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Am I Bisexual? Does my wife suspect it?
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An_247932 posted:
For the last 10 years or so, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I could be "bisexual" or curious about sexual acts with guys. I have often fantasized about going down on a guy, and look at porn that includes those types of sex acts as well. I have never had an actual experience with a man, but am extremely curious about the act of giving oral sex. However, I am married to an amazing woman, who grew up conservatively and isnt as open minded as I would like. Shes not homophobic, but doesnt have much exposure to these types of things. Recently, my urges to experiment have gotten intense, and frequent. I find myself talking to quite a few female friends, and even family members about my situation in regard to my sexual orientation. I really want to tell my wife, but I am scared beyond belief that she will not understand, and freak out on me. To be quite honest, the fact that I have never had an actual experience sexually may not mean I am bisexual, but I do know that the urge to give oral sex is intense. It seems as though I can talk to everyone but her abotu this, and it has recently came back to bite me, as a couple of her siblings had people tell them I was questioning them in regard to how i came off sexual orientation wise. How do I tell my wife i have fantasies about men? Is there a way to somehow "gauge" her reaction, to see how she might react..or if she currently suspects anything? it should also be noted that I get teased all the time, and have been teased all my life because people think i am gay, or have those tendencies. The following incident happened over a year ago. so i look at the craigslist casual encounters section..alot. never respond to any ads or anything..but i like looking at the couples looking for men section.i search bi couples alot. anyways, about 8 months ago..i left it up on the browser. she saw it. asked me about it that night, and was like why were you on that site? i freaked out immediately and told her it was a pop up, and that i didnt go there on purpose. shes like bull, i clicked back..and saw the pages you looked at. she then asked if i was curious about what type of people posted on there, thats what i told her i mean. she then flat out asks..you arent gay are you? i say no immediately and shes like, then its not a huge deal, just dont lie to me about it.[br>[br>Ultimately, what I would like out of this entire situation is acceptance. My end goal is her accepting this part of me. I have really hated myself for the last how many years because of these urges. I look at a man, and immediately think of how nice his penis might look , or taste..or feel inside of me. Up until lately, the urges were just for the penis..but now..they are towards a certain guy. They have grown in a sense. I get very nervous and anxious around him, not to mention very aroused. Problem is, he is the husband of my wifes best friend. The other reason I want to know what she thinks is because every now and then, she will make little jokes, or comments that indicate to me she suspects something at the very least. She will randomly ask me if I am gay, and play it off as a joke..then when I ask her if she thinks I am, she says Cant you take a joke, I am just giving you a hard time.


I honestly wish i knew exactly what my wife suspected/thought already..that way I think I could approach it better with her. If she does suspect something, then she is really good at hiding it because the times shes made jokes, i will ask her if she thinks i like men or something and immediately she says no.[br>[br>Another issue i am facing is i have talked to quite a few people. Her couple good friends know, which got to her sisters. The sisters said they wouldnt say anything and didnt want to get involved..but part of me wonders if someone will before i get a chance to talk to her. [br>[br>Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get more of an accurate read on her suspicions before I fully tell her?
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Debbie1Lawrence responded:
The reality is that a large percentage of the population is bisexual to one degree or another. This my express itself as a man who marries a woman who dresses in pants and loose blouses a lot, wears "sensible shoes", and is a bit heavier, more like a man than a woman.

Conversely, there are women who prefer their men thinner, lighter, more gentle, more romantic and emotional, and more willing to share feelings, help with cooking, cleaning, and laundry, or even do those things.

In the bedroom, there are men who like dominant women and women who like more submissive men.

Bisexuality can express itself in hundreds of different ways that are normal, healthy, and promote a healthy relationship.

What you might want to look at is WHY you are attracted to men? Look at your fantasies and your realities. What would you want to do with them? What would you want them to do to you?

Some men are attracted to other men by the fantasy of casual and easy sex. Others want to be dominated and think a man could do it better. Others think sex with Joe would be as much fun as a couple of beers with Joe.

The pitfal or trap here is that it is very easy to become obsessed with the fantasy when we have no idea what reality would be like. It's sad when a man compares his wife who works, eats dinner, and sleeps with him and can't look her best 24/7 to a model in a photo who has been carefully posing for 2-3 minutes at a time to get the best possible poses, and the photographer has chosen the best of 30 or so shots.

The guy who looks like the Chippendale's dancer works out every day, may do steroids, and might be a top. He might want to do things you wouldn't like, or may want you to be the top.

Consider exploring a wider variety of these options with your wife. Books like Joy of Sex, and magazines like Penthouse Forum and Variations are classic sources of inspiration.

You might also want to consider asking your wife to spend 24 hours thinking about what she would like to do if she could live out ANY sexual fantasy she wanted. She just MIGHT like the idea of putting on a strap-on and giving YOU a ride.

Communication is the key. Too often, heterosexual married couples settle into a routine that "gets the job done". Often, neither are all that excited about it, and it becomes more like a chore than an exciting time to share passion, intimacy, ecstasy, and bliss.

If you are keeping secrets, you can almost bet that she has a few too. It's only when you can let her truly have the freedom to share ANY sexual fantasy that you might even have a chance of safely sharing yours.

Wouldn't it be fun if she wanted a three-some with you and another guy? Or wanted you to watch? (You could be the warm-up).


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