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MirandalovesCalen posted:
Okay heres the deal. My bestfriend just called me at work at said, "It must be nice" so I'm thinking she talking about me being in the office today. And she say" Everybody can't get they woman to bring them some chillis. I'm like huh? She was looking at Calen coming outta chillis, and thought she was bringing me something to eat.

So when I called to tell her that I had something already. Before I could say something she tell me she gotta call me right back cause she was helping her bro Omar move. So I'm like huh. Okay wait if she just leaving chillis or at her bro's house. Somebody is lying. I cant stand when Calen lies to me. Last time she did that ish I didn't talk to her for a few days cause why lie? She aint got no reason to lie to me!! So I tried to play it off and told her "Oh Jessica thought she saw you at chillis."

Okay so when I said that she gonna say " I was at chillis." Hold on you can't be two places at one freaking time. WTF!! So then she ask me if I got peeps following her. Pissed me off, cause she musta been up to no good to think some ignorant ish like that. I told her if I gotta check behind her I don't need her.

I just said that cause I was mad, cause she know I'm not gonna leave her but why lie to me. I'm so freaking pissed.
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Contemplating19 responded:
I saw your post on the Sexual health board, so being nosey (sorry to do that) I ran here to read your post.

I think you're taking it too far. It's very possible that she was helping her brother... then decided to get something to eat.

My ex acted like that a few times. I would be at work and she would text me saying "where are you?" I would say "in a meeting" then 10 mins later she would call and I would answer the phone and she would say "I thought you were in a meeting, how are you answering the phone?"

Duh sweetheart... the meeting ended a few mins ago.

She may have been rushing, I've done that as well.
 
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Randi,

I've got to say that I agree with Contemplating19. Sometimes I've said I was "just" somewhere, and maybe I was. Or maybe it was an hour ago, but I'm still thinking of it as "just."

I don't know if jealousy played any part in why Contemplating19 left his "Gonna check up on you" girlfriend, but green is not an attractive look on anyone. I would also think twice or three times before telling someone that I don't need them, even if I was mad.

I know for my own relationship, I need to have 100% trust in my wife. No checking up on her, and no trying to trip her up.

In any event, I'm very sorry your pissed and upset. It isn't any fun to feel that way.

Byroney
 
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MirandalovesCalen replied to Contemplating19's response:
Thanx for checking it out I like your opinions.

But look I overreacted but something aint right. Last night she acting really weird we both apolgized. We cuddled and everything, wts her vibes were off. Im usually right with my gut feelings and something wrong.

I just feel like she hiding something. I cant say exactly what it is but we done been together way too long and i know Calen like a book. She's hiding something.
 
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MirandalovesCalen replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
Byroney, I did overreact but she is hiding something. I can feel it. We always had good communication, but she was off last night, and she kept kissing me and kept asking me how much I love her. Too much btw. Thats why I dont want her to be hiding nothing from me we a team.

I cant say its a affair or nothing cause I cant see her cheating on me, but she is hiding something.

I didnt act funny with her when I got off work I told her I was sorry and we bathed together and made love. But her body was off. I know her inside out she wasnt focused.

Im nerved up right now. Whats going on with her that she cant talk to me about.
 
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Contemplating19 replied to MirandalovesCalen's response:
I can understand yoru frustration on that issue. My ex would do that from time to time, she would "pretend" she was ok, but the way she would kiss me, or the way she would move her body while we were having sex threw up red flags that something was wrong.

One time she never did tell me what was going on, she just continued to lie about it. The second time she told me she was having problems dealing with her csa.

How do you normally act when shocking news is given to you? The reason I ask is because you said the situation "pissed you off" to me that shows that you take your anger a bit overboard possibly... I can see if you said the situation had you confused, but pissed off? Nothing really happened (yet) to be pissed off about.

It's possible that she is hiding something, but she's afraid to come forth because of how you may react. I did that with the ex a few times, she was always so emotional and a drama queen. I told her one day after a fight we had that I was going to my moms for a few hours. The damn woman cried, screamed, grabbed onto my leg and begged me not to leave her life. And all I said was "I'm going to my moms house tonight to chill baby, I love you." After that, there were a few times where something was going on but I didn't dare say what it was for fear that I would be forced to see her act out some cheap melodrama...
 
