Hello nrbatten and thanks for posting!
You've asked a very good question, and I'm sure you could get dozens of answers.
Many men and women look at other men and women without any serious intent on cheating. They consider it "window shopping" and don't mean anything by it, yet for their partners it can be a difficult thing to see.
Many men also like to look at porn. So many in fact, this article suggests
Men are Hard-Wired to Like Porn . Some partners/spouses look at porn together, while others feel like they have to hide it or sneak because their partner consider it "cheating."
I can't tell you whether or not you're really happy. Maybe you should explore this with a counselor? Couple's counseling (make sure the counselor is gay-friendly) might help the two of you work through your issues and find a compromise.
Hopefully some others will jump in with suggestions. You may want to repost this over on the
Sex & Relationships Community to get more support, since this community is pretty quiet.
Update us if you have a chance,
Byroney