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I'm so angry with myself!!!!
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ttomm1946 posted:
After posting here starting 5 years ago about losing my fiance Barb, this will seem trivial to a lot of hurting folks but it's tearing me to pieces


I can't stop crying....I hate myself right now.....

As i was leaving today i noticed my kitty laying in the rain...He seemed somewhat listless ..Just set when i brought him in....

I thought he would probably be ok so i ran to wal mart ..when i got back he started jerking so i rushed him to the vet ..she said he probably wouldn't make it because it was neurological and looked like rabies.....

she sent me to an emergency vet but my poor kitty died on the way over..My damn fault for waiting to long and letting him go outside

I started crying on the way to the vet and I haven't quit...He scratched me..not sure if he bit so part of him goes to little rock to check for rabies...It was my choice and i feel terrible having him decapitated and right now i wish i would have died with him

Tom
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Oh Tom, I'm so sorry! And no, this isn't trivial to anyone here. Our pets are part of our family and it just plain hurts when we lose them. The circumstances all sound pretty traumatic to me, too. ((((hugs))))

Please forgive yourself for not acting sooner. It's not like you left him for long and it sounds like it's doubtful that the delay changed the outcome.

Be kind to yourself, Tom, and know we're here to support you through this loss too.
 
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wifeofnamvet responded:
tom i'm sorry for your loss...please don't blame yourself, because i can relate to how your feeling....3 years ago a stray dog came to us on the 4th of july , so we named him freedom and took care of him and loved him for 2 short weeks...we had placed an ad in the paper in case someone lost him....he was very attached to me....one rainy morning i was going to go to work and freedom would not get away from me....i told my husband maybe i should stay home because he acted like he didn't want me out of his site....my husband said he would make sure he was okay....so i left and when i pulled out of our driveway and headed down the road, freedom bolted out the door...i didnt see him!! i hit him and slammed the brakes and was crying hysterically....my husband picked him up put him in the car and we went as fast as we could to the vet...i was crying endlessly and they came up to me and said there wasnt anything more they could do...he died shortly after...i was beyond heartbroken..i traded our car but i still have his collar....no one ever replied to the ad...but i know he loved me and i know i let him down....i live with him thinking i hurt him on purpose....that was 3 years ago july but it still hurts....it took me along time to be able to get passed what i did....your kitty already new you loved him just by the love and care you gave everyday...no broken heart is trivial.....i wish you well and hope your heart can heal........
 
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ttomm1946 replied to wifeofnamvet's response:
I'm so very sorry about freedom...I bet He's watching you now
hugs to all
tom
 
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ttomm1946 replied to ttomm1946's response:
your story of freedom has me crying all over again,,,I'm so sorry for your loss
Tom
 
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wifeofnamvet replied to ttomm1946's response:
thank you, but i hope i didn't make you feel worse, i just wanted you to know that our pets are very much attached to our hearts......if it was not for the 4 dogs i have i would not be able to get through these heartbreaking days.......i wish you well and hope your heart can heal......
 
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Grandmaof03 responded:
Tom,

I was looking for a place to share my story of grief and found your post...I am so sorry for your loss...both of them....

I know how you feel concerning your kitty and feeling you waited to long to take him to the vet and letting him outside..

My Mikey the beagle dog passed away a little over 24 hours ago...my heart is so broke...he had cancer, was at stage 5b which means it was everywhere...he had no signs...I took him to the vet for dried mucas around his nose and he was dx'ed..I was not sure if I as going to treat or just make him comfortable so within 2 weeks I found myself having to hurry and make the decission to treat because he was just getting worse and worse...

On the 15th I took him to the oncoligist and started chemo...I did not see his bloodwork results before I let him start chemo because if I had I would probably have not started the chemo..

Within hours of his treatment I was on my way to the vet because he was so lethargic..he was admitted to the ICU and at 9am on the 16th the vet called me and Mikey was stable at 930 he called again Mikey had passed...

When I started the treatment I told every vet I saw that I did not want him admitted to any hospital because I did not want him to pass without me holding him....exactly what I was trying to aviod happeing...happened...

And although I was assured over and over again...that Mikey passed peacefully....the guilt I am harboring is tremendous...so between, guilt and grief...quite honestly I can hardly get out of bed...

I take comfort that I will be with him again...also that he is with god and I am positive he is healthy and whole again...

Thank you for letting me share my story...

I hope it makes you feel a little better knowing that others have the same feelings you do...

Good Luck to you
Colleen
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to Grandmaof03's response:
Dear Colleen,

I am so sorry for your loss and I'm glad you found us. (((hugs)))

Be gentle with yourself.
 
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ttomm1946 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thanks all...feel a little better now

Tom
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to ttomm1946's response:
I'm glad to hear that you're feeling a bit better now, Tom. Thanks for coming back here and letting us know.
 
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An_198043 responded:
Many thoughts are with you....I really don't know any other words of comfort to offer because I can see how deep your pain is, but please know that I understand and I hope that you will find peace.
 
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ttomm1946 replied to An_198043's response:
The next door neighbor just had two cats die.apparently just like mine..


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