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Getting over infidelity
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steelmagnolia40 posted:
How do I move on? I was married for 13 years before I discovered that my husband had been cheating through our entire marriage. We divorced. I swore I would never let that happen to me again. My life felt like a lie. My ex husband was living, but everything that I believed was lost. When I started dating again, I was very careful. I didn't want to go through this again. I did get remarried. We dated for about two years before we married. He was older than me...I thought he might be happy to have a younger wife. I thought he loved me and if anyone was ever going to be faithful and loving it was him. He promised me that he was different. He promised that we would be together forever. No more divorce, this was it. He understood that infidelity had caused me so much pain and it was the one thing I asked him not to do. So, I'm sure you can imagine the pain and shock I felt when I found he was posting for sex on craigslist. It's been a week...I'm trying to figure out how I can move forward or if I can. He says he doesn't know what he was thinking. He says he loves me. He says our sex life is good...all things he was saying when he was placing these post. I am devastated. I feel like leaving him would be useless. Why divorce him too? It feels that being faithful is too much to ask and no matter who I'm married to, they will do the same thing. My ex husbands mistress enjoyed telling me that "Any man who dated you would cheat on you. You are incapable of making any man happy." It hurt hearing the woman who was sleeping with my husband say those things...but now it feels like she was right. I know she said those things to hurt me. To make sure I left my husband and let her have him. I'm sure she may have needed to say those things to justify what she had done. To justify perusing my husband. The problem is, now I don't know how to feel, what to believe. I feel broken. I'm just getting through each day. Then I feel overwhelmed by feelings of insecurity, doubt...how do I hear him say he loves me, and believe him? How do I believe him when he says our sex life is good and that it always was, but he doesn't know why he did what he did? I don't feel lovable, or sexy anymore...I did before I knew....but now...I just feel doubt...sadness...lost.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi Steelmagnolia and welcome to WebMD,

I'm sorry for all you're dealing with right now. Unfortunately you're not alone but there are men (and women) who are capable of fidelity.

It is possible to heal from infidelity (or even planned infidelity) but it will take work on both your parts and so this may depend on whether he's willing to do that work. Promises aren't enough. The following article may be helpful:

Overcoming Infidelity

Whether you stay in this marriage or not, I really encourage you to post on our Relationships and Coping community . You'll get a lot of support and feedback there.


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