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Loss of a Marriage...
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jaimem318 posted:
Over 3 months ago the man I have stood by through hard times and helped through downward spirals left me just as freedom had come to us the freedom to come and go as we pleased. He was in prison, then on probation and I stood by him and helped him through it all, within 2 months after probation ended he leaves me for a girlfriend he went out with for 1 month 15 years ago, the girl he was with when he went to prison at the age of 17. I love this man even with his past, I have no horror stories from our marriage and courtship the only horror story is he cheated on me and yes that is a bad one to tell and it leaves me feeling lost. I was a faithful, loving and supportive wife, yeah I nagged about things like any human does, but there was nothing I did to make him cheat on me. I can't seem to move on, I feel like I am stuck. His girlfriend is also married and he is not the first guy she has been with since her vows were spoken. She is now pregnant and they are engaged, yet he questions the paternity of the baby. I have tried once in the last 3 months to contact him via text message, she called me and threw insult after insult at me while he stood there, thankfully through the grace of God I didn't throw an insult back I just talked to her like she was 12 and asked her if she was done or does she feel better. I know I am taking the high road, but why do I feel like I am falling into a pit. Through the grapevine and what I can see I know he is miserable with the reality of what he has done and the mythical relationship he thought they had is just that a myth, she is controlling him and keeping him from his family. The shell of my husband is all that is left yet I can't stop wanting him back. I cry at the drop of a pin, sleep comes and goes, I am constantly having to stop my mind from wandering to the "what if's" and "is he doing this or that with her". My dad passed away and that was hard on my mom, but I sometimes wonder if it would have been easier if my husband passed away instead of this. I want to talk to him and ask him so many questions but will the answers really help. How do you survive when the person you were living for has betrayed you and your trust?
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Jaimem and welcome here,

I hope you can soon stop dwelling on his relationship with her. He has not honored his marriage to you nor has he honored you as a person. You deserve better. Keep taking it day by day and move yourself forward... with work, with friends, with hobbies.

It's only three months ago that this occurred so it's not surprising that this is still impacting you so much.

I have been through divorce and then, years later, a loss of a beloved partner. I wouldn't wish either of that on my worst enemy because they are each extremely difficult in their own way.

This IS a loss for you. Allow yourself to grieve that loss, the loss of the dreams you had for yourself as part of a couple, but keep moving forward.


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