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MirandalovesCalen posted:
I been sleeping in the spare room since Saturday. I dont wanna see Calen much less talk to her right now. She been giving me my space. I wanna make our relationship work but I need some time to myself to see where I wanna be.

Her phone rung at like 2 something in the morning we was both still up watching movies. When it rung she hurried up and pushed the silent button on the side of her phone. I asked her why she aint answer it. She gonna tell me that was Pricillia her a_ didnt want nothing. Now what kinda sorry ass excuse is that? Cmon now why in the hell would our friend be calling her at the time of the freaking morning.

I aint even argue with cause I knew she was lying but I did look through her phone when she went to sleep. I acted like I was sleep and when she finally took it in I checked it.

The number that called her was saved under the name Tasha. I looked through her text messages and saw where her and Tasha had been texting back and forth. What really f- my head up is Calen texting her "the door is open" and the next day Tasha had texted her" sweetie I had fun last night it was awesome.'

I woke her a_ up and we got into it bad. She couldnt lie her way outta that ish! I know we been shaky here lately but she was still wrong for that!

She "baby im sorry" for a long time but it aint mean nothing and still dont. She cheated on me, brought the woman in my house, and been going to counseling with me knowing she was cheating the whole freaking time.

Im mad yeah but I hurt like hell more than anything. Cause she saw me changing things about myself to make our relationship better and she still kept cheating. I dont know what I wanna do right now so im just spaced out looking after me.

But man it hurt like hell I look like a damn fool now! I dont even wanna touch stuff in my house cause I dont know what all the woman touched while she was there. It make me sick just thinking about it.
Contemplating19 responded:
Just wanted to let you know that I see your post. I will respond later when I gather my thoughts.
Byroney_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Randi,

I'm really sorry that your concerns about Calen were validated. While you chose to work on your issues, she clearly chose to step out on you rather than take a look at herself.

How about giving a call to your counselor? Even if you don't have an appointment, getting seen on an emergency basis could help you navigate through this relationship crisis.

Here's an article about Cheating Wives: Women and Infidelity . Although it seems to be about heterosexual relationships, I think that it could be helpful for anyone who has been cheated on. As an expert in the article notes about behavior like Calen's, "You need a marriage counselor, not an affair."

I know Contemplating 19 will have some good insights for you, but I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry for what you're going through.

MirandalovesCalen replied to Contemplating19's response:
Im so excited to hear from you I thought you wasnt coming back! C-19 it durts so fraking bad cause I really thought Calen loved me. I know its probably something I did or said I dunno. I know I look like the worlds biggest fool. What make me look worse is the fact I still love her.
MirandalovesCalen replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thank you for being there for me. I really appreciate you and C-19.
Contemplating19 responded:
I wasn't coming back? I'm sorry, I didn't know that I gave off that impression. If you don't mind me asking... what had you thinking that?

You should approach this the same way I stated you should approach the "kids" issues. Wait until you're calm enough to talk to her in a adult tone. But, first and foremost you need to find out if you're willing to work on this relationship, forgive her, and take hold of it again.

If not, then you two should go ahead and seperate. If you're willing to work it out then you should talk to her and listen to her the entire time she's talking. Find out what made her have an affair in the first place. Is she going through something that had her made a temporary laspe in judgement.

I have been cheated on once before, and I did what I am telling you to do. Our relationship then lasted another 2 years and ended because she wanted to take a job away from home and I didn't feel right holding her back. She pointed out to me why she was unhappy. Don't get me wrong, it hurt like HELL that she cheated on me. But, I was able to get through it. I only asked her the questions that I truly needed answers to (i.e. Did I do anything wrong? What were you thinking when you did it? etc...)

It wasn't my fault that she cheated on me, but I did have a hand in pushing her away. During that time I had just joined the Navy and was so full of it being a sailor that I completely ignored her. I assumed just because I was throwing money her way that she should've just sat up and shut up. Not the case.

Try this first and let me know how it goes. That's if you want to keep your relationship.
MirandalovesCalen replied to Contemplating19's response:
You kinda did a disappearing act on me for a couple of days! I was like damn where C- 19 at. LOL, you know I got nothing but love for you! But hell if you leave me and Byroney imma drag you back.

But on the serious side I really dont know what I wanna do! Cause I know I still love her but I dunno if I could forgive her. Thats why Im taking time to see where Im at ya know.
Byroney_WebMD_Staff replied to MirandalovesCalen's response:

I agree with C19's advice (big surprise!). There will be a lot of hard work ahead if you want to mend this relationship, and both of you will need to participate. You can't do it all on your own.

Once you've sorted out your thoughts and feelings, then have that talk C19 mentioned.

Hope you and C19 enjoy the up-and-coming holiday weekend,

Contemplating19 responded:
Oh yeah, that happens from time to time. Last Thursday I gained joint custody of my ex-gf's son so me and him have been out doing stupid guy stuff...

If I ever leave permenately I will be sure to let you know.

I think you're doing a good thing by taking your time to see yourself and/or which direction you want to take with your life right now.

Of course you still love her. I am still in love with my ex, even though I am currently dating someone else (not too serious... mainly sex) but just because I am still in love with her doesn't mean I want/need to be with her. But, with the lady that cheated on me, even though it really hurt me I still stayed with her and our relationship was great and stronger. Every situation is different. Just make sure you take your time and think twice about everything.

You two have fun over the weekend. I may be here... I may not. I have an appointment for a bunch of stupid guy stuff tomorrow... Ah... the joy of having a child during summer break. LOL.
Byroney_WebMD_Staff replied to Contemplating19's response:
Hey C19,

Congratulations on the joint custody! I'm so glad you two can catch up on things. He'll appreciate doing guy stuff, no matter how stupid it because it's with you.



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