Grief & Loss Community

Dear Heather Anne, Perhaps others will respond with their thoughts and experiences but, to me, your dreams make sense. You so want him to be alive that your wishes are entering your dreams. I think it wasn't until at least a year had passed that I began dreaming of my loved one. And it took me at least two years to feel the worst of my grieving was behind me. Be gentle with yourself. *hugs*

I am in the same boat you are. My dad just died of Leukemia in June and I began dreaming about him immediately. In my dreams I know that he has died and can't make sense of why I am seeing him. Most of the time, he is near my house doing traditional house or yard work. It is typical dad. In the dream I have a sense of gratitude for getting to be near him and hug him again. When I wake I still feel grateful and relief. As if I've been on a long vacation and am happy to get home. It makes me feel like he is still a part of me and will be with me forever. I don't think dreams are wish fulfillment, I think they have a deeper meaning. I think your dreams can connect you to your dad. Just like they do with me. But you get to chose how you interpret your dreams. I'm sorry your loss was traumatic and I pray it doesn't haunt your dreams. Like you I cry when I think about my dad and talk about him. I think it's natural, but as far as grieving goes ... nothing is the same for everyone.

I was shocked seeing your posting, because I am going through the same thing for the last 4 years now. I was so close to my dad, and I was with him when he was gone.... Everyday I think about him, talk to his picture, feel as such he is around me. Though these things are under my control, I wonder every day, how he comes in my dreams which I don't control.. My eyes will be watery if I talk about him to anybody.. I think we both couldn't accept the fact that our dad is gone.. My husband always tells me that time will heal anything and everything.. I hope you get through this tough time.. I feel quite light after replying to you seeing there are other people like me..

I know exactly how you are feeling and what you are going through.

My mother passed away a little over four months ago and I was also there during her last moments along with my brother and my father. We were all there together as a family, which is exactly how it should have been for us.

I have also had dreams that she is still alive, not every night, however I have had them frequently and they are upsetting when you wake up because you KNOW that they are gone however the dreams are so vivid and feel real. I have had these dreams and been thrown off all day due to them.

The only thing that I can think of is that either this is a way that they are still "touching" our lives or that they mean so much to us that our minds are creating a place where things are still "normal" or it is our way of still being "with" them. Either way it is not such a bad thing, it is hard sometimes, but it is not a bad thing to be thinking of the ones that you love so dearly.

As my grief therapist told me...Americans tend to deal with grief alot differently than other cultures. We tend to feel rushed to grieve and when we "dwell" on our loss we get labeled as depressed, which I do not believe is necessarily the case; for some yes, for others no. American Indians for example shave their heads when there is a loss in their family and the whole tribe can see where they are in the grieving process by the length of their grown out hair. Not saying that is right or wrong, but it is anothers cultures way of dealing with grief.

I hope this helps to know that others are in the same situation that you are. I do believe that it is perfectly natural to have these dreams.

Dear Heather Anne, I lost my mom two years ago, she was 73 and her health had been going down for sometime, this Friday, Oct. 2nd, is her Birthday. Since she passed on, I have dreamt about her at least once a week, they are always good dreams and I always wake feeling close to her. I, too, sometimes forget she's gone, even though it's been two years, when I'm doing something we used to do together, like taking her to get both our hair permed, etc. I hope your dreams of your dad are always good, as mine are of my mom. I personally believe that even though our loved ones pass on, they are always with us in our hearts, thoughts, dreams and memories. I actually feel my mom's, both my grandmothers', and other loved ones' presence around me all the time. Death is not an end, only a transition, sad though it is for those left behind. I wish you peace, Heather. God's peace, mercy, love and blessings be with you, everyday. Hugs. A friend.

Your dreams are just your dad's way of telling you he is ok & will always be a part of your life. This makes alot of sense if you believe in an afterlife. And even if you don't...his spirit lives on in the lives of all who loved him. He lives on in YOU, with your memories of him, & all the wisdom he taught you.

Not everyone is attuned to or sensitive to these types of messages, & that is ok, too. It is ok to cry when you think about him or talk about him. In time, even though you may get misty eyed when mentioning him, you will also remember the good times & then smile. When you wake up from these dreams, say "thank you" for the message & take comfort in knowing that your dad is always with you...forever.

Hi Heather,

Of course what yer going thru is normal.

Listen...My Dad died...ready for this - - 40 years ago this year. I was 12, now Im 51 and I still have dreams about him. Dreams where him, me Mum and I are sitting in the livingroom, talking, watching tv...cool dreams.

And like i said - Dad died 40 years ago and I'm still dreaming about him. So relax, love. People dream dreams about the people they love because, well, they are the people they loved!!

Best of the Best to ya.

Yer Pal, Thee

I lost my mother nine years ago, and I still have that kind of dream every once in a while. Not as much as I did during the first year or two, though. I'd say it's completely normal.

ajk1962f

I'm very sorry for your loss; my dad is dying and I'm facing the rollercoaster of emotions that you've probably gone through and are going through.

