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I don't understand ....either of us
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PouncePersia posted:
Apologies for the novel in advance..... I'm not "suddenly" bisexual; I have been, for a long time, ever since high school. I came out to my parents several years ago, and they tried their best to be "accepting but, they didn't believe me at all. It's only recently that I've been able to mentally accept my own bisexuality. My (male) mate takes me seriously, and has had some experience dating other women, before me, who were bisexual. He's also a caring, loving man, and went out of his way to give me some private time with a female friend who had expressed desire for me on prior occasions, because he could tell she was nervous having him around. I'm not good at reading women, so I took his suggestions and tried to romance her a bit, but got absolutely no response; made one slightly sexual remark and was rewarded with terror, directed at me. She's admitted fantasies to me before which I was the subject of. For her sake and mine, and because it is in me to give, I wanted to try to make one of her fantasies come true, in private, just us, so she'd feel safe. It involved some fetishes that I don't share, but I care deeply for her, I wanted to give her what she wanted. She's been through a lot in her life, doesn't trust easily, so I thought it was something we could share, something I could give her. I needed a clear signal from her; didn't get it. I backed off, and asked her some further questions. Near as I can tell, she didn't want me at all; she wanted to be submissive *in cybersex/cyberspace*. I am crushed that I could have misread her so badly, and extremely sad that my mate would give her, and me, such a gift...and she would just reject it, and me. He shrugged it off, said giving us private time was no big deal, but I know what he was out doing, which was, precisely...nothing, just wasting time until I texted him and told him to come home. I want to melt into another's arms and hug and kiss them until the hurt lessens. Mate is too busy playing [insert multiplayer online game here> for that. Add to this I can't stop thinking about kissing another women, even though I'm not a good initiator and not really "aggressive" at all. Add to that, my female friend is supposed to be here for the rest of the week. (No, sex was not the only reason she came to visit, just part of it.) We've done most of what I promised to help her with while she was here, other than that. Most of the time she's been here, she's been involved in cybersex chats/regular chats on her own computer. What do I do? Take her home a couple of days early? Because the hurt still continues and this is no way to spend a visit; we're too broke to entertain her or take her out anywhere much. She was concerned that being with me would damage my relationship with my BF, in truth, her fear, her lack of trust, is doing a lot more damage to my relationship with HER. I want to give up on women, and maybe I should. At the same time, I'd just like one kiss, one makeout session with a women who's unhampered by beer goggles and who obviously wants me. I feel like I did when I came out 4 years ago, all over again. I didn't think it could, or would, hurt this much. If anything, it hurts worse, and I can't figure out why....
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prinnydood responded:
Without more information, my help is probably not much help. :/ I don't know much about lesbian interaction, being a gay man myself. But I do know a little about relationships. As for her rejecting you, it sounds like she might have some psychological issues to work on. Alternatively, she may simply be too afraid to act out a fantasy with the person she fantasizes about. If one of the guys I used to fantasize about every day in high school had come on to me, I would have gone into a panic mode. As for short-term advice, umm... the only advice I have is what I would do in your position, which would be to give her some space, and try to not be assertive with and/or around her. Could playing hard to get catch her attention? Also, remember that fantasies are sometimes best when they are fantasy, acting them out isn't always as exciting or pleasurable as thinking about it. Non-sexually, try to find something the two or three of you all enjoy, such as jogging, or nature walks? Not having money does tend to restrict things. The best advice I have is to relax and try stress relief techniques to avoid anxiety over this. Hope this helps at all :) and good luck.
 
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PouncePersia responded:
Thanks for the kind words. You were right on the psych issues. She and I have talked, but all it's done is twist the knife deeper. She wants women, just not me. After all she and I have shared, over the last 3 years, it hurts. And my mate is mad because she's 'breaking promises' and taking up space. I thought I'd come to some sort of peace with it yesterday.... guess not. Still hurts. A lot.


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