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My dad taken to soon...
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Jaime510 posted:
My name is Jaime. I lost my dad on December 14 2010, just over 2 weeks ago. I can't believe it. It doesn't seem real.. I just am lost for words sometimes. He was taken to soon..
It started in February of this year. A tumor was found in his belly area. After many tests, they did a surgery in May to remove the tumor. He was in the hospital for over 2 weeks. After, he came home. They said the tumor was a cancers one but they said they did test around the area where the tumor was and said there was no sign of cancer! They said it didn't spread! My dad was getting so much better. He was put on light chemotherapy once a week for a month, they said just to make sure. This was about June.
He was doing really well, went back to work in the end of July. He seemed like he was fine. They told us the cancer didn't spread so we were not even thinking of it anymore. The months past with no issues. Then things quickly took a turn for the worst. His last day of work was December 3ed. He took the next week off cuz he was feeling so tired, started coughing up black looking stuff. He complain of belly pain. December 10 I noticed he was having trouble talking, sounding really weak.
On Monday December 13th we took him to the hospital.. nothing much was said. Then the worst day of my life.. Tuesday December 14 the doctor told us after some tests the cancer has spread to his stomach, liver,and most likely his kidneys. The doctor said he had less then a day.. maybe hours left. I lost my dad that night, of December 14th.
I dont know what I am going to do. I am 25, still living at home and now its just me, my mom and my younger sister. The pain hurts so much I cant believe it. I cant believe hes gone. It seem like it happen so sudden. We thought it was beat, we thought my dad was gonna be fine.
Every day I wish it was a bad dream, it feels like a never ending nightmare. It pains me even more to see my mom in tears. I just dont know what I am going to do. My dad meant so much to me. He took care of everything around the house. He was the handy man. He planed the summer road trips, he took care of the bills. What am I gonna to do??
I lost a part of myself when I lost my dad. My family and I was not ready for this. It just happen so sudden. Why would they tell us after doing some test that the cancer didn't spread when it did?!?
I wish I could have done something. Maybe talk to the doctors more about doing more heavy chemotherapy for a longer time. I feel like I could have done something.
My emotions are all over the place. I am not ready to lose my dad. I am so depressed, I get mad sometimes asking why, why me, why my family.
The biggest thing I dont understand is my dad was so healthy and strong. He loved working, he enjoyed life, took good care of his family, always went to church. How could this happen?? To him??
At times I just want to burst out in tears, looking at some of his things (watch, glasses, etc) makes tears come to my eyes. What should I do? Should I avoid things that remind me of my dad for awhile? I have just been locking myself in my room and keeping to my self, questioning why and how this could have happen.
I am just in total shock. It hurts to much, will I ever get over it?
My dad was just 60, he was healthy and strong his whole adult life.. he was taken way to soon... I loved him and miss him so much, I'd do anything to have him back.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear Jaime,

I am so very sorry for your loss and the circumstances involved. (((softhugs)))

It doesn't sound like you could have done anything, given the information provided to you and your family. And, because he was feeling better for a while, there was no indication to suspect continuing issues.

Hold on to your mom and sister. Let others around you support you. This is all still so incredibly new and it's going to be a bumpy journey. Grief doesn't happen all in a straight line so be patient with yourself and with the process.

In the meantime, take care of your physical health even when you don't feel like it. Eat healthy, exercise a bit, don't isolate. It's all going to feel very artificial for a long time but living day by day pulls you through.

And always feel free to talk here if it helps at all. If you read the other discussions here, you'll see you're not alone.
 
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Jaime510 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thanks for the reply. You are so right when you say it feels artificial. Its been almost 3 weeks and still having trouble believing it sometimes. Still, at times, wanting him to come home from work in the afternoon..
Each day when I wake up, seems to be the worst. Seems to be when the depression is at most. I have such a hard time getting up out of bed. I guess because its when I remember what had happen.
Right now I seem to be having my ups and downs. Sometimes feeling better, then becoming down again. Life has changed around the house and nothing is ever going to be the same again. Every holiday season is going to be a little depressing for me because it will remind me when I lost my dad..


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