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Marriage and Transgendered
Anon_234670 posted:
I have been married for 9 years. I came out to my wife in February 2010 that I want to be a woman. She is still with me and I have not made any steps to transistion or very very very minor ones. I am not on hormone therapy and of course I am still pre-op. I also a father of 2 children. I am currently seeing a counselor but I feel like I am stuck with nothing but consequences wherever I turn. Right now I am focusing on repairing my marriage but on the other hand I feel like I am losing my self and my identity. I have been looking at anything from being simply androgynous, or settle with some sort of cross dressing or something. I am fearful of my future, my wife and my children. I see t-girls and biological females and get very highly jealous with their body and fashion. Pretty much everything and feel that biologically I got the short end of the stick. I hate this feeling and so very frustrated. I feel like just about anything will send me into a feeling of crisis and despair. Any tips or words of encouragement is greatly appreaciated.
6 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Marriage and TransgenderedI have been married for 9 years. I came out to my wife in February 2010 that I want to be a woman. She is still with me and I have not made any steps to transistion or very very very minor ones. I am not on hormone therapy and of course I am still pre-op. I also a father of 2 children. I am currently seeing a counselor but I feel like I am stuck with nothing but consequences wherever I turn. Right now I am focusing on repairing my marriage but on the other hand I feel like I am losing my self and my identity. I have been looking at anything from being simply androgynous, or settle with some sort of cross dressing or something. I am fearful of my future, my wife and my children. I see t-girls and biological females and get very highly jealous with their body and fashion. Pretty much everything and feel that biologically I got the short end of the stick. I hate this feeling and so very frustrated. I feel like just about anything will send me into a feeling of crisis and despair. Any tips or words of encouragement is greatly appreaciated.
Anon_234670 responded:
Also I want to add that I know the cause of my insecurites, my lack of confidence, my anxiety, and I believe the source of my depression. It is because of my transgender and feeling trapped in a body that does not truly represent the person who I really am. Should I take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds as well for this. Can it help me feel better to stay in my marriage as a man for my wife and kids?
Report This| Share this:Marriage and TransgenderedAlso I want to add that I know the cause of my insecurites, my lack of confidence, my anxiety, and I believe the source of my depression. It is because of my transgender and feeling trapped in a body that does not truly represent the person who I really am. Should I take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds as well for this. Can it help me feel better to stay in my marriage as a man for my wife and kids?
Byroney_WebMD_Staff responded:
Welcome Anon_234670 and thank you for posting! It sounds like you have a lot of complicated, conflicting desires and responsibilities pulling you in different directions.
First of all, you may want to look at this article on Gender Identity Disorder . It discuses everything from diagnosis to treatment.
If the counselor/therapist you're seeing does not have experience with transgender/gender identity disorder, please consider seeking one who does. You need someone who can really understand your unique issues and is really supportive. If your local hospital does gender reassignment surgery, you may want to ask for the names of some counselors they use.
Here are a couple of sites I found that may help--I don't personally know anything about them, so check them out carefully: Transgender.org and Transgender Support Site .
I would suggest that you work with counseling/therapy to sort this all out before you make any decisions about your future. You deserve to feel good about who you are, so take the time to find out who "you" really are.
Just in case you need Crisis Resources , here's a link to some toll-free ones.I hope your wife is seeing a counselor or therapist to help her, too. Maybe one of our members who has gone through this will share their story with you.
In support,
Byroney
First of all, you may want to look at this article on Gender Identity Disorder . It discuses everything from diagnosis to treatment.
If the counselor/therapist you're seeing does not have experience with transgender/gender identity disorder, please consider seeking one who does. You need someone who can really understand your unique issues and is really supportive. If your local hospital does gender reassignment surgery, you may want to ask for the names of some counselors they use.
Here are a couple of sites I found that may help--I don't personally know anything about them, so check them out carefully: Transgender.org and Transgender Support Site .
I would suggest that you work with counseling/therapy to sort this all out before you make any decisions about your future. You deserve to feel good about who you are, so take the time to find out who "you" really are.
Just in case you need Crisis Resources , here's a link to some toll-free ones.I hope your wife is seeing a counselor or therapist to help her, too. Maybe one of our members who has gone through this will share their story with you.
In support,
Byroney
Report This| Share this:Marriage and TransgenderedWelcome Anon_234670 and thank you for posting! It sounds like you have a lot of complicated, conflicting desires and responsibilities pulling you in different directions.<br /> <br />First of all, you may want to look at this article on <a href="http://www.webmd.com/sex/gender-identity-disorder">Gender Identity Disorder</a> . It discuses everything from diagnosis to treatment.<br /> <br />If the counselor/therapist you're seeing does not have experience with transgender/gender identity disorder, please consider seeking one who does. You need someone who can really understand your unique issues and is <i>really supportive</i>. If your local hospital does gender reassignment surgery, you may want to ask for the names of some counselors they use.<br /> <br />Here are a couple of sites I found that may help--I don't personally know anything about them, so check them out carefully: <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.transgender.org/">Transgender.org</a> and <a rel="nofollow" href="http://heartcorps.com/journeys/">Transgender Support Site</a> .<br /> <br />I would suggest that you work with counseling/therapy to sort this all out before you make any decisions about your future. You deserve to feel good about who you are, so take the time to find out who "you" really are. <br /> <br />Just in case you need <a href="http://www.webmd.com/help/crisis-resources">Crisis Resources</a> , here's a link to some toll-free ones.I hope your wife is seeing a counselor or therapist to help her, too. Maybe one of our members who has gone through this will share their story with you.<br /> <br />In support,<br /> <br />Byroney
Greyhoundfan74 replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thank you Byroney,
The counselor I am seeing supports my issue which is a great help. I have been looking all over for resources regarding keeping a marriage and coming out transgender. I unfortunately have found little to no information. There seems to be information on marriage and affairs but that does not fit my situation. Do you happen to know of any information on hair thinning and hair loss. My hair has been thinning out and it does not help with my overall appearance.
