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AM I Gay?
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HRCuffNStuff posted:
Last month my wife and I went skiing In Vermont. It was very cold and I forgot my thermal pant liners. My wife insisted that since I am the same size as her that I wear a pair of her pantyhose and spandex leggings beneath my ski suit for the week-end. Reluctantly I agreed, what the heck. Well I was surprised! My legs felt warm and caressed and I kinda really got off on the fact that I was wearing pantyhose. Well a few weeks later I was still thinking about this and how much I liked it. I decided to "explore" in my wifes drawers amd tried on some panties, bras, slips, the pantyhose, and a some of her dresses. Now I'm feeling really, really guilty for enjoying all the sensations of the materials and the fact that I love the idea that these were decidely feminine articals and I enjoyed the sensation of feeling like a female. I've done this a few times over the last couple of weeks and have really gotten off in powerful intense orgasms like I was 18 again. Now I can't stop thinking about this and want to try this more and fantasize about dressing completely with make-up, jewelry, breast forms and a good wig. I've even started to visit X-dresser pages on the internet and I am totally fascinated with the lifestyle. But again, I feel awful for sneeking around behind my wife's back. Am I gay ? Should I tell her? and If so, what do I say? I feel so ashamed for my interest in this and yes I've even though about what it might be like to be with a man while being dressed like this. Thanks for listening, Just kind of confused right now.
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear HRCuffNStuff, Wanting to wear the clothes of the opposite gender doesn't mean you are gay. Being sexually aroused by wearing those clothes doesn't mean you're gay, either. It's called "transvestite." Some people who like to wear the oppsite gender's clothing are gay, and some are not. Just like how there are gay and straight people who wear the "correct" clothing for their gender. You may want to discuss this with a therapist so that you can better understand yourself. Sneaking around your partner, whether you're gay or straight, is never a good idea. Perhaps she'd enjoy "wearing the pants" in the family? Perhaps she'll be concerned or upset. That's why I suggested talking to a therapist so that you can understand yourself and be able to communicate honestly with your wife. If you are gay or bisexual, then that needs to be discussed and you two can work it out from there. Couple's counseling might not be a bad idea, either. I'm hoping someone on this board who has been through this may pop in and give you some advice and support, too. Write back and let us know how you're doing. Best wishes, Byroney
 
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KristyMisty responded:
HR, Personally I find nothing wrong with a male exploring his feminine side. Up to about 30 years ago in the western world and in present day in developing countries women have not exactly been treated by men kindly or equally. For me to see a male emulating women makes me think that we've come a long way baby. My grandmother always told me to really get to know a person means to walk a mile in their shoes. Their are many organizations out there that could assist you in communicating your desires and inclinations to your spouse. You should first verse yourself and study about what it means to be transgendered. Next contact organizations that include significant others of those who are transgendered. Seek their help, most have an abundance of literature to help educate yourself and advice for approaching your spouse. I speak from experience. My spouse is transgendered woman - male to female and we have been done a bumpy road to arrive at acceptance. Once I understood the complexities and educated myself I was able to support and encourge my husband to embrace the feminine side as a unique gift of enlightenment and not a shameful perversion. Again, I encourge you to read up and educate yourself, you will find volumes of information. Put aside the thoughts of shame and guilt but prepare yourself to explain and inform your spouse. Tell her before she finds out on her own. You should be able find helpful information on coming out to your spouse with a keyword search of Google or Yahoo such as "coming out transgendered" Good luck sweetie!! :smile:
 
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Nieciedo responded:
Nothing in your post indicates to me that you are gay. Simply having the odd thought once in a while of what it would be like to have sex with another man doesn't make you gay. It doesn't even really qualify you as bisexual, except in the sense that the majority of the human race is bisexual to one degree or another (it really depends on the right environment and the right connection with the right person which orientation will be dominant). First off, there's no reason to feel guilty. You're not harming anyone in this (although you might want to consider getting your own pantyhose and such rather than using your wife's). Second, I don't think this is an issue of sexual orientation or gender identity. Neither of these things can be triggered so spontaneously. Unless there is a history of sexual attraction to other men or feeling out-of-sorts with your experience as man leading up to this, I would have to say that you're a heterosexual male-identified man who has discovered the world of transvestitism. Sexual orientation and gender identity are rooted in biology and psychology (even if we don't quite understand them). Gender expression, especially through clothing, is entirely a social and cultural construct. Some people find the clothing associated with the opposite sex attractive because it is exotic, or taboo, or because they associate it sexually with people they are attracted to, or because they like bending gender roles. This is different from being transgendered or from being a drag queen. Comedian Eddie Izard is a famous example of a heterosexual male-identified man who enjoys wearing women's clothing. Since you are feeling conflicted about this, perhaps consulting a therapist might be good idea. You can also seek community from supportive sites on the internet that might give you information about resources your can turn to. Good luck! Dan
 
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HRCuffNStuff responded:
I suppose that I have some hidden tendencies. The skiing trip was actually in early Dec 09. I travel several times a month for my job and have been keeping a small bag of things in the trunk of my car. I have found some boutiques in the cities that cater to CD/TG clients and have purchased a few more things so now I have 2 bags of clothing and accessories in the trunk. I am afraid to tell my wife of my recent activities as even now I delve deeper into the scene. I've spent many hours on my laptop surfing TG sites and talking to other T-girls and must say that I am truely fascinated with the feminine illusion. I am blown away by "passable" t-girls on Rupaul's Drag Race. I feel ashamed by my interest in this lifestyle but would like to find a way to relate my feelings and excitement about this to my wife. How should I reveal all of this to her ?? I really want to do a complete body shave but know that she would be suspicious if I did. I have also located some make-over and transformation salons in different cities that I travel to as I have fantasized about a professional make-over
 
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pixikins replied to HRCuffNStuff's response:
Well... since you are currently keeping items in your possession that your wife could stumble upon at any time, I think the best advice would be to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. She will respect you more for your honesty than if she finds out by happening upon female clothing that isn't hers, or finding something in the computer. Perhaps it might even excite her to participate. I would be as honest as possible and try to reassure her that this in no way effects your feelings for her. If I was your wife, I'd be happy that you trusted me enough to share your deepest thoughts and desires with me. Good luck.


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