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    No one gets it
    An_252187 posted:
    I'm 46 live in Mass. I'm married and have 3 daughters. I am going through hell with my pain. Never ends. I cant make it through a day without napping at least twice and just gets all too much to just exist anymore. I have spinal stenosis, degenerative disks diseases, nerve compression, fibromyalagia and short term memory loss and very low processing skills. I have tried tons of meds nothing helps. I'm on 2400 of Gabapentin to repair the nerves. I am on tons of other meds too. I have HBP, fighting thyroid cancer, cant remember anything anymore. I retain fluid so I'm on lots of meds for that too.Major depression and anixety. I am filling for disability and hope I get it cause the stress of no money is all too much to bear. I have an attorney but even she said no one gets it the first time. I cant go out to do anything let alone work! I have minimal support from anyone because "I used to be fine" that would be a quote. Since I am not now I am tossed away. My husband does everything for me Thank God. I used to take care of everyone and everything and now that i'm sick they just toss me aside. What they cant get from me I'm no use to them now. At least if I could get that money coming in I would feel I contribute a little ya know.
    missist responded:
    sigh.. well I think I've got probably close to the same set of stuff. I'm not angry--we all feel things our own way--I'm discouraged I think, as in.. I just don't seem to find anything working out.

    I messed up taking care of my dog several weeks ago, in a bad judgement moment let him come next door with me to a BBQ, he went around their house and ran into their chained mean dog--who ripped his skin & flesh off the muscle in his leg. Took him to the emergency vet and got it stitched, I made the stupid decision of taking his cone off his head so he could rest--he tore out the stitches it got infected. I took him to another vet. They gave him antibiotics and cut away the skin that was dead now. I tied the cone on his neck too tight apparently so by the time this thing finally began to look partly healed; It was cutting into his neck. My poor exasperated husband looked at me like I was useless and cut the thing off his poor neck. So.. dog seemed much better, and decided to jump in the lake on a hot day, now apparently there must be an infection in there as he was up all night with me, and is lying here now looking half dead. So-- yup--I don't work anymore due to all the issues, and there's already $500 in this dog's leg, and I need to take him in again.

    Meanwhile we spent a lot of $ to fly my son's family here later this week, and his wife is suddenly having severe gallbladder attacks and migraines. Then my daughter tells me she is ill today cuz she mixed bleach and a cleaner she didn't know had ammonia in it. --so she called in sick to her new job.

    My mom-in-law seems to have picked up something of a concern and wants to know if she should cancel her trip w/ fil, and bil & bil's partner-- to coincide with son's family coming.

    Hubby's not answering the phone or email--and I am not sure I have the $ to take dog in.

    meanwhile I missed some of my meds and am having vertigo and pain.. and just not sure what the heck to do.

    wait.... now I'm not even discouraged anymore, I'm laughing.

    If you are over your head, you have certainly come to the right place. LOL

    How can we help you?

    I have a couple other fm folks with the deg. disc and pain etc.. on my prayer list, how 'bout I pencil you in there?

    "I am feeble and sore broken: I have complained by reason of the disquietness of my heart, Lord!
    all my desire is before thee, and my groaning is not hidden from You. "

    Not much else I can say, I know God sees us and I trust there is something better for us some day.
    missist responded:
    Please do not take what I said in reply wrong--I'm trying to have a sense of humor-- been having a tough day too. God bless!
    JulesP replied to missist's response:
    Hi Mary, I'm Julie. Thank you for reaching out. YES please put me on the prayer list! I pray everyday to God and Mother Theclo Merlo. I suffer and suffer just like you and my life is a mess. I have one daughter with mild retardation but you never would notice it on the outside she is gorgeous and my other daughter is 24 very obese and very lazy. All she does is eat and is a hoarder messes up the house constantly. All of a sudden she had a mental breakdown and now is going to all kinds of Therapy groups in very bad areas that I have to take her to to help but she isn't willing to help she held down a job for 4 yrs and just gave up and is collecting unemployment and my other daughter who has retardation is in love with homeless man who has mild retardation and my whole life is a mess. Dear God please come help me is all i pray for. Without my husband Id be homeless. My cat has been peeing everywhere and he may have a UTI so I have to got to he vet for him the other 2 cats seem okay but NOTHING EVER goes my way I applied for disability and I am waiting and praying I get it!!! I cant handle much more for real.I think I am having a breakdown. I need a friend desperately! God bless, Julie
    missist replied to JulesP's response:
    Yikes... I may just need to take notes there... lots of prayer requests.

