I have never seen this issue addressed anywhere and could really use some good advice. I am a straight married female in a long term marriage. I have never been interested sexually in other women. My husband has always known this. However, my husband has an obsession with all things lesbian. He has pushed me since the beginning of our marriage to explore sex with another woman. This issue is beginning to affect our relationship as he continues to push the subject and is now withholding sex until I comply with this demand. I feel I am being badgered and manipulated into something I don't wish to do. He says I am ignoring his needs as this is a large part of his sexuality. He has been unwilling to hear my position or compromise in any way. I need some advice please!
I have told him I am not interested and that I feel badgered. It does not seem to matter to him that I feel that way. He just keeps insisting. I know that no one can make me do anything I don't want. But it is hard when the other party is making life difficult because you aren't going along with them. He is blaming the problem on me and saying that it is my fault that our sex life is off, because I won't address this issue.
wow anon, there is some things ya'll need to get straight before your relationship starts to suffer along with your love life. I think that if it keeps going the way that it is ya'l can end up splitting. Try some counseling wouldn't hurt to try it out.
Thank you for replying again :-) I actually suggested counseling, but he was unwilling to go, so I went by myself, and was told that basically it is his problem and not much that I can do about it. That does not make the situation any easier to deal with and lately, the problem is getting worse, as stated above. We have had a good relationship otherwise, but this is starting to wear on me and the relationship.
I am not looking to end the relationship. I really love him, when he's not pushing this issue. I just wish I could come up with a resolution to the problem. I am concerned that it will eventually break the relationship if it is not addressed. But everyone should be able to decide what they are comfortable with sexually, without feeling coerced, and have a right to say no if it is something they don't want.
You're right it will eventually break up the relationship if not addressed. Well anon do you love him enough to try it out one time. Sometimes you cant knock it till you try it. You might like like it, or is it something you dead set on? Maybe you can try it one time. What do you think?
I don't know. I do love him, but something about feeling coerced and bullied into this situation just does not sit right with me. And then there is the problem of not finding other women sexually attractive. I'm not sure where I would start with that one. I honestly think the main problem is feeling like I have no choice in the matter. I either do what he wants, or lose the relationship. I just think that sux.
Randi (Mirandalovescalen) has given you a ton of good support. I think you may want to revisit this topic with a different therapist/psychologist. I would expect that he or she would offer you some support options in your community.
No one should be feel coerced into sex. That sounds very unhealthy and unsafe to me. If someone loves you, they should never do something like that, and I hope you re-evaluate this relationship with an expert.
Thank you for your reply. I totally agree with what you have stated. The counselor I talked with also stated what you have about the relationship. But told me that they never tell their clients they should leave a relationship. I would have to decide whether to stay or leave. I have been hesitant to leave, because the rest of the relationship has been good and keep hoping that I can come up with a solution or compromise. I may indeed seek out another counselor and revisit this issue.
You're very welcome! Like Randi says, support is one of the best things you can find in an online community.
One thing that has helped me evaluate a situation is to ask myself, "Would I treat [insert person name here> the same way he/she is currently treating me?" If my answer is "no," then I take it another step and look at "Why not?" Sometimes turning it around can be eye-opening.
It's true that there is no nice, neat solution to your problem. You may have to face some tough decisions to make, but I can tell you're a strong person.
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