GLBT Healthy Living Community

Dear Luda17,

My wife and I raised two children together, however they were biologically mine from my first marriage. She was unable to have children, and since we had full custody, we spent most of our resources raising them.

Our daughter turned 23 yesterday, and our son (18) just started college. We're pretty proud of them and I think we made a great team.

Are you thinking of having children? Have you thought about who would carry? Take turns? Donors?

The post just before yours is about Neil Patrick Harris having twins with his partner of six years, so there are definitely other couples out there looking into the topic, too. Maybe some of our other members will chime in with their experiences.

Byroney

Thank you Byromey,
And I want children more then anything in this world... I was never Gay before until i met my partner now of 6 months. I was in a very abusive relationship and Scared of men... really I know that sounds crazy but i am. And she loves me more then any other person has. And we talked about children we both want them me more so then her. But I want nothing more out of life then to have children myself. I have a medical condition that may interfere with that *endometriosis* but i was wondering if it was possible to have her egg and my egg be fertilized by the same donor and both implanted into me? Havent talked to a doc or anyone about this just you.. So curious on the commented ill get back. But do you think that is possible?
Thanks again!
Laurie

Dear Laurie,

I'm glad you are now in a safer, happier place. Most of all, it's great you're with someone whom you can love and who loves you back.

In this article on IVF and Tubral Procedures it says "In vitro fertilization (IVF) is the combining of a woman's eggs and a man's sperm in a laboratory. The resulting embryo or embryos are then transferred into the uterus. Your doctor can use your eggs and sperm for IVF or donor eggs or sperm if necessary."

So I believe the answer is a cautious "Yes." First, you would need to talk with a gay-friendly reproductive expert, and discuss whether or not you're a good candidate, and get your partner checked out, too.

What you're asking for would require trying to "synch" up both your cycles and then to be able to fertilize both her eggs and your own with the same donor. Then the eggs would in theory (if your doctor clears you) be implanted in you. If all went just right, you would have twins who were half-siblings (if you chose the same donor father).

It might be less expensive to try something like IUI (Intra-Uterine Insemination) and have your child. Then for the next pregnancy, use IVF and you could be the surrogate for your partner's child if she doesn't want to be pregnant. As long as you both use the same donor, the resulting children will still be half-siblings.

The least expensive way would be for you both to use a sperm bank, get inseminated by the same donor, and both of you carry naturally. This way you save the hefty costs involved in IVF, IUI, and other fertility treatments.

Make sure to look at the legal side of things. Some states/countries do not allow same-sex partners to adopt their partner's child. You also want to discuss what happens if you two should break up, one of you should die, etc. Not pleasant topics, but ones that need to be discussed with a lawyer to make sure your childrens' best interests are protected.

Also, if you don't use a sperm bank, you'll need to draw up papers that legally define the male donor's position in the children's lives. Otherwise, you could have "daddy" suing you for custody down the road.

Best wishes and write back when you get a chance,

Byroney

My partner and I have been together for almost 11 years and just welcomed a baby girl 11 days ago. She has been helping me raise my almost 12 year old son since he was one. We waited a long time to be in a good place to bring another child into the world and couldn't be happier! I couldn't imagine anything more amazing than being a mom!

Dear Monkeys_momma,

Congratulations on your little girl! It sounds like the two of you make a wonderful team, both as parents and as partners.

I hope your son is enjoying the role of "big brother" now. If you have any other news or insights to share, we'd love to hear them.

Best wishes,

Byroney