My life is falling apart ...I can't take it anymore !!!!!!
I lost my dad to lung cancer in dec . He and i were very close . I was his primary caregiver ( even though i no longer live with him and my mom).During most of his illness my mom made it very clear( to him an everyone else) in many ways that caring for him was a big inconvience to her. She made it very difficult for him. I know that their marriage wasn't the best , but she said alot of mean things to him before he passed away. During his illness i kept my mouth shut because i didn't want to make it worse for him. I was there everyday to help "him" . Now my mom is mad at me because i'am not giving her the same attention i gave my dad. Her and i were never close.I can't get passed how she treated my dad during his illness. She was mean till the end to him and found fault in everything i did. I'am having enough of a hard time dealing with my dad's loss, but my mom's behavior then an now is "taking me over the top ". Ayone out there with some suggestions????
I am sorry for your recent loss, dear one, and I'm glad you found us.
And very sorry for how things stand with your mother. As if this isn't difficult enough and now you have to deal with this. (((hugs)))
It may really help you to have a few therapy sessions to help you figure out how best to handle the relationship with her in a way that is healthy for you. I'd suggest she join you for some 'family' counseling but she may not be interested. That doesn't mean YOU can't get help for yourself.
It really can help.
Lean on those who do support you. If she calls often, perhaps try screening your calls. Be gentle with yourself through this and do a lot of self care.
Thank you for all your kind words.I went to the dr. last night ....she put me on xanax for anxiety and I'am also waiting for a call back from a phycologist so i can talk about all these things.Thank you for your suggestions. As far as my mother joining me for therapy....i know she would never do that because there is "nothing wrong" with her behavior. We've had many issues throughtout the years that she was clearly in the wrong ( to me and others).Yet for her ... she always feels it is her place to find all of my many faults and make me as well as everyone else aware of them . My dad used to say... "sometimes people have to put down others to feel good about themselves" Not only was my dad the most wonderful dad in the world ...he was also a very wise man. God... I miss him so much !!! Sometimes i go to bed at night wondering how i got through the day.I say that i was always there for my dad , but the reality is he was also always there for me to. We had an amazing father- daughter relationship. The pain of his loss is immearsurable. I hope my father didn't die feeling the same way about my mom as i do . I hope that when I wasn't around ...maybe she had more empathy, Maybe she wanted to treat him that way around me because she knew it would hurt me so deeply. No matter what ... IT IS VERY PAINFUL TO KNOW HOW MY MOTHER TREATED MY DAD WHEN HIS WAS SO ILL !!! (((hugs))) to you Caprice for being so kind !!!
What a wonderful gift your dad gave you... his wisdom, the amazing relationship. Hold on to that because the gift doesn't go away just because he's gone from this world now. Let it continue to give you strength as you go through this.
I'm glad you've started getting help for yourself. You are always welcome to talk here.
Thank you again. i have an appointment with a phycologist tomorrow. The other doc gave me xanax for daytime anxiety (does help). she also perscriped 2 different meds to help me get "some" sleep. i haven't been able to get much more then 3-4 hrs of sleep a night if i'am luncky. Not being able to sleep is sooooo bad in so many ways. The issomia has been going on for a while now .but since my dad's passing and all the other issues ....it's been so much worse. I 'am hoping the doc will be able to help me tomorrow since neither sleep meds seem to be working .I've tried everything ....going to bed the same time everynight, dark cool bedroom, warm milk, no electronics before bed(computert etc.,) no surgar, caffiene after lunch ....etc. This is starting to worry me along with everything else. I even tried lavender with my warm shower every night . Still i continue to function without sleep which i know really magnifies all the other problem. Any suggestions?
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