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Need advice. A man tried to get too friendly.
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bette_kaffitz posted:
Hi all,

We went to a lovely wedding today. Everything was beautiful. The kids seem to be destined for a long and happy life together.

Most of you know I am 70 years old. I've been married for 46 years. I'm no glamour girl. Why would a "friend" put his arm around me and his knee against mine while he was talking to my husband and me?
This man came to our table 4 times to talk, and each time it was the arm around my waist and the leg next to mine. There was plenty of room at the table and no need for this togetherness.


What do you younger women do in a case like this? Am I overreacting? Do I tell my husband about his "friend's" behavior?
50 years ago, I would have known what to do, but today?

This whole thing has upped my stress level. All the neck, shoulder, and back muscles are tensed to the max. I had to get out the opiates, and most of you know I hate being on them.

Bette
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booch007 responded:
Good morning Bette,

My first thought was over reacting....then I thought is he a widow and lonely? Then I thought "you must be a hot mama"**

I think you are over reacting. Alcohol is such a demon to let people lose who they really areand do things not so great. All the guards go down.....
I bet he was just loose from the liqour. Uncomfortable for you:(. As you were not as numb....

Uncomfortable for you, I would be more uncomfortable if not laced in a wedding with drinking involved.

That's my take.......Nan
 
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missist replied to booch007's response:
Hi Bette- It would have bothered me too. I've had a similar experience with an older man who was widowed. Kind of got under my skin a bit while I tried to figure out if he was just being 'southern style friendly' or way too familiar. I just avoided being close to him after that. Also prayed he'd find a new wife, as he seemed to need one.
Mary
 
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dollbug responded:
Hello Bette....I smiled this morning when I read the post that you made 11 hours ago. Years ago when I had children....I was quite surprised and amazed of the number to *dirty old men* who watched my daughter. This was for most of her life. She is a blonde with bright blue eyes and when she was 12 I took her to a modeling class so she could learn how to put on make up and learn the proper way of being a young lady. I had to drive her each Saturday 2 hours to the city where the course was offered. It was quite expensive but it was one of the best things that I did for the money. I knew that I did NOT want to try to teach her and I wanted her to learn from someone who could help her.

Anyway...back to your issue. I think most men eventually turn into *dirty old men*...Perhaps he was trying to find out *just how much he could get away with*...or IF he was drinking, perhaps he did not even know what he was doing. Either way though I think it is up to the whomever is involved to let him know that you are NOT interested and do not appreciate him doing what he did. If there is a next time, then I would take him arm and put it where it belongs and say *excuse me, I am uncomfortable with you doing this*...and then proceed to move, perhaps on the other side of your DH. I think he will then *get the picture, if he is sober*.

I am assuming that since your DH was there, he surely saw what the man was doing. I am just curious...what would you have done 50 years ago?

I hope you do stress over this...it is not worth it.

Take care.


MiMi
IN GOD WE TRUST....MAY GOD BLESS AND GUIDE AMERICA....

 
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bette_kaffitz replied to dollbug's response:
Thank you dear friends for your insights.

Mimi, hubby was on my right. The "friend sat between us. Neither he nor our son noticed the behavior.

Mary and Nan, the man's wife was back at their table with the rest of the groom's family.

And yes, the man had had more than enough to drink. I guess I'll just have to be more aware of his proclivities next time I see him. It's complicated because hubby uses their farm to grow extra corn and hay for our animals. Let's hope he drank enough to have forgotten the whole thing.

And girls, I am 50 lbs. heavier than I was on my wedding day. My hair is no longer dyed. The blouse under my red blazer was buttoned up to my neck. My only makeup was some coral lipstick. In my 20's, I was hot. Now I look like Shirley
Temple's grandmother with a soft perm.

The Old Gray Mare (DH's name for me),

Bette
 
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jillwimmersbloom replied to bette_kaffitz's response:
Bette, I have worked in the bar business for thirteen years. I cant tell you how many times (it happens at least once a night) that a customer comes in and it perfectly well behaved until he has a few drinks, then turns into a disgusting pig.

Its perfectly understandable that you got upset over the matter; however, I would bet my favorite heating pad that he either does not remember or is embarrassed and would prefer to forget about it.


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