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bi to straight relationships
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jenslostboys posted:
I have an old flame who wants to rekindle that flame. He has been bi for the last 10 years. he says he wants to have a monogamous relationship with me now, and does not want to be bi anymore. I have absolutely no problem with him being bi, but I have some concerns as to how he will be able to cope with this. And yes, if you are wondering, he just got tested for everything under the sun , and has come up clean.
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear jenslostboys,

I'd be concerned about the 'does not want to be bi anymore.' As a bisexual person myself, being bi has nothing to do with being monogamous. I've been monogamous for 14 years now because I made a commitment to the woman I love.

Bisexuality is not a passcard to cheat. If your old flame is trying to blame his cheating past on being bi, then he's not owning up to his responsibilty. He made the decision to be unfaithful. Has he gone to counseling? Seen a therapist? Has he made any positive changes in his life in the last ten years?

I don't know if you're male or female, but perhaps this article on Why Men Cheat may be of help to you. I'd also suggest you consider talking this over with a relationship counselor yourself. You may also want to post on our Relationships and Coping Community , too.

Hopefully someone else will chime in and share their experiences with you.

Best wishes for the New Year and write back if you get the chance,

Byroney
 
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jenslostboys replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
To clear things up, he never cheated on me, I am female, and this is what he wants, not what I want to make him become. This is his idea. We were very close a long time ago, then went our separate ways. There was no breakup, just decided to go different directions with our lives. We have a son together, and he wants to have a family, more than anything else in the whole world right now, and is willing to do anything to have that. We have spent several weeks soul-searching and discussing this issue in every last, minute detail.
 
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff replied to jenslostboys's response:
Dear jenslostboys,

Thanks for clarifying. I guess my point is when you're monogamous you're monogamous--it doesn't matter if you're heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual. Being faithful to one person isn't about 'giving up' your sexual identity.

I was just as faithful to my former husband as I am to my current wife. I didn't become 'unbisexual' because I chose to be monogamous. Just like you don't give up being heterosexual (if that is how you identify) by being faithful to your former flame should the two of you decide to get back together.

Perhaps the two of you should consider seeing a relationship counselor to explore moving forward with this? It sounds positive that the two of you are taking the time to talk this out beforehand. This article on Reconnecting with Lost Friends may have some discussions that help you.

Also, you mention what he wants and I would encourage you to make sure you know what you want for yourself and your son from this. Whatever decision you make, we'll be cheering you on.

I hope 2011 is a year filled with warmth and happiness. Write back if you get a chance,

Byroney
 
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jenslostboys replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
Well, he has come up here to my state, and we have spent some time together. We have made the decision to have a relationship for now, and he out of nowhere wants to get married, and take care of his family. He is just great with our son, and we are all quite happy together. We have asked our son if he is ok with this relationship progressing and he said yes, yes, yes... Our son is almost 14, so we kind of need his input on the matter as this will change his life also...Wow..
 
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff replied to jenslostboys's response:
Dear Jenslostboys,

Congratulations! Wow, it really sounds like you and your son are very happy. I'm so glad it's working out for you.

This sounds like an awesome way to start 2011! Thanks for sharing such a positive story with all of us here. It's very much appreciated.

Best wishes to you all,

Byroney


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