Any help regarding information is greatly appreciated.
The counselor I am seeing supports my issue which is a great help. I have been looking all over for resources regarding keeping a marriage and coming out transgender. I unfortunately have found little to no information. There seems to be information on marriage and affairs but that does not fit my situation. Do you happen to know of any information on hair thinning and hair loss. My hair has been thinning out and it does not help with my overall appearance.
Any help regarding information is greatly appreciated.
Report This| Share this:Marriage and TransgenderedThank you Byroney,<br /> <br />The counselor I am seeing supports my issue which is a great help. I have been looking all over for resources regarding keeping a marriage and coming out transgender. I unfortunately have found little to no information. There seems to be information on marriage and affairs but that does not fit my situation. Do you happen to know of any information on hair thinning and hair loss. My hair has been thinning out and it does not help with my overall appearance.<br /> <br />Any help regarding information is greatly appreciated.
Greyhoundfan74 replied to Greyhoundfan74's response:
To save my marriage, I am thinking hard about how best to have some kind or transitioning and be married. I am thinking outside the box on what my wife and I can accept. The only thing is I cannot make up her choice and what she can and cannot accept. Which makes this so very uncomfortable for me since I don't feel we will ever compromise to the best of my mental health.
Report This| Share this:Marriage and TransgenderedTo save my marriage, I am thinking hard about how best to have some kind or transitioning and be married. I am thinking outside the box on what my wife and I can accept. The only thing is I cannot make up her choice and what she can and cannot accept. Which makes this so very uncomfortable for me since I don't feel we will ever compromise to the best of my mental health.
Byroney_WebMD_Staff replied to Greyhoundfan74's response:
Hello again, Greyhoundfan74!
I am glad to hear your counselor is so supportive. A quick search on Google yielded these Transgender Legal Resources. I do not personally know anything about these organizations, but you may want to contact them and find out about the laws in your state:
National Center for Transgender Equality
www.NCTEquality.org
Sylvia Rivera Law Project
www.srlp.org
Transgender Law Center
www.TransgenderLawCenter.org
Transgender Law and Policy Institute
www.TransgenderLaw.org
Here are some Tips for Caring for Thinning Hair and a slideshow on Men's Hair Loss Solutions that may help. I sure wish you and your wife the best as you work your way through this.
Please feel free to post and let us know how you're doing,
Byroney
I am glad to hear your counselor is so supportive. A quick search on Google yielded these Transgender Legal Resources. I do not personally know anything about these organizations, but you may want to contact them and find out about the laws in your state:
National Center for Transgender Equality
www.NCTEquality.org
Sylvia Rivera Law Project
www.srlp.org
Transgender Law Center
www.TransgenderLawCenter.org
Transgender Law and Policy Institute
www.TransgenderLaw.org
Here are some Tips for Caring for Thinning Hair and a slideshow on Men's Hair Loss Solutions that may help. I sure wish you and your wife the best as you work your way through this.
Please feel free to post and let us know how you're doing,
Byroney
Report This| Share this:Marriage and TransgenderedHello again, Greyhoundfan74!<br /> <br />I am glad to hear your counselor is so supportive. A quick search on Google yielded these Transgender Legal Resources. I do not personally know anything about these organizations, but you may want to contact them and find out about the laws in your state:<br /> <br /><b>National Center for Transgender Equality<br /></b><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.nctequality.org/">www.NCTEquality.org</a> <br /> <br /><b>Sylvia Rivera Law Project<br /></b><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.srlp.org/">www.srlp.org</a> <br /> <br /><b>Transgender Law Center<br /></b><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.transgenderlawcenter.org/">www.TransgenderLawCenter.org</a> <br /> <br /><b>Transgender Law and Policy Institute<br /></b><a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.transgenderlaw.org/">www.TransgenderLaw.org</a> <br /> <br />Here are some <a href="http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/hair-loss/5-tips-care-for-thinning-hair">Tips for Caring for Thinning Hair</a> and a slideshow on <a href="http://www.webmd.com/skin-problems-and-treatments/hair-loss/slideshow-men-solutions">Men's Hair Loss Solutions</a> that may help. I sure wish you and your wife the best as you work your way through this. <br /> <br />Please feel free to post and let us know how you're doing,<br /> <br />Byroney<br />
Greyhoundfan74 replied to Byroney_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thanks so much Byroney!
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