    I will sure pray for you Julie.

    And don't get me started on kids.. LOL.

    Welcome to the fmily.
    JulesP replied to missist's response:
    Thanks. I feel angry and sad but I will log on here and get some hope with others that understand. My mind wants to jog again, my mind wants to go to Bunker hill and climb to the top. My mind wants to go window shopping with my sisters all day. My mind wants to play basketball with my husband again. My body says NO. I open my eyes in the morning and am so stiff I can hardly think. I am here to suffer and try to just get out of bed each day the best I can and I'll keep praying and praying for everyone.
    missist replied to JulesP's response:
    that's good. Put me on your list.

    I'm looking forward to seeing some grandkids next week-they live on the other side of the country-so haven't even met one of them yet. He is almost one. I find when folks know not to expect too much--they can be very comfortable to accept that--so I'm happy about my company coming.

    that will keep this week going.
    Heading to bed, God bless!
    BetteK replied to missist's response:
    Gee, I never would have guessed it. Does this mean we all have problems? WELCOME TO THE HUMAN RACE.

    When we deal with others--even those we love--we have to realize that we can make suggestions (as tactfully as we know how) but only the person involved can decide to change. Once the decision is made, perhaps you can offer small steps towards the bigger change, but again, the choices are not yours. Accepting that this is not your decision to make is difficult. But once you make it, the weight of others' problems come sliding down off your shoulders.

    About your children. Can you offer them sanctuary for a few weeks as they work things out? Sure, for a short period. They they have to go out and follow through on their own plans. If you collectively decide that the best course is for the kids and grandkids to live with you and pool expenses, fine. As an exercise in the "new responsible" life, make sure that their share of expenses ARE in your hands each payday.

    Any living arrangement must accept that there are many tasks you can no longer fulfill. There will other ways you can contribute to the family. Can you sit in the kitchen and makes sure your daughter's pots don't burn, boil, or trigger the smoke detector? Sure you can. You just may have to wear a postit note reminding you of your current duties. Same for bathing grandkids (but possibly not infants) Make a list of what needs to be done, cover with plastic, and tape it to the bathroom wall or sink, or rocking chair you'll be in while you supervise the tub antics.

    In thinking up these examples, I demonstrated ways YOU can design your own fibro-friendly ways to be a part of your world without fatigueing out with your fibro.

    Hint, Hint. Do not offer to help with homeowrk on a "foggy" day of fibro. There will be good days later on. Go play nerf ball or bake some cookies with the family. (The frozen ones are almost as good as homemade! I sprinkle some brown sugar on top of the chocolate chips before they go in the oven.)

    missist replied to BetteK's response:
    Some good points there Bette--

    Julie--I remember living with kids who didn't do what they should-- really makes life hard on everyone. Hopefully she will come out of that depressed funk soon.

    We don't live with kids anymore--which makes my life a lot less stressful--but I know what it is to take in one that has gotten over their head, hope not to need to deal with that anymore--but you never know do you?

    My bro-in-law had a terrible accident one year and brain injury and my husband's parents put 6 months of their life into nothing but caring for him. He is much better now but will never really be able to live all alone I think--but he is with a partner who cares for him really well.

    We don't know what kind of challenges God will allow in our lives, or even for what purpose we have to go through some things.

    Gotta trust there is a good purpose as God did say that All things work for our good. And they can.

    This opportunity of living with your daughter--it can stretch your understanding of people and teach you much. She can also begin to learn to be more independent and strong and to start being more responsible--even start at a small spot somehow--pick out what bothers you the most and insist she deal with it.

    Hopefully as you continue to pray for her and to guide her toward coming out of this mess and being a responsible person-- she will respond and do so.

    It is good you have your husband--I'm so glad I have mine--although we have our difficulties at times-- he has been a rock in my life that I needed and still need.

    So there area always things to give thanks for--and its good to do that lifts your eyes off the things that drag us down.

    Another good thing--- find some things at home that you really enjoy-- create your own mini 'bunker hill' as you said--maybe it is a garden, or a walk in the neighborhood during a nice time of day? There are so many things all of us can't do anymore--but when we look at our shrinking worlds--we can still find a lot of things we CAN do. Its amazing. For me its gardening and artwork, don't know what it is for you--but I'm praying for you and I'm sure there's something you can really enjoy.

    Glad we met!


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