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Update on the party - long
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seeit2 posted:
I don't know where I even left off...but after a lot of back and forth DD's teacher decided to go ahead with the ice cream party. She sent a mail note telling me she'd "let me know what I decide" and then four days later graced me with her decision in another mail note. I forwarded them to the principal who never got back to me so I cornered her in the hallway today. She basically told me she did not remember Lily's allergy situation and would have to review it, but all sorts of kids did not like eating ice cream and that was no reason for the school to stop serving it. It was basically the "if we do it for you we have to do it for everyone" argument. And then she said the teacher came to her last week for advice - which apparently she gave without even knowing the specifics of her health plan - and they thought it would be fine. That she has never had a parent argue like this about party food before. But she would take a look at the health plan (that thing they signed and agreed to in order to care for my child) and she would call me today.

I am calmer now than I was when I walked away from that woman. I can see that they think I am over-reacting. Maybe I am over-reacting, I don't know. I can't be at the party with Lily and DH would have to take off work to be there - and there is no way I would let her attend without one of us there to make sure she is safe. So I am once again awaiting the decision of these people. I am a very proud person but if I have to eat crow so DH can go with her and DD can attend a party that has clearly been over-hyped in the classroom then I guess I'll have to do that. He may not want to though - I'm going to be out of town, so whatever happens my poor DH will have to deal with it.

It astonishes me that there is no conceivable alternative to ice cream for a class party. I really feel like I am in a room full of blind people, and I"m the only one who can see.
Deb (40) DD (4) Funny, spirited, curious, has a severe milk allergy, DS (1) fearless and bottomless, peanut allergy
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mrswhitecastle responded:
Wow, wow, wow. They can't see the difference between a child not liking to eat ice cream and a child who ends up in the hospital if they eat ice cream????? That just makes me so mad.

How unkind of that teacher and principal to make a CHOICE to do something they know is dangerous to one of their students. What do they expect Lily to do during the party? Leave the room during the party so her classmates can eat? Sit there and watch everyone else eat ice cream?
Emily (7 - allergic to tree nuts) Elizabeth (5)
 
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seeit2 replied to mrswhitecastle's response:
Yes, they expect her to sit and watch everyone else like a good little girl. And eat nasty soy ice cream if she has to have something. And you are exactly right, it is unkind. Ice cream is the ONLY treat I would argue about. Unfortunately my 6-year old is learning very well that the world is not kind, and not everyone cares about her and her allergy. This one is going to hurt though if we have to skip it. She's been talking about it for a week now and we can't even discuss it with her because these people won't get back to us in a timely manner.

What did you say you and Emily are doing? GOing out to lunch? I'm thinking heart-shaped pancakes would be fun at our house. Otherwise I'm looking for ideas.
Deb (40) DD (4) Funny, spirited, curious, has a severe milk allergy, DS (1) fearless and bottomless, peanut allergy
 
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crunk05177 responded:
I am so hurt by this! What is wrong with them? It does prove my theory that teachers, principals, directors, etc make it out that they do everything they can to accomodate and understand allergies and promise to make it a safe environment, meanwhile it is all BS!! I have experienced this already as well but to a lesser degree and luckily with an infant, not a child old enough to understand. WHY does it HAVE to be ice cream? Why can't they have cupcakes, cookies, candy, anything BESIDES icecream? I think you need to set up a meeting and discuss this issue again. To get my point across, no matter how scary and morbid, I choose to use the words, death, die, kill and stop breathing to get my point across. It does seem to help a bit. I think the teacher should be the one to explain to your daughter why she can't go to the party....because she is too selfish!
 
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seeit2 replied to crunk05177's response:
My DH wants to tell her that she can't go to the party because her teacher does not care about her safety. I agree that the lip service is outstanding but the real experience is horrible - like so much else in life, right? The thing is, when I went to the district policy meetings about all of this (WITH the principal who is suddenly so confused about the situation - that is what floors me too, I thought she had a clue) we were writing things like "within reason" to hedge the district's responsibility...no one said so aloud but it was understandable given the circumstances. I guess I just thought reason involved a little common sense. That's where I was completely wrong.
Deb (40) DD (4) Funny, spirited, curious, has a severe milk allergy, DS (1) fearless and bottomless, peanut allergy
 
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mrswhitecastle replied to seeit2's response:
I asked Emily what she wanted to do. I figured she would say go to a park or the library or something like that. Know what she came up with? Go to the gym and play while I work out. What a difficult kid I have!!!

I'm going to let her stay up late and sleep in a bit. For her, this is starting to be a big deal. This year, she is starting to see that school is more work, so she is also just looking forward to getting to miss some of it. Prior to this year, I think she would have been upset to miss any school.

I am going to drop her off at school right after her class eats lunch, so we won't really have time to go out to lunch. After I pick her up from school, I was thinking of going to Steak N Shake or McDonald's or something and letting her get a treat. I think just doing anything out of the ordinary will please her.

Is there any way Lily could plan her own party at home? One of Emily's favorite things to do is plan a party in her room and invite her sister, DH, and me. She decorates, provides (fake) refreshments, plans games with prizes (her toys), and music for dancing.

It's hard shielding them from the meanness around them. Especially when people (teachers) make it is so darn obvious.....
Emily (7 - allergic to tree nuts) Elizabeth (5)


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