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Gay and Insecure
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mikieboyy posted:
I am a 20 year old gay male. I came out when I was sixteen. Accepted by my family and all my close friends. For others who do not accept it I have no problem with brushing it off. I have been in about two "serious" relationships so to speak. One which lasted 6 months and the other that lasted for about a year. In the world we are living in now...I believe it is safe to say...those are pretty serious. I do not walk around with an ego but I will say I am a good looking guy with a personality to boot. I weight about 170 and stand 6 feet tall. But as this past year has progressed I have found myself more and more insecure. I find myself not good looking enough, on the verge of being fat( seeing as how pretty much any good looking gay male out there is skinny), and just not desirable to anyone. I just find it very hard out there to find a guy to take me for me rather than what I can do for than. Getting older I thought it might be a little easier to figure these things out...but lately its just a world of hardship and insecurities..... any words of wisdom?
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02554 responded:
Hi mikieboyy am glad you decided to come here for advice. Don't worry about finding someone who will love you for you because in this time and age people are looking beyond physical appearance and material things. People are becoming more intuned with there emotional side. Don't worry you will find true love soon. Hang in there and be strong. :wink:
 
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mikieboyy responded:
Thank you for your advice. I agree and I saw that happening. But then i just fell into this place where I thought none of that ran true. I guess I am just in rut right now
 
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02554 responded:
mikieboyy its seems as if you have been used. Judging by what your saying. I say wait for love, don't go searching for it. The next person that you decide to go steady with your feelings for each other should be mutual and if its not just have fun with the relationship and don't take things so serious. Okay? Your still young and at your age you should be having fun. Settling down may come but don't push for it :lightsmile:
 
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mikieboyy responded:
It is definitely good to hear this from someone outside from who I know. I am definitely going to take your advice. I guess I just grew up at a young age so I think I should have something legit and serious already. I just have to learn how to take it one day at a time and enjoy having fun.
 
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02554 responded:
I grew up at a young age too. I have been on my own since I was like 16 and now am 22. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years. I settled down early because i found the one but unfortunately that doesn't work in all cases so just have some fun and if it happens it happens. Before I met her I had was in an out of relationships and then i met her and everything changed. I was looking for it but it happended and I am happy now. Some days with her are bad and some are good but I just hang tight and pray for the best. I have alot of gay male friends that i hang with and they come across those issues everyday. You will find love and believe me when you do you will be loving it.
 
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mikieboyy responded:
Thanks alot man for the advice
 
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02554 responded:
I am a woman mikieboyy. :sheepish: . Your welcome. If you have any additional concerns you can always post it here :wink:
 
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mikieboyy responded:
LOL jk...thanks miss =)
 
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02554 responded:
Thats fine :sillygrin: Enjoy your day...
 
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lifer0727 responded:
I can relate. My advice is address the insecurities that you have. If you are pleased with your body, attitude, etc., then you have to realize it's not a problem with you, it's with the people around you that have this idealized guy that they are looking for, that likely doesn't exist. If the insecurites are something that you've noticed about yourself, you're the only one that can change it, but just be sure that the changes you make are for yourself. Hang in there, stop looking for love or anything serious, you're still young, date and have fun, and when you least expect it love may find you.
 
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mikieboyy responded:
Thanks for the advice lifer0727...Its just been of late that I have been feeling this way..Maybe something in the water...Just wanted to get some advice outside from people I know. I guess I just see the relationships that most of my friends are in..then there is single Michael....just living the life by himself...Kind of gets to you...but I definitely plan on taking your advice...really opened my eyes.. -Mikie
 
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Byroney_WebMD_Staff responded:
I know 02554 and Lifer already gave a lot of great advice and support. I just thought I'd mention if you feel like you're in a rut, maybe you need a change of scenery. Do you have some hobbies you enjoy? Join a club and or go to a show/convention around that hobby, or maybe enjoy a group focused on that hobby online. Do you like dogs? If so, go to a dog show. It's been my experience that there's a lot more gays and lesbians watching and participating in dog, cat, and horse shows. Many top handlers, judges, and breeders in dogs are gay, for instance. How about signing up for a swim class or a volleyball team? The whole idea is to start doing some things you enjoy and speaks to who you are. A person who is comfortable in their skin and happy about who they are attracts others. Maybe it will be 'The One.' And if you meet at event centered around something you enjoy, you'll already have something in common to build on. Best wishes, Byroney
 
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mikieboyy responded:
That sounds like something I actually would really enjoy doing. =) Thanks alot
 
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justinian1978 responded:
I remember feeling that way when I was your age, too. I'm now 30, and gay, and I'm certainly not the thin pretty gay guy people think of when they imagine the perfect gay man. But you know what? I'm totally okay with that. When I was your age, I thought there was nothing more important than finding a boyfriend and being loved. As I've gotten older, I've realized I focused too much on a part of your life that, frankly, few of us have any control over. If you meet someone, it's cool, but try to find another activity or a hobby to fill the time. Single life can be really fun, too! Don't feel badly about yourself -- you aren't fat, you aren't ugly, and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. Focus on loving yourself for you who are, not what you look like. Look into your interests and hobbies. Join a gym or a book club. I have dinner with friends during the week, nights out at a club or a movie, and I keep busy with my job during the day. In my free time I build computers and surf the net, read, and garden. I'm rarely bored, and I think I have a pretty full life. Take care of yourself, kiddo. You sound like a nice guy, so keep your chin up!


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