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    New Here..Loss on 12/11/10
    bcbailey1977 posted:
    On 12/11/10 at 9:30am (AZ time), my mom let the battle of cancer stop. She fought since 2007 when she was first diagnosed. I spent every day in the hospital with her from the time the 911 call was made until I came back from the cafeteria to find out she had passed on. I had spent 2-3 nights there and I have FM and CFS and could hardly move every morning.

    I spent my birthday picking out an urn I can put on a shelf for me. A real small one. Size of a shot glass. My dad forgot it was my birthday.

    I don't know how to grieve.

    I was pregnant in high school and the father was killed in front of me. I was there when they pronounced him at the ER. 3 1/2 weeks later I had a check up and the baby was stillborn. He died in a 3 day period since my last MD visit.

    So it went like this, boyfriend had accident, went to school, had funeral and everything was supposed to be ok from then on. I had to deliver a stillborn baby boy that they had to sedate me with so much Ativan and other stuff so that I would fall asleep. I let my mom and my boyfriend's mom hold the baby first. I had the baby on a Saturday and was back at school on Monday and the following weekend we had a small ceremony because he is in the same casket as his father. then my life resumed to normal. I gave up my Chemistry scholarship to UT Austin, family housing. My boyfriend had one too.

    That one set of events changed what my life was supposed to be what it is now.

    Then my mom dies of cancer and having not ever grieved the loss of a boyfriend and the baby, how am I gonna grieve my mom.

    I don't know what I am gonna do since I get a certain way when it comes to the month of the accident of my boyfriend and loss of baby.

    My mom's death came right before my birthday and I am an only child and I live at home because I can't hardly walk up a flight of stairs because of my FM. I have no boyfriend to lean on. My closest friends are out of town right now so I pretty much don't have much of a support system right now.

    I pretty much feel numb but I have to help my dad. Help with the bills because my mom did all that stuff and didn't really show my dad enough to grasp it. So my leave to grieve or whatever is spent helping make phone calls, showing him how to get the bills paid etc.

    Any advice would be great

    PaperLeaves responded:
    It is so new to you. Do you have anyone you can go to? Can you bear this weight alone? Can you get some inpatient therapy for your grief and FM? Someone needs to be there for you. It may be tempting to subsume your feelings in taking over duties of the household for your dad but that really isn't your job. You will be in my thoughts. A boyfriend may not be the best idea right now because of your previous experience. Not getting pregnant should be a priority for you. With a history of cancer and FM genetic odds may be against you. Raising a child is difficult with a mom and a dad as evidenced by your current life. Find someone to talk to, as soon as possible.

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