I don't think there's anything wrong or abnormal with your dreams at all. My grandma died in 1996; my great grandma died in 1989. Both still come into my dreams from time to time-I'd say at least six to eight times a year, minimum, and they're always alive. Sometimes Great Grandma is dying, but I always either wake up or the dream ends before she actually dies.

Your dad, just like my grandma and great-grandma, was a huge part of your life since you were born and was a wonderful precious person in your life. Memory and love don't end when someone you care for and cherish that much dies. Those memories and that love still continue on and can show up in dreams.

It may have just started up now because you've come to a point in the grieving process that your heart is ready to bring your dad back into your dreams. It may have been too painful before or the emotions were running so strongly that your mind knew you needed to let the dreams wait so you could get the rest you needed at the time.

Take care and be gentle with yourself; this is not an easy process to go through.

hi heather,

lost my dad nine years ago i dreamt about my dad after he died, not every night though, i was very close to my dad i went on holidays, watched football with my dad, went out for meals, etc i used to dream he was just standing there , maybe your missing your dad so much and subconcious is making you dream of your dad, im just guessing, i still cry sometimes but remember happy times and good times, and count myself very lucky to be close to my dad and would want me to be happy, maybe your dad does too hope this helps take care

First off, I believe death as we perceive it is not a finality where the lights go out and consciousness ceases. I think death is the spirit leaving its molecular vehicle but the consciousness remains in a more electric form. I know many will find this notion controversial - but its their experiences versus mine...

I have been there with several loved ones who have passed on. Sometimes they give me assurance they are fine. Sometimes they give me advice or warnings about things that are about to happen in my waking life. It is easiest for them to communicate when you are in a sleeping state.

Read: "What Dreams May Come" by Richard Matheson. It aligns with some of my personal experiences and will explain a lot. Yes - there was a movie made BASED on the book - but the movie is just a thread from it. I suggest reading the book before you watch the movie. (Though the movie is beautiful)

I lost my dad 6 years ago and I still have dreams. My dreams began about 2 weeks after his death. They are not very common, but when I do have them, they are so vivid. The dreams are weird. I talk with him. We were walking the dog one time. I ask him questions and he answers me; it's scary. I know what he's wearing.

I wasn't there when he died; no one was. Nobody I know has dreams like mine either. Like I said, they are more infrequent now but they have always existed. They have always comforted me. I think because I miss talking to him and I can do it in my mind now. So, I really don't think they'll ever end. I've accepted his death but I'll never be able to fill that void. I really do think it's my mind's way of substituting his presence in my life.

My brother passed away several yrs ago. My Mom and Dad use to wake up in the middle of the night cause they could hear me laughing and talking and playing with someone. In my dreams me and my brother would play like we always did. My family could not understand why my brother would not visit them in their dreams. About a year after he passed away, I was dreaming that we were riding our bikes and we were about to run out of road so I stopped and my brother kept going. I yelled for him to stop and he did then he turned around on his bike and looked at me with a big smile and he raised his arm and waved good bye to me and floated away from me. I yelled to please come back, I tried chasing him but I couldn't move. A short while after my dream while I was in church, I told the priest about my dreams, and told him my brother hasn't come to me in my dreams anymore and I explained to him what happened in the last dream I had of him. He explained to me that there are 3 levels, The 1st is earth, the 2nd is intermediate, the 3rd is heaven. When someone we are very close to dies, we can sometimes hold them back from reaching the third level Heaven. He said we have to completely let go of our loved one otherwise they are not resting in peace in Heaven. I told him that I accepted knowing he had passed away and I couldn't understand how I could be holding him back. He said your mind tells you he's gone and you accept it but your heart, your love, your inner spirit says something else. He said what happened in my last dream, was I released my brother, I gave him my "Blessing" to go and be in peace, Many othershave also told me the same thing. How true this is I don't know. But from my own experience, I believe it , I only wish I could explain it better. I would suggest you enjoy your dreams to the fullest at the same time look deep into them, there is a possibility that he might be trying to tell you something. He Loves you very much and its obvious, Good luck and may God bless you with faith and give you strength and courage to get thru your grieving time.

Heather, I can completely relate to you. Dreams are definitely weird! In my opinion , they are a way for us who are still here on Earth to communicate with the ones we've lost. I lost my dad in 2005 and my grandfather in 2008. My grandfather raised me, so he was like a dad to me. In Jan. of 2008 he was killed by a teen boy who was speeding (70mph) and blew through a stop sign. The dreams started even before he died. My grandpa was on life support but technically brain dead, after 8 days on life support, we decided it was best to " pull the plug", he then lived 3 more days before expiring. During those 11 days in total I had numerous dreams. lots of my dreams were childhood memories- us vactioning, family gatherings, holidays, etc.. In those dreams my grandpa was always alive and well. Now my dreams are much less frequent and contain him and I side by side talking, going for walks, just peaceful things. I hope you realize you are not alone, many of us grief-stricken people out here do have dreams. Weird? Sure some may say, but also wonderful, it's so good to be able to see, feel, touch those we lost through our dreams. Good luck sweetie:)