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How do you Answer people who say stupid things?
missist posted:
If someone in your family said things like:
You're just like your mom. ( who my mom was on a lot of meds before she died)


"All those drugs are probably causing your problems"

and then goes on to tell me how she brushes off this or that thing and never goes to the dr.

sigh... etc..

I'm sure you have all met someone like this right?

So-- how do you respond to this person? Also--I care for her very much and she's my hubby's mom--so don't want to get snitty or anything--but just how should I respond? I honestly don't know.
dollbug responded:
Hello Mary....If someone said this to me....I would pretend I didn't hear them and say nothing....because I know that what I would like to say would NOT be what anyone would want to hear.

I have found out that there are lots of people in the world who say things they know nothing about and should keep quiet about but sometimes they just have to make some sort of comment. You remember the saying of if you can not say something good, don't say anything at all....well, I think this is a good saying.

There are also some people who like to make light of things that I do not think they should take lightly to begin with. Then there are some people who make a joke of anything and everything....I am not a joke person. There are times when I just *look* at them. I think some people understand *the look*.

Some things are better left unsaid.

Take care.


bette_kaffitz responded:

My sister in law (who I love dearly and consider a good friend) has said things like that to me. We were walking along the Jersey shore (2 weeks before Sandy!) when I had to sit down on a bench. She and my son continued the walk. Fine. I was comfortable sitting there watching the ocean. When they came back her comment was, "Well I think it's 'move it or lose it.'" She is not the one with a replaced and revised hip; I am. It was the hip that hurt and told me to sit for a while.

I chose to ignore her comment. It was a statement of why she pushed herself to walk every day--not a comment on my failure to do so. Besides, what kind of a relationship would it be if we always took offense.

What's your take on your mother in law's comments. Do you think she was just saying what was on her mind, or do you think she was commenting on you and your FM? Is she a mean-spirited person? Or is she someone who loves you and has your best interest at heart (no matter how misguided)? If you know that she meant the comments kindly, let it go. If she is always criticizing you, feel free to set her straight. Just be aware that she may be upset and could try to poison your hubby's mind against you. Rotten people do rotten things. Good people do good things.

debrabrooks1960 responded:
Hi Mary, You ask a hard question. I tell people that each person can react to each disease or condition differently. Each person reacts differently to medications also. I tell them that I am working closely with my doctor to find what meds will work best for me. Then I thank them for their concern and sometimes I will even hug them. I try to kill them with kindness. I hope this May help. Good luck.

Your not over the hill until you are under the hill.
missist replied to debrabrooks1960's response:
thanks ladies.. its just good to hear from different viewpoints.
I don't think she is a bad person or means to be hurtful, I guess I just think she tends not to think through what she says, as in what it might sound like to the other person. I guess I may do the same thing too and be unaware as well-- could be.

I am admittedly thinner skinned than I would like to be. Maybe there is a reason God put some folks in each others lives. Maybe those irritating things are good for learning to be patient with others? could be also.

Well in any case I didn't answer. I don't feel as if I have upper ground on the issue though as it bugged me a great deal more than I would like to admit.

thanks for your views,

Anon_2912 responded:
Oh very easily...

I don't discuss or tell anyone my medical issues or what medications I have...

"Need to know basis and honestly they do not need to know"..

When asked how I am I always so "I am doing well"..

However, I am a private person when it comes to medical issues.

You can always say, "what a strong body you have, lucky you"...And change the subject.
meg_k replied to Anon_2912's response:
I agree with others' comments. Try not to respond. She loves you and is trying to help in her own misguided way. Don't spend your energy (what little we have) trying to defend yourself, or in even feeling bad. It's about you, not her.

BTW, I talk a big game, but this is hard! My MIL does stuff like this all the time, too.

I might suggest you talk to your DH and ask if he witnesses this sort of interaction, whether he might be willing to respond supportively on your behalf. It's his mother and she might take it better from him: "Mom, I know you are trying to help, but the reason Mary and her mother both take/took medicines is because of serious medical problems. We are happy for you if 'brushing things off' works for you, but it doesn't work for us. I hope you can respect our decision and support us in our choice." I don't know if he would be receptive to doing this or not.

We all have to battle these situations on our own often enough. A little backup couldn't hurt?


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