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Where is my deceased partner?
badaughter posted:
My partner of 27 years passed away in my arms a year ago and I've only had one dream of him, very short (that I remember) of us in the kitchen getting coffee in the apt. he passed away in. Why doesn't he come to me in my dreams as he does with his mother? Now that I'm alone, I've got way too much time to think and I think about this a lot. We never argued, fought - the last night we spent together was as joyful as we could make it (dispite the colorectal/liver cancer he had). I miss him so much but wonder why he doesn't "come to me" in my dreams? The 'what if', hind sight and guilt trips are driving me up a wall and I really need to come to peace with this. Has anyone gone thru this and found the answers they needed to make peace with loosing a very much loved, GOD sent love one?
Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear one,

I'm sorry for your loss and sorry for your need to be here.

I've been where you are now. I never dreamed of my lost love and felt equally abandoned. And envied those who had such dreams.

I'm not sure it works that way anyway but I still longed for those dreams. Understand that sometimes dreams are just that.... dreams. His mother dreams of him because that's how her mind works while she sleeps.

Not having dreams of him doesn't change that he loved you and you loved him.

Hold on to the joyful memories you do have of him. It sounds like you had so much love between you. That hasn't changed.

Be gentle with yourself and keep talking here if it helps.
badaughter replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Dear Caprice,
The best words I've ever heard - "Be gentle with yourself . . . "
One can beat themselves up inside so bad after loosing a loved one. Should I have done this? I wasn't there for him when - . Stuff like that and I'm finding myself slowly putting Tim in my past so I can get on with my life but it's REALLY hard when he was so much part of me, my life and the companionship we had for ½ of my life. I'm 58 and we were together for 27. That's a looong stretch to 'all of a sudden' cut off of.
I really appreciate your reply Caprice. At least I know that there's someone ( ! ) out there who's been there/gone thru that.
Be gentle with yourself - 4 little words that really hit the spot.
Thanks' a lot,
Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to badaughter's response:
That is a very long stretch and I understand how difficult it is to lose someone who was so integral to your day-to-day life.

I heard 'be gentle with yourself' many many years ago and thought it was perfect too and so I pass it on. We are so hard on ourselves, sometimes, it's a good reminder.

I really have to thank you for returning here to let me know how you're doing. :-)

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