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff replied to MirandalovesCalen's response:
Randi,

Maybe your hunch will be right. Or maybe like Contemplating19 mentioned, she may just want it all to go away and not revisit the drama. Maybe she's still hurt about it and re-evaluating things.

She is allowed to have her privacy. That doesn't make her guilty of anything.

My advice is to be careful about control issues, anger, and suspicions. Perhaps you might want to address this with a counselor or therapist?

Byroney
 
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MirandalovesCalen replied to Contemplating19's response:
We talked last night after I begged and begged her to tell me what was up. I shouldna said a thang cause what she said cut me up inside.

She dont wanna have a baby. She just said it to make me happy. But we not having a baby cause she dont want one. That really sucks.

And then I got suspended from work yesterday for my lack of self control.
 
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MirandalovesCalen replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
I wish you have told me about my control issues yesterday. Cause of my lack of self control I got suspended from work!

Well I got down to the bottom of thangs last night with Calen. She dont wanna have a baby. Tear. I acted like it wasnt a big deal but I cant tell you how I feel.
 
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff replied to MirandalovesCalen's response:
Randi,

So sorry that your bad day. I sure hope you can get reinstated at work. Definitely consider working these issues out with an expert.

It's possible that if you can sort some of your problems out, Calen might feel better about having a child. Perhaps she feels that bringing kids into a relationship may magnify any troubles or stresses that might already be there. Even if she never does want a child, that doesn't mean that you can't have one. It does mean you might have to do it without her support, or without her at all.

I sure hope things get better for you over this weekend.

Byroney
 
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MirandalovesCalen replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
I'm not a bad person I just dont wanna be hurt, and i love her so much so times i feel like she too good to be true. I dont know but one thang for sure my heart is conflicted right now.
 
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Contemplating19 replied to MirandalovesCalen's response:
One thing you definately need to do is sit down, talk to her in a calm manner and ask her why she doesn't want to have any children. This may only be a temporary thing. My ex wanted to have kids, I want kids as well but I didn't want any at that moment. I saw the hurt and pain in her eyes when I expressed that too her, but the last thing we needed was to bring a child into the relationship at that moment.

It may be a financial issue. I say if you think you're finacially ready for a child, then for about 6 months to a year you should LIVE as if you have a child. Take all the money you would spend on diapers, food, etc and put it over to the side. The good thing about it is that you will be able to save some money after this experiment.

She may also be looking at your ages. She may be looking at how long you two have been together, etc...

When you decide to have kids, it's not about satisfying the personal desires of one spouse or another. It's about making the transition from a couple to parents. It's about suddenly dedicating a huge chunk of your lives to another person. When you have a baby, you are not just creating something to cuddle and to fulfill the requirements on the biological clock, you are creating a person. This person will have wants, needs and desires.

If you are not fully committed to meeting those wants, needs and desires - the burden can create undue stress and lead to off-hand remarks like:

I never wanted to have a kid in the first place - this was YOUR idea.

But even if your spouse never says anything, that resentment will be there and don't think well - you are getting what you want, so you can live with a little resentment. That resentment can chip away at the relationship and it can affect the very person you so desperately want to create.

Have you asked her why she's not ready for a child? Or why she doesn't want a child? I encourage you to do that a.s.a.p

Like Byroney stated. If you desire to have a child, you can. However, you must understand that it may be without her.
 
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff replied to MirandalovesCalen's response:
Dear Randi,

You're not a bad person. I can certainly understand not wanting to be hurt.

Contemplating19 has really given some good insights to many sides of the "baby" situation. It's a complicated issue and it's certainly part of the conflict you're feeling.

In support,

Byroney
 
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MirandalovesCalen replied to Contemplating19's response:
Why do love gotta be so complicated. I am so freaking confused right now. Cause I want both but seem like I cant have it like that. Now the main question is where do I go from here. I dont know.

I honestly dont know what to do now. I wanna make the right decision.
 
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MirandalovesCalen replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
Hey Byroney, you said it. THIS IS DEFINITELY ONE COMPLICATED ISSUE. What so crazy is its not something I can just ignore. If I ignore it my relationship will suffer and my self esteem too. But man I really dont know what to do. Or who to choose.


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