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unable to cope
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lostben posted:
I have lost my 18 yr old son 30 days ago. We do not know if it was an accident or suicide.The investigation has not been closed but the death certificate states suicide. There were no flags of depression, he had dailey and long term plans for the future. He had many friends and a good relationship with his entire family. I cannot cope . I was able to have the strength to get through the funeral with my husband and 2 older sons,but now I seem to begetting much worse. I cannot leave the house just to get milk from the store by myself without having a full blown anxiety attack. I have no energy. I can function for maybe 3 to 4 hours then I feel as though my body and mind shut down and I can barely stay awake. I do deal with clinical depression and am already on medication. I am terrified I will sink into that horrible hole and this time I will not be able to climb out. I hate this. My husband and sons and parents (who Live with us) need me and I feel cannot be there. I tried to return to work and that went ok because I have wonderful people who care about me there, but now I cannot seem to leave the house. I just want to curl up in bed and disappear. I am afraid that even counseling will not help as I am already under a DR.s care for depression from before this. I cannot seem to function. I am letting a lot of people I love down. I call for counseling appointments but am told I have to wait for a week or two. I don't know what to do.I really hate being a burden to others . I just feel lost and want to do nothing but sleep.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dear one,

You are not letting anyone down. You just lost your son and you are reeling from the devastation.

Focus on getting through one hour at a time and remind yourself to breathe. Give yourself small goals each day such as showering, getting dressed, getting out to get the milk, etc. Take someone with you if you need help. You are NOT weak for needing support right now. Reach out to friends and neighbors for help.

And make that counseling appointment even if it is a week or two away. And keep that appointment. You need help to get yourself through this and that's okay.

It's not surprising you're feeling lost right now. This is a long, painful journey you're on but you will find your way again. Take steps to keep moving forward, and baby steps are fine. One breath at a time.

I am so very sorry for your loss. ((((softhugs)))) You can always talk here if it helps.

Be gentle with yourself.
 
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boxturtle1 responded:
I lost my 15 year old son 40 months ago. It is awful and I am so sorry for you and your family. I won't tell you that it gets better or easier. I will say thay you will eventually learn how to live with this pain - but it will never go away. Try to find others who have had the same kind of loss. They will be the only ones that will begin to understand how deep your grief is and they probably will know what not to say to you. Try to be good to yourself - there are some really helpful books as well - I recommend A Grace Disguised - don't worry - it isn't too religious - You'll learn what a strong person you are. Good luck.


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