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Am I gay or straight?!?!?!
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j119 posted:
Hi, I?m 20 years old... I am a virgin and have always considered myself to be a straight/metro man? This past January; however, I watched a movie called ?Prayers for Bobby? and to say the least? It has changed my life. I found so many parallels between Bobby?s life and my own. After that movie, I started re-evaluating my past sexual pleasures and everything else in my life. Things such as: Always trying to look up ?straight? porn? yet finding if much more enjoyable to look at nude men, Always find great pleasure to finger myself and auto- Fellatio (I still conceder myself as a virgin since it is just myself), and feeling more free to express emotion around my friends... Well, the ones that I ?came out? to. However, anytime that I do anything sex related, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt and shame. To me, the worst thing that anybody could ever say is how much of a dissappointment I am... which is what I feel like.

The problem is? I don?t know who I am anymore?!?! See, in middle/high-school I have had multiple crushes on girls? non of which came to be. But I was in 2 ?straight? relationships non-the-less, I found both to be very exhausting to be around? even though I had nothing to be exhausted from. I felt almost as if I was trapped in a cage. But once both relationships ended? I no longer feel any exhaustion to be around them and both are still great friends of mine. Perhaps my hesitation toward them was the fact that I had this perception of the ?perfect girl? in my head and found myself crushing on my girlfriend?s best friend? who was just absolutely beautiful on the inside and outside? But now, it seems that I am happy that she has a nice boyfriend, but somehow wishing that it may still work out. However, I feel very uncomfortable when I even think about touching her. Yet, at the same time I find her boyfriend to be very attractive. Another problem seems to be the fact that I find it very hard to keep a conversation and don?t know what to talk about? which might come off as being rude? but, I can assure that I am not. I just don?t know who I am attracted to anymore, because I find ?some? girls to be beautiful and poetic. But at the same time I just can?t ignore my physical attraction to guys.

Recently, there has been a guy that has developed a crush on me (I consider us to be good friends though). The first time we kissed (as an experiment)? It was absolutely amazing. But anytime after that, I feel like I?m doing something bad and pull away. So right now I?m just really confused, that there were so many signs that I could be gay? yet I have crushes on girls? I don?t want to consider myself as Bi? just because it; to me, would feel as if I couldn?t make up my mind.

Thanks in advanced, for any help or advice
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lifer0727 responded:
You say you find some girls beautiful and poetic, but do you find these girls attractive sexually? Have you ever considered being bisexual a possibility? It sounds like you are definitely interested in guys but have a lot of internalized guilt/shame. I would suggest finding a therapist to work these issues out.
 
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j119 responded:
Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. To answer your questions: I really don?t see girls as being sexually attractive... I find them beautiful, but not in a sexual manor. I mean, the reason why I don?t want to consider myself as bisexual is because; to me, it just feels as if I can?t make up my mind. Though, that is just my reasoning... I know that Bisexuality is normal, but I just can?t see myself as one. The thing is; however, I genarally find it easyer to connect with girls, than I do with guys. I wouldn?t mind seeing a therapist, but as long as I?m still living at home there really isn?t much that I can do. But I do plan to join some LGBTQ clubs, once I transfer schools next spring.
 
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Handytim responded:
Your story sounds SO much like mine...

I dated girls in high school and even in college...one of which got serious, like heavy petting, then she broke it off w/ me, for we were going too fast..then in college I date a black bisexual girl who introduced me to my first male partner,,,then less than a year later I met my present partner of a lifetime..after that first encounter, I rationalized that I was bisexual, but pretty much preferred guys..the interesting thing is that I get along w/ girls in an everyday setting, and yet STILL have some fantasies about them as well..I Can find the female form erotic

It was and IS tough, for I came from a religious, conservative family...somehow, someway, I NOW believe that God created ALL of us, the way we are, and that one CAN live and love another, whether its the same sex or opposite, black, white or yellow...

It was the Gay Student Union of the University I went to that helped sort out some of my feelings and beliefs, as well as my present partner..

To answer your question you may be very well bisexual, or possibly gay,,its NOT a preference, but a lifestyle...acceptance of yourself, as well as loving yourself is important...dont fight your feelings/attractions, for it will just result in MORE inner conflict...I know SEVERAL that did, got married then separated/divorced later in life, later admitting the truth about themselves

Definitely try out the LGBTQ clubs...you may be surprised at what you see/hear..they helped me a LOT
 
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loveVegas responded:
I know how you feel! I am the same way. I am 56 years old and never had any sex. Think I'm gay but can't act on it. I just get frustrated and watch gay porn. Have you ever done anything sexually with ether sex?
 
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randomguy7 responded:
I can definitely relate with the Topic originator. I also feel somewhat trapped by my family and the negative attention I have recieved by peers etc. I have never been in a relationship of any kind.
 
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NY1986 responded:
I'm sort of in the same boat as j119. Im 23 and also a virgin. I have every desire to be with a woman the rest of my life but I do get drawn to watching bisexual/mmf and gay porn at times because I get turned on by the guys. I do look at guys and think about experimenting with them but don't think about them too sexually. I think about girls sexually all the time. I know I am not gay I consider myself straight with bisexual thoughts at times. As for my advice to j119 I suggest maybe you try going out with a guy for a little while without anyone knowing to see how you feel about it since you already went out with girls. This way you can figure out which you feel fits you best and if its both dont be ashamed to say your bisexual its normal and not just made up because someone couldnt make up their mind.
 
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Nieciedo responded:
Why do you have to pick a label?

The fact of the matter is that sexuality is a continuum. Some people are exclusively attracted to the opposite sex, some are exclusively attracted to the same sex. Most of us are somewhere in the middle.

It sounds like you are primarily attracted to the same sex, but have some interest in the opposite. I would recommend not trying to pigeon hole yourself but to explore your sexuality and discover for yourself what it is you want out of life and pursue it.

You're not gay. You're not straight. You're not bi. You're you, and there's nothing better for you to be!

Dan
 
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Erynsays responded:
Just read your issues and don't worry about a thing.I was on the same boat and still am realizing that I'm actually a gay male of 63.I'm continually around younger females because of my work and looking at them and remembering when I was much younger how mentally,physically,and emotionally difficult it was for me to take care of all their needs and they still make me work.Now,as far as being attracted to guys and if you are and I know your questioning your self but I see nothing wrong with it if you are looking at a potential partner or just as an admirer.Throw away the guilt as it is perfectly normal to look at men or women and if you are turned on by guys more than girls and would like to have a relationship with another male friend who is compatable for you then yes you would be considerd gay but on the other hand if you are interested in both sexes,then you know you are in the bi-sexual world and it's different strokes for different folks.If you don't know who you are and who you are attractd to,I'd suggest finding out by making more friends in both worlds and seeing what you actually feel more at ease with.I know I'm gay but I am very cautious about my relationships as there are way to many wanna one nighter types and nothing serious and if your afraid let's quote Roosevelt."There's no greater fear than fear itself "so go for it and don't worry what everyone else thinks because they just maybe more confused than you are but from your message,you have answered many of your own questions and it's time for you to put the remaining pieces together which I think you can do..Good Luck says I Eryn


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