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can't sleep... my brother is at peace...
dakotaspirit1957 posted:
got this grating headache and no matter how hard i try i can't sleep... been awake 3 times since 1 am... and it is 4 now... guess i will read some of my book after i say my piece here lol...

so much to do yet... so many of my things to go thru yet and time is ticking... think i will get a couple of things done on the computer and then would like to start my room again but don't really want to start my room again... don't really want to do much with everyone in bed... incase i lose my balance or fall again...

my FM is flared good time... guess the storm has finally hit... yhe stress finally hit me... i hurt from one end of me to the other... i tried to deal with it all as it fell but i think the worries and penned up emotion got me... my neck feels like it is trying to explode... i don't know if i laid on it wrong or what... so easy exercise and i get dizzy sitting down lol...

it is 63* and humid out here... my body thinks it will rain... isn't it the pits how we turn into the weather channel... lol... it feels cool out here but it is a lovely morning... quiet and peaceful... the sound of a waterfall because the swimming pool pump is running...

i am wondering if it is too early for coffee... lol... naw... never too early for coffee... it is also not too warm for a shall or jacket lol... guess i will break and make me a pot of coffee and find my jacket... mmm is it packed already... never know till i look... lol... be right back...

back... smiling at the early sounds of traffic in the distance... i am not the only early bird... have my coffee now... jacket on... looking funny with my long gown on lol... bet the birds are having a laugh on me... lol... see that funny looking creature... lol...

typing with one hand today... my broken one doesn't like me one little bit today... my cast has left scrapes on my hand... feels like it is burning holes in my fingers... i never wore a cast before i don't know what to do about it...

this is very slow today... my hand is on fire and figure tips scream every time i hit a key... it has taken me an hour to get this far... i feel the need to scream but i'd wake the neighbors... got a straw for my coffee... afraid i might drop it lol... total waste of good brew it would be... lol...

in 1 week i will be in new mexico... my best friend lori surprised me last night to make sure i was ok... we decided to take a drive when my mom called... my brother passed away... about 15 minutes to 8 pm... i feel sad but relieved... his suffering is over... his son told mom that after he talked to me yesterday he asked for pain killers... he told her to thank me for talking him into not suffering the way he was... he was comfortable when he died... his boys had to return home yesterday... only to turn right around... but at least they made their appearance at work and can return now...

my mom talked to me for quite a while... she was finally reconciled to knowing he is at peace now... my dad is taking it hard... keeps saying they lost their youngest and oldest son now... i wish i could wrap my arms around them and cry with them... i shed a lot of tears after talking to him... but have a peace inside me now knowing it is over for him...

no one has heard from my youngest sister in a long... I jjust talked to her on facebook and it didn't go well... guess she wants to be left alone...

life goes on and it is time for me to pace myself thru my packing...

take care... love... jan/dakota
dollbug responded:
Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. It is always tough when you lose a loved one. At least you know he is no longer in pain. This is something that all of us when eventually have to face.

Take care.


missist replied to dollbug's response:
sorry to hear your sad news Jan, you remain in my prayers. God bless, and get some rest, God knows.
debrabrooks1960 responded:
Dear Jan/Dakota,
I am so sorry about your brother passing away. I lost my youngest brother last January. I know your pain. You and your family are in my prayers. I am glad your brother is out of pain. That was the only comfort I had when my brother died after being in ICU for one month. My mom is still having a hard time dealing with my brother's death. It has to be so hard to loose any child, no matter what their age. Please take care of yourself on your trip. Be sure to stop every so often to stretch and walk a little. I hope you can find some joy in the trip.

Soft hugs,
Debbie Lewis
Your not over the hill until you are under the hill.
nononsenselady responded:
Hi Jan/Dakota,

It always hurts me so to hear some one in physical pain but even more so when in emotional pain. I am so sorry. I lost my youngest brother when he was 23 due to a car accident (the driver was drunk). That was in 1981 and it still hurts my heart so much. My mother and father suffered right up to the end of their lives. Losing a child is like losing a finger, the other children are there but you sure miss that void. It does get easier just never the same.

I feel bad about your physical suffering due to fm too. My doctor has finally gotten tired of giving me anymore hydrocodone and I have only a few more pills left. Trying to spread them out and am in so much pain. I have been to several doctors trying to find SOMEONE who would be sympathetic enough to help. It seems if a Dr. can't see it then you must not hurt. I just can't believe so many of us are left to suffer when there is such a wonderful pill out there to help.

Well take care. My thoughts are with you.

bette_kaffitz responded:

You're right, life does go on. Right now you are feeling the loss of someone who has been a part of your life. There is one less person who has a tie to Jan the little girl and Jan the younger woman.

It is especially hard for your family because of those who refuse to be part of your life and your grief. Your sister has obviously cut her ties. It will be up to her to decide if and when to change that. But, of course, not having her there makes your sense of loss--a feeling that the past is slipping farther and farther away--even worse.

Please try to bring a little laughter--just a little--into your parents' time of sadness. It's a gift only you can give them.
Laughter is a great healer. While you will be healing your parents grief, something wonderful will be happening inside you. You will be able to remember the good times and forget the pain and suffering your brother endured. And think of him in this whole, healthy state wherever he is now.

At least this is how I hope it works for you. You deserve some comfort.

Wolfsong452 responded:
sending warm and healing thoughts

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