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Loss of my nephew...I really need help
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An_198074 posted:
This whole thing with my nephew has me all screwed up...I can't express my emotion with the grandmother and especially not the mother because I know their pain is greater. My own son is a year older than my nephew and they had Birthday parties together. I have so much emotion bottled up I can't let it out. I have prayed about it and talked about it with my husband but I just can't grasp the concept that this actually happened. I was there that day I played patty cake with him to keep him awake until the ambulance got there and then drove to the hospital behind the ambulance trying to keep his grandmother calm and this is tearing me up inside and I have nobody who I can talk to without feeling that I am out of place for the simple fact that he #1 wasn't my son #2 I wasn't related to him by blood but he was my baby...I just don't know what to do....I can't let it go...I just don't let anybody know how I am feeling much less show it. How can I deal with this I know it is going to come out sooner or later but as of yet I haven't grieved I am the strong one the one other people can lay on the one who rubs heads and cuddles those who are hurting I am the saver I fix things and I can't fix this. He went into the hospital on Nov 14th and died December 12, 2010 He was 3yrs old... I just don't know what to do I feel so lost....I feel bad bringing my kids around sometimes because I know that their baby our baby is not there.... I see the look in his mothers eyes when my kids are playing and he is absent the scene....I feel bad...it makes me want to take my kids home so she doesn't have a break down...I want to break down sometimes but I just can't seem to let it out....I don't want anybody to see it...not even my husband...I feel like I am going to explode I have no outlet...when I feel myself becoming upset I leave the room or zone out so I can push the emotions back down into non existence until the next time I have to hide it. Please help me.....
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Hi and welcome to WebMD,

I am no expert, just someone who has been around for a while and moderates this community.

I understand why you want to be strong for his mother and for his grandmother, but it's okay to let others in on how you are feeling, including your husband and friends. This is a loss for you too and the loss of a young child affects everyone in the family.

I hope you will allow yourself to grieve. There's no need to bottle it up... you can let it out with supportive friends and your husband.

I am so sorry for your loss.
 
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AuntKat1234 responded:
I had to reply to your post because your tragedy is eerily similar to my own. First off, how are things for you now? Were you able to muddle through the grief and find an outlet? I hope so. Almost 2 weeks ago I lost my 5yr old great-nephew. We aren't sure what exactly happened. His lil heart just stopped. The doctors said it could take up to 8wks before they have any answers. It was so sudden & so devastating. I have so many of the same feelings you had. My niece (who's only 22) is my husband's sister's daughter therefore not making myself & my nephew blood related. But being his mother was so young, raising Julian was truly a family effort. I have 2 children ages 10 & 6. Because I was a stay at home mom (and we live on the same street!) & my now 6yr old wasn't in school yet from the ages of 2 to 4 (when he started Pre-K) my nephew was with me 4 to 5 days a week. I could not have loved him anymore if he was my own! But because I am "just an Aunt" an in-law Aunt none the less I feel like I don't have the merrit to grieve as hard on the outside as I am on the inside. He was so special. He was so amazing. He was my baby as you stated as well. I just wanted you to know that there is someone out there that understands. I am blessed to have close friends & my side of the family to vent to. I would probably be in a padded room if I didn't;) Anyway, I hope you have found peace. It's a process that I'm taking day by day. Sometimes hour by hour. Sending you support & understanding from afar! Take care & hold your babies close.


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