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I hope you don't mind if I vent...
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slovene54 posted:
It's been awhile since I've been on this board. I don't know why. Life got busy I guess. Anyway after having my daughter (4 years ago tomorrow) i had post partum depression. Didn't realize it till she was around a year old. Mainly because my husband worked nights and I didn't understand what was happening at the time. On my own with the beginnings of fibro too. Try to make this shorter. I took out my frustrations on my husband because he didn't know how or try to help with me or the baby and gave up on me pretty quickly. As I came out of the post partum depression the 2nd year of my daughters life I was able to get a better grip on dealing with the fibro and my anger towards my husband for his lack of support. And I mean really lack. I work full time and am pretty much a single mom already. He always put her care on me. (She really loves mommy though so I'm happy about that). Anyone with fibro knows when you have a headache it can get bad fast. Mine would happens lot on the weekend because my body would wait till rest before having a headache. My husband would say wait till our daughter naps then you can lay down. So fast forwar now we are getting divorced and I'm happy to be standing on my own except ill get no financial support from him because of our debt. But I have fibro and still live my life so I feel I can do anything especially prove my soon to be ex wrong!! Thanks so much for reading!! Had to get that off my chest. So much more but I've already gone on longer than I thought.
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dollbug responded:
Hello Slovene and welcome back. Sorry that you are dealing with so much right now. Stress is not a good thing that we FMers have to deal with....it alone can take a toll on one's body. It is really hard for other people to understand just how the wrath of the dragon, aka FM, can affect us. Even doctors do not have a clue about what we face each and every day. My children are all grown so I do not know exactly what you are facing but I can just imagine. I know that being a good parent is a very hard job for anyone who is feeling ok. I can not even imagine how being a single parent can be. I hope you have some other family member you can call on if you need some additional help or perhaps a break. I do understand just how demanding raising children can be.

Please take time to take care of yourself so that you can care for your daughter. I am sure that you can find some good tools that will help you cope better.

I hope things will work out for you and please keep us posted on how you are doing.

Take care and good luck.


MiMi
IN GOD WE TRUST....MAY GOD BLESS AND GUIDE AMERICA....

 
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booch007 responded:
This is what we are here for...you vent away.

Divorce is a death and it is can be liberating or frighteneing I am thinking you are have the first experience. Hoping for that.

I have learned that being surrounded with love is a valuable place to be and it is clear oyur daughter will help with that. Otherwise the negative life will eat you up.

It seems this disease can be a crusher on relationships with not understanding and us closing in when in pain....and pain is not a visual thing....just the push away.

I am sorry for the split but I am hopefulfor your future.
Good luck and post anytime! Nancy B
 
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Anon_135054 responded:
Thank you so much! I'm finally starting to ask family and friends for help. I kept how bad I was and my marriage was for awhile. Blanking myself. Now my eyes are open and I see it wasn't just me as my husband tells me. Apparently I caused him to be that way to me. The other day he called my a hypochondriac. That was definitely my final proof he would never know how to support me. Makes it easier. But he hired someone without even talking to me to do the divorce paperwork. She isn't qualified to give advice just do paperwork. When I talked to her she basically went on and on about what a great guy my husband is and she usually doesn't see guys that want to be so amlicable. Um... Ok that's not the man I know. So I'm thinking I should at least look into a paralegal. Thanks for understanding. I do feel free knowing I don't have to explain myself everyday to someone!
 
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1wareaglefan responded:
I am so sorry for what you've had to go through. I'm afraid your husband has done a number on you for making you feel like it's your fault. This is his fault. He clearly didn't take his marriage vows very seriously....in sickness and in health. None of us knows what we're "signing up for" in marriage, but to not be supportive of a spouse who's struggling with an illness is horrible. Plus having you do all the child care!

I had postpartum depression with our second child, and that was a very big stressor on our marriage, too. Fortunately, we made it through that. I didn't have fibro at that time.

I believe that you're going to make a great life for yourself and your daughter. You sound like quite a strong woman. I pray that your life will be blessed!

Take care,
Elizabeth
 
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crystalgreeneyes responded:
I am sorry you are going through this. I haven't been posting on here for awhile either. I know exactly what you are going through. My husband is not supportive at all. In fact he is angry most of the time because dinner isn't ready or the house isn't clean or I can't go somewhere or whatever else...
I only wish I could get away from him. I had planned to leave him last year but my pain was bad and I was very depressed. I had to stop work, I have debt, no money and no family or friends to turn to. I decided to stay in the end because I have no where to go and no means of supporting myself. When we talked I agreed that I would stay if he would try to be more supportive and understanding (of fibro) Of course, he told me he would. And now here I am, with so much anger towards him. I see a social worker once a week but that's all I have.
Good luck with everything. Your daughter will bring you so much joy. You have that.
 
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slovene54 replied to 1wareaglefan's response:
Thanks Elizabeth!! I'm trying to be a stronger woman and actually finally seeing it happen!! Although my husband does know how to push my buttons and turn it all around on me pretty good. He definitely has person doing divorce fooled!! Had a great birthday weekend for my daughter!! So much fun. Thanks again for supportive words.
 
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slovene54 replied to crystalgreeneyes's response:
So sorry to hear you are in this situation. If he has been the supporter can't you get spousal support and maybe disability? I hope you find a way to be happy and feel better. Dealing with that kind of stress and depression definitely not good for fibro. Although I'm one to talk! I do everything wrong for fibro!! I just started using essential oils for my pain and stress. Definitely helps and hopefully will be a good side business or I'm getting a second job. Anyway getting off track. I wish you luck and if you need someone to talk to message me anytime!!
 
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slovene54 responded:
I decided that I want to have majority custody of our daughter since I pretty much did anyway. He has gotten really angry at me especially since I refuse to use the person he paid to do divorce and want my own advice. I'm not trying to keep her from him or do anything funny as he thinks. But 3 days with mom and 2 days with dad then every other weekend seems like a lot to ask of a 4 year old. I'm just very overwhelmed and having the worst flare ups I've ever had. I cried for an hour straight at work today when a coworker told me I made her feel unwelcome. I'm trying to hard to maintain my sanity and work full time decide what's best for my daughter and I, financial hardship and these major flare ups. I feel like I'm starting to crack a little. Just wanted to talk to other people who understand. My coworker told me I need to just deal with the fact the pain will never go away and keep going. Ugh thank good mess for you guys!! Much love!!
 
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missist replied to slovene54's response:
aww.. always easy for someone who isn't dealing with it to give advice eh?

About the custody thing-- you might want to thing about you too-- as in-- maybe a little extra time off from childcare would help you deal with all you need to and get rest. Just a thought.

Praying for you.
Mary
 
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slovene54 replied to missist's response:
I've been so back and forth about that Mary. There is so much I need to do to get myself back on track. At the same time Zoe is my sidekick. Where I go she goes and it's always been that way. She is an amazing smart girl and I focus a lot on her learning. My husband doesn't. It's also a control thing I know. She has been mine and its hard to let go.
 
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missist replied to slovene54's response:
I know its hard. Long ago I almost divorced, and the months we were apart I had the 2 kids ( we have 4 now) almost all the time.
I think it was surprisingly better when he took them too. They need both of you.

I think I'd be a little concerned too that if Daddy doesn't have a big part right from the start, it will be very hard to change that later.

Such a tough decision, I know. Will keep praying for you.
Mary


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