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It's been 10 1/2 years but....
iheartcoffee1976 posted:
On December 7, 2000 I lost my best friend to suicide. She was 34 years old and one of the most beautiful, kind hearted, free spirited people I have ever met. I was living with her and her parents at the time and I was the last one to speak directly with her. I told her when I went to bed at 1030 that if she needed to talk to please come wake me up. By midnight she had overdosed on her psych meds.

It's been 10 1/2 years but the pain and heartache and guilt just don't seem to be getting any better. I understand why she did it because I am bipolar as well...but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. She is the only one in my whole life that seemed to truly understand me and accept me exactly the way I am. I have never found a friendship like that again. Is it normal to still be grieving after so many years? Everyone tells me that I should just get over it already...none of them have lost any loved ones to suicide and I just wish the pain and sadness would go away...does anyone have any suggestions? Has anyone lost someone to suicide? I miss her so much...
Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Iheartcoffee,

I think you're right... others who say you should just get over it haven't really lost someone really special to them, and losing someone to suicide can be particularly haunting.

I know if I'd lost my own best friend I'd still be missing her decades later.

I'm sorry she made this choice. I know that when you're in the depths of depression you can't see past the darkness sometimes and the depression does the thinking for you.

It's also, unfortunately, a sad lesson to those who have been left behind, that suicide is never the answer as it leaves so much pain behind.

I'm glad you had her in your life for the time you had. Best friends that special can be rare.

Have you talked in therapy about this and/or considered seeing a therapist specializing in grief?

I hope that others who have lost as you did will post. There have been such discussions here before but this community can be on the quiet side so it may take some time. I hope you'll keep checking back here.

iheartcoffee1976 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thank you for your reassurance and validation of my feelings regarding the comments of others. I have talked about this in therapy but the therapists I've seen always want to focus on my other "issues". Now I'm without health insurance and without a job so it makes it difficult to get the therapy I need.

I am hoping that others will post with their experiences and advice as well. I will definitely be checking back in as often as I can. I think my main issue with her suicide is the fact that the last words I said to her before going to bed were to tell her that if she needed to talk to PLEASE just come wake me up...I was 2 bedrooms away. I have always felt like if I had just stayed up with her that night that she might still be's hard to deal with that sometimes.

Again, thank you so much for responding to my post...I really appreciate it.
Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to iheartcoffee1976's response:
This is just my opinion and I'm not an expert, but when someone gets to the point of suicide, they will find a way, whether you did something differently or not.

So work on taking care of yourself now. (((hugs)))
jankearney123 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:

my sis committed suicide 4 years ago.....................................i don't think i gave the time necessary to grieve her death because i had to do everything and take care of the end. she never had a chance to succeed in life. there was always either father, brother, husband making sure she couldn't succeed! she was a beautiful artist and self taught in oil painting. I have some of her treasures. she painted with love. she had an undiagnosed mental illness. severely depressed. i don't want to go into anymore about it but i completely get where you're coming from.
your bff can be a sis to you too! I have one of those now bff and its really scary. she's overdosed 5 times. she been in and out of aa for 15 years with the longest ever staying in sober was 14 mos. she's getting closer and i hope she gets off her merry go round and learns how to deal! she has a lot of stress in her life with teenage daughter and lover living with her, as well as bipolar bdp, and anorexia nervosa.
i'm so hard to care for. here it is almost midnite and i'm still awake and i have to work tomorrow. best get to bed.

i love coffee too specially the 1976 blend!

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