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I MISS MY DAD SO MUCH
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DPOZNACK posted:
I DON'T THINK A DAUGHTER AND FATHER COULD HAVE BEEN ANY CLOSER THEN ME AND MY DAD- HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH NSCLC IN APRIL OF 2010- I WAS MY FATHER'S MAIN CAREGIVER THROUGH THE LAST 8 MONTHS- I SAW HIM ALMOST EVERYDAY- WE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES IN THE PAST , BUT ONCE HE WAS DIAGNOSED I WAS ALWAYS BY HIS SIDE - HE ALWAYS CALLED ME HIS "ROCK- I'AM SO HAPPY WE HAD SO MANY SPECIAL TIMES BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY ON DEC.3 2010-WE WERE ALL BY HIS SIDE AND I WAS ADMINISTERING ( WITH HOSPICE) HIS MORPHINE THROUGHOUT THE DAY- NURSE SAID HE WAS COMFORTABLE , BUT ASKED US TO CALL THE PRIEST( LAST RIGHTS)- AT THE MOMENT THE PRIEST WAS READING FROM THE BIBLE MY FATHER SAT UP VERY FAST AND STARTING MOVING AROUND ,BUT COULDN'T SPEAK- HIS EYES OPENED VERY WIDE AND HE LOOKED DIRECTLLY AT ME - I TOLD HIM IT WAS OK AND THAT I WAS GOING TO GIVE HIM MORE MEDS- I TURNED TO GET HIM MORE MEDS (IT JUST TOOK ME SECS TO GET IT) WHEN I TURNED AROUND ...HE WAS EXPIRING- I STAYED WITH HIM FOR AWHILE AND CRYED- I JUST CAN'T GET THAT VISION OUT OF MY HEAD- I DON'T WANT TO THINK HE WAS STRUGGLING,IN PAIN OR SCARED- I TOLD HIM I WOULD BE THERE FOR HIM TILL THE END AND I STEPPED AWAY TO GET THE MEDS-I I'AM SO SAD ABOUT EVERYTHING AND THE PAIN I FEEL IS IMMEASURABLE- I MISS HIM SO MUCH- CAN SOMEONE PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THEY EXPERIENCED THIS ASWELL- I SPOKE TO THE PRIEST, SOCIAL WORKER AND DOC- THEY ALL HAD DIFFERENT EXPLANATIONS- THAT MOMENT WAS VERY IMPORTANT BECAUSE I PROMISED MY DAD THAT I WOULD NEVER LET HIM SUFFER AND I WOULD BE THERE UNTIL THE END- I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS- IT'S SO PAINFUL !!!
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Something similar happened with my mother-in-law when she died. It felt like she was just getting one last look at us. Maybe that's all it was for your dad.

You were there for him, dear one, both physically and otherwise, every day, talking, sharing, loving. He knows that and I have no doubt he was extremely grateful.

How very blessed you two were to have had these last months together. It will give you solace in the months and years to come.

It's very hard to transition from a loving caregiver to not being one any longer. Emotionally it's such a loss but now even your day to day existence has been dramatically changed.

Be patient with yourself through this and through this holiday season. It is going to take time.

And remember to breathe, dear one. And hold on to the love that was between the two of you.
 
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An_198054 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thank you Caprice for all your kind words. Do you believe when a person passes aways that they can send you messages from heaven? I don't mean to sound crazy ,but something happened last night that i think answered some guestions of mine concerning my dad. Does anyone receive messages from their loved ones who have passed on ?
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to An_198054's response:
I am not an expert by any means so this is just my personal experience.... I think anything is possible.

MANY people who have lost loved ones have reported such a thing occurring for them and it bringing them some solace. So hang on to that for yourself.
 
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An_198055 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
I myself are not an expert either... however i believe that my dad sent me many messages the other night- thank you so much for all your kind words and for the comfort those words brought me-i ttys
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to An_198055's response:
You are very welcome, dear one.
 
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DPOZNACK replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
It's Christmas eve morning and I decided to go into NYC tonight-I'am going to attend a mass at St.Pat's cathedral and light a candle in honor of my dad-I know he would have liked me to do something like that for him. My dad was a religious person.He was an alter boy when he was little.He also knew how to say all the prayers in latin. I'am going to try to have the kind of Christmas my father would want me to have.I know it's not going to be easy . There will be times l will fall to pieces . I know my dad's spirit will be with me throughout the holiday season. I will try to keep remembering that. Merry Christmas to you and yours Caprice. ttys
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to DPOZNACK's response:
Hi DPOZNACK,

What a lovely idea..... how did it go? How are you doing now that the holiday is behind you? (((hugs)))
 
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DPOZNACK replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
It was wonderful !!! It felt very special to honor my dad like that . Christmas day was ok i guess. I asked my dad to help me get through the day without falling to pieces...he did just that !!! I thought about him all day. I'am glad Christmas is over ... it wasn't easy without him . I miss him so much. I had the rest of the family here for dinner . My mom was not much of a caregiver to my dad when he was sick . I have a hard time being around / talking to her . She seems fine ....like nothing ever happened. The whole time i was caring for my dad she always told me i was doing something wrong .They didn't have the best of marriages , but it was almost like she didn't even care. I just can't seem to get past that. I can't even talk to her about it because she is " never " wrong . Two weeks before he past she said some mean things to him.He told me. I just try to avoid her as often as possable. I hope you had a very nice Christmas. ttys
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to DPOZNACK's response:
It sounds like she wouldn't be a particularly safe person to talk to anyway, unfortunately. So I hope you have others around you who can listen and support you. (((hugs)))

I'm glad it went so well, considering, glad he was with you.

And thank you. My Christmas was okay.
 
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jjchosenjj replied to An_198054's response:
Not directly from your loved ones. Once they're in heaven all else has been forgotten of there past lives. Thats why God says he will wipe away all tears. And being in heaven could never be complete glory and joy when you still have memories of your loved ones who are living. Even if they're good memories, they still bring a sense of longing. It hard for people to hear that, but just know that you should be happy that he's with the Lord where we all aspire to be. The key thing is how we spend our time here on earth in regard to relationships with others. We keep the memories and the lessons learned from one another.......thats the true beauty of life. Sorry im going on here, to answer your question, we can recieve messages. They come from angels though. You see God is through all and in all, therefore he knows all. When you pray, when you cry, angry, confused all those things. And he knows when something is too much for a person to bear. He only lets us bear what we can. Then He takes that burden a way and one way he does it is through his messengers or angels. If you've experienced something like this you should be happy to know that God is with you in your hardship. Matthew 11:28-30
 
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An_198056 replied to jjchosenjj's response:
Thank You jjchosenjj

I knew the holidays would be hard without my dad ( he past Dec 3,2010 ) , but it seems the pain and the loneliness is worse now. I feel lost and so sad.i feel as sense of fear to.I don't know why i am feeling fear. Is that normal ?
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to An_198056's response:
All of this is normal, yes, and it can often hit worse once the holidays are over and regular life sets in. It all feels so wrong, doesn't it?

Keep taking care of yourself and talking here if it helps. (((hugs)))
 
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SaraLee17 responded:
You were an angel of a daughter.


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