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angelichouseife posted:
The story for myself and my family is a very extensive one, so please bear with me. In 2002, our first home burned down to the ground. Otherwise, all was a loss. Fortunately, we had my family there to lean on. We lived with them short term, then to an apartment, the eventually back into our own home. At this time I had just returned from my 6 week maternity leave after having been on bedrest for the last 16 weeks. Our children were 6 weeks, 7 & 9. It was our oldest's golden birthday. As a mother it is my job to protection my children from heartache and here I was having to break their hearts. Then my husband was laid off for 6 months.. then back to work he went, only to be transferred to a city 2 1/2 hours north. This left me with 3 kids, working full time in a home that was unfurnished and us with very little personal belongings. After a year on our own, as we were only able to see Dad about 4 times that year because of his schedule, and much effort to hang on to our marriage. We had decided it was necessary to move there to keep our family together. Flash forward, Feb. 2009 Gas company blew up our home. Here we go again! The looks on my childrens faces will forever be frozen in my mind. This is an image that will stay with me forever. This time, no family to lean on and no where to live. We stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks until we could find temporary housing. We had to move 3 times before we located a place we could stay in for longer than a year if need be. I turned into a zombie, then 3 weeks later my husband lost his job! It was based on faulty charges by the employer and the union was fighting it, only it would take awhile to dispute (6 months). Our family was considered homeless by the school district. I had only been at my job for about 4 months and had absolutely no vacation, so all my time off was unpaid. Once I was able to get my head a little bit clearer I HAD to go back to work. Every day was miserable for us. No furniture, not a pan to cook in. Every day it discovering one thing or another we needed, even if it was just a pitcher to make cool-aid in. This again was an extreme emotional strain on the entire family. My children had to all enter counseling and are still affected, they will be forever! It took nearly 2 years to settle our court case and the only restitution made was for the value of our home and our acreage. We were back to square one. Because of the situation our credit took a MAJOR hit because of the Insurance company not taking care of the mortgage, as they stated they were working with the bank. We now did not qualify for a loan to purchase a home. We have owned our own home for the last 15 years. Now what! We have managed to finagle a way for us to become homeowners again. It took alot more effort and paperwork than I have ever encountered before. We have been in our home since September. Since the 1st of the year, we have been trying to personalize it to our tastes. And out of the blue on April 26, the day after our 19th wedding anniversary, my 16 yr. old Nephew and our Godson took his own life by a very violent means. He was very close to my children. I excused them from school and got them home, they are now 8, 15 & 17. This time the look was worse. I was doing it again. Breaking their hearts, this time reaching into their souls and taking a piece of that away. They are seeing counselors again. They are all struggling, however I am not strong enough to help them through this. I am putting on my strong exterior and doing my best, but then on the inside I'm lost. I feel myself slipping away. I feel everything from the past coming in and piling up on me. I am having panic attacks and I know I am slipping into a depression, although I am getting pretty good at keeping the world from seeing that "me". How can I be the rock of the family, when I can't even hold myself up? My husband's job keeps him on the road 5/7 days. I don't know how to do it......
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Oh dear one,

I am so sorry for all you and your family have been through and that you seem to have no support yourself. Please reach out to your family (even if they're not nearby), to your community for free support, to local churches... any and everywhere. I'm glad your children are getting some help but you need it to. Can you talk with your doctor? Contact your local Mental Health Services and get on a waiting list for help? Find local clinics and free support groups.

You have had more than your fair share of trials but it's made worse by being basically isolated from any real support. Please keep reaching out and get the help you need and deserve.

And YOU did not break your children's hearts. You were there for them through all of this and were it not for you, it would be so much worse for them.


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