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Heart broken!!!!
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Anon_149959 posted:
I have lived with FM for the last 13 years... Just in the last few months I have had a really hard time recovering from the hours I work.. I am a CNA and often have to work 12 hour shifts.. SO.. to keep up the pace and get my job done I live off of diet pills caffine (fatigue) and pain pills to keep my body moving..
My husband and I have been together for 21 years.. I feel so bad thinking of how much he misses out because of me.. ( I am often reminded I am no fun to do things with him) and yesterday I was told I acted like an old woman be cause I say "I hurt"... My heart shattered at that moment.. I realized what a "burden" I have become to be here... Today I tried to keep up with him at an amusement park, and think I failed miserably I was left to set with my 73 year old mother in law..
We are total oppisites anyway but after that remark I now just feel I am more of a "chore" than a wife.. A few years ago he was chasing the "fame" of being in a local band and being well known in town... During that time he allowed another woman to monopolize his time and in turn my life.. It became so stressful between work and home I almost had a nervous breakdown.. and my children begged me to divorce him.. I fought my way through it, and I have thought up until yesterday we just might get this right. But now I think not.. I should have known when I have been reminded through out the years "blood is thicker than water, and I am not blood" when it came to spending time with him and his family.
I don't want to live somewhere knowing I am a burden and "no fun" anymore.. I am just worried that I really will be screwed when I loose his insurance.. I have none, and no prospects in getting any with all my diagnoses.. I am 43 years old and I am looking at starting my life all over again.... sad..
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missist responded:
Hi there, I know its the next day, hope you come back and read replies.

I was a CNA 30 years ago when I came down with this. It took 3 years to get a diagnoses and before I even got that my Dr- told me I should look for another job as it was too painful to do much of the work. So I really sympathize with you- it is a lot harder than many people realize.

Now about being a burden/ old lady, etc..

I will tell a story I think of often when I feel that way-- it actually comes from my CNA days. Coincidentally.

One night ( I worked pms) I was caring for a woman who had a sort of parkinsons thing--I think it is called 'stiff man' she was just thin as a rail, skin on bones and the bones were just stiff. So she didn't really move--you had to position her and hope she was comfy as she could not speak. I really felt bad for her, she was spoon fed and seemed to be able to at least open her jaw a little but that was about it.

Anyhow I was thinking how her life must be-- that there was probably a real person trapped in her body. I thought about it and felt a desire to just really be tender toward her and also to just pray for her.

Now-- arguably this woman was not really doing anything at all to be useful was she?

And yet--- she served a purpose in my life-- she made me realize that I needed to love her and care for her and look out for her when I was working. It seemed to me to be almost a 'holy' moment-- when I realized that this person surely was one of those 'least of these' that Jesus talked about when he said "whatsoever you do to the least of these my brothers, you do unto me" sorry I don't know which book of the Bible that is in--but I still remember it.

I felt as if Jesus were telling me this as I looked at this woman. I was feeding an turning Jesus.

Now-- you are in your husband's life for a reason a purpose. God does not make mistakes --ever. It may be that in time he will realize some what a tool he has been toward you-- or perhaps he never will. Perhaps the marriage won't last or perhaps it will. I do not know.

He is not the first person in life who got a dose of 'for worse' after saying his vows. He's supposed to love you-that's the job of a husband.

You are supposed to love him too.

That said--the world is not so nice as it ought to be and things don't always happen the way they are supposed to. However--

Just because Hubby's been stupid and less than kind- does not mean you have no worth. Of course you are a burden and chore-- but isn't he also? I mean it sounds like you have put up with some major 'crap' (pardon my language--but its an apt description)

That is a burden and chore too isn't it? Sounds like his family is about as wonderful as Mr. Man is.

I just want to tell you this-- it is your choice to stay in the marriage or not--and sometimes one change leads to another. You never know. Ideally we stay in our marriages--but sometimes it is just impossible.

One thing you need to know though--is YOU do matter, and are more than a burden. Yes it is sad- as you said. Its very sad when a person can't see past his nose and make his wife feel loved. Its not very unusual though. I read a statistic to my hubby once-- I said--well it says that 1/2 of people with fibromyalgia get divorced.

He said--well isn't that about the same as the divorce rate for everyone?

duh--yup, yes it is. Its a coin toss if a marriage will work out.

What will become of you? well-- if you leave you'll probably be poorer that's almost a given. Then again-- maybe you will feel a lot better with less stress from your feelings about it. I don't know where you live in some states there is still a measure of spousal support. And--There are programs and etc that you may qualify for.

If I were you today--I'd spend a little time praying alone (if you pray--or even if not) I'd not worry about making a decision yet.

I've already said way too many words, so will go before I go over the limit.
Mary


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