Really appreciate what both of you said there. The funny thing is I've had this nearly 30 years!! That's how dense I've been about it.
However--this is the first time I've had a support group. It is truly making a big difference to realize that I am truly not alone in this situation.

I have some friends with fibro before but they clearly do not have as 'bad' a case or something because I never have noticed them walk funny or look like they are in pain. I don't work outside the house anymore--I could not walk when I would get home. Truthfully, I am good about half a day-- its a little window between getting up, having the thyroid pill, then coffee and waiting to eat, then the rest of pills. A little after that and I can be fairly active til around 1ish. Then bam.. I sink. Nap 1, possibly 2 naps. dinner and time for the recliner.

My problem is I think I have never really explained to anyone what this is like--in my family. I think I have not 'accepted it fully' in my own mind--I keep thinking I'm lazy or something or inferior.

I guess I need to stop being tough on me and start being more honest with family. No doubt they've noticed the problems I have--but perhaps I need to spell it out as to what it is and why it is.

Thank you though--just seeing that bit about being on the downslope around 1-- made me realize-- this is not just me-- (i'm so thick I may need to see/hear this quite a few times)

This is the problem-- I have this negative self talk because rather than look at myself as one of many like me--I'm looking at myself as not like those I know well in my family. not as energetic, not as clear minded, not as tough..

perhaps I am tougher than I think.

thanks, Mary
 
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Anon_10089 replied to missist's response:
When I start feeling inferior or "lazy" or "wimpy" I try to think about how much strength it takes for us to get out of bed everyday, already behind. We get up, feeling unrested. We face the day knowing we'll end up in pain, if we're not already there.

I am early 30's now and have been dealing with FM for most of my life. I went through years of anger and depression caused by comparing myself to others. But I realized that many of the super functional, high achieving people I compared myself to would probably crumble under the burden I carry everyday (until they came to accept is as I had to!).
 
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missist replied to Anon_10089's response:
that is true. thank you! I don't think often of that--but wow, you are so right!!
 
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booch007 replied to missist's response:
mary

WE ARE THE STRONGEST PEOPLE I KNOW!!!

It is so hard to wake up everydau (like Groundhog Day) and be 90 years old....try and stretch, medicate and move right to get a day etched out for ourselves...before the Cindarella self disappears again.

Chin up and chest out! We are a very strong group of people, living in pain is draining on the spirit and can wreak havoc on the relationships in our lives. I din't hold any family member to undestanding this (as at times i don't even understand it).

Just hope that your immediate spouse is supportive. .

Enjoy this day, Nancy B
 
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1wareaglefan replied to Anon_10089's response:
Wow! I love all these replies! It reminds me of a time a couple of years ago, when I learned that my sister-in-law was going to the gym everyday and working out. Well, I started beating myself up over that and feeling so pathetic, b/c I couldn't do it....I couldn't even walk in my neighborhood b/c of my feet/ankle/leg pain.

I posted about it on another support group, and someone said the same thing to me as Anon 10089 and Nancy....that I'm much stronger dealing with fibro everyday with its challenges than she is by going to the gym. Well, that sure helped me change my attitude!

Another thought I had for you, Mary, is I don't know how much you've "studied" fibro, but it really helps me feel better about things when I read what doctors write about the science of it all. Then you understand WHY it really is a big feat for us to do even a little bit. I love the book, "Fibromyalgia for Dummies."

I think this was a great question!

Hugs,
ELizabeth
 
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BetteK responded:
Mary, Mary, Mary. If you had diabetes, would you beat yourself up for needing insulin? If you had cancer, would it be your fault that your hair fell out and your were nauseaus (sp?) from your chemo? How about rheumatoid arthritis and misshapen hands?

You have a chronic illness that, although invisible, is very real. Most ill people get tired. You are in constant pain. Sometimes, you will say, "Enough of this. I have to go lay down until my (fill in the blanks) stops hurting."

There may even be times when you lay down not because you are hurting now, but because you are conserving your valuable energy stores just so you can do something else later.

This is the way it is. Welcome to fibromyalgia. It's hard for those around us to understand. But, Mary, you know your own body. You know what your limits are. And, lets face it, those limits are no where near what they were pre-fibro.

Honestly, the idea of being able to put ONE or TWO plants in the ground all at once amazes me. I cannot do it and would not try it. In my eyes, you are Supergirl, Wonderwoman, and Mary Poppins all rolled into one.

So look into that mirror and see a woman who has set some pretty impressive goals for herself and accomplished a fair number of them already, a woman who has not given up, and will get those plants in if she has to do them one a day.

You're Super!


BetteK
 
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missist replied to BetteK's response:
Really appreciate all this ladies, thank you. I did explain my 'days' to someone in the family today-and I had not realized it- I have about 3 high quality 'get things done' hours per day.
I remember telling a doctor that I felt like I lived inside little boxes every day and they were getting smaller and smaller.

very sad, but then again-- there's worse things too. We all have the hand we are dealt I guess I need to realize that its time to just be honest and if people 'think' poorly of me-- oh well.
 
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booch007 replied to BetteK's response:
BETTE.....GREAT POST! I COPIED IT TO MY FILE TO PICK ME UP WHEN *I AM LOW.....

Sometimes we just need someone to open the door and let some fresh air in, great words and a good reminder. We can't control this mess too much, but we can adjust our mind set in dealing with it!

Thanks, Nancy B


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