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A Year now and I still hurt =( help!
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Anon_43843 posted:
Hi,

I had some previous post in webmd about troubles in a relationship. this was a while back. I do suffer from depression and anxiety since I was 18 and now I am 26. I finally left the person I was in love with for 4 years. I left him on June 7th. of 2010 is been little over a yr. I suffered so much when I left him I had a lot of depression, but in a way I also had relief after he mistreated me, he abused me mentally, he was controlling, very jealous, alcoholic, didn't have a stable job. anyhow he did a lot of damage to me, emotionally and financially. I been in a relationship since March with this great guy, he knows what I been thru, he treats me so great, my relationship now is so completely different he makes me feel beautiful and he supports me in a lot of things. He is deeply in love with me. and I love him, care for him, I love spending time with him. we always do fun things. I just have a big problem my ex still pops to my mind, and I hate that. I hate that after he hurt me for so long, I still think about him and miss the good things we had. I feel like crying a lot. I don't know why I still think about him like this, I am the one that made the decision to move on, to leave him after being with him for 4 yrs and being close to marriage, I feel so bad cause I am with this great person, but I still miss my ex how is that possible. I don't know what to do. I feel it would only be fair to leave my boyfriend now. cause I feel like a being a hypocrite. I feel confused, I feel very depressed even though I am already on meds, I am not fully happy, and this kills me cause my boyfriend has done so much for me. and he loves me so much. I am also afraid of leaving him then realizing I did the wrong thing. how can I forget my ex and move on. I don't know what to do. who to talk. I cant tell people hey by the way I am with my boyfriend and he is great but I still cry for the abusive ex I had. it just sounds crazy. any advice please. I don't even know if I am in the right community, I am not sure if this is called grief for me. I just need help. I don't want to lose my bf and I want to be happy. I sleep a lot cry a lot and I am always tired, I know is probably part of me being depressed. but I should be happier now. and I just feel like I am not. =( anyone please comment. thanks.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
I am no expert but have found that sometimes being unhappy, even being in unhealthy or abusive relationships, can sometimes become our comfort zone. And why wouldn't it, if that's what we're used to?

One piece of advice I've heard before is to better define what 'being happy' means to you. What would that look like for you? Do you believe you should always be happy 24/7 or is there room for feeling sad sometimes? What would your day look like if you were happy? Once we define that for ourselves, we can go about working towards it.

You say you are on meds but don't say whether you are in therapy. Therapy combined with medication can be very helpful. I really encourage you to work on these issues in therapy.
 
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latina31 replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thanks caprice for your reply I am actually not in therapy I been told I should go for sure. because I been depressed for so long, for different reasons. probably since I was a child I just didnt know it. I was molested as a child. and then my father left us when I was 11. I think all this tregger my anxiety and depression, for long time I didnt know I had it until I was 18 and had anxiety really bad. thats when I started the meds. and therapy, only did therapy for a while. then when I started to feel better I stopped it. but now after being in this bad relationship for 4 yrs. and being so deeply in love with this guy, It had trigger it bad again. and when I talk about been happy I mean feeling good everyday going to work. feeling excited to see my boyfriend all times. cause I don't, I just feel down, sad, like I am missing something. And at this point I am not. I have a great boyfriend he cares so much for me, he treats me so great. I just dont know why I keep thinking about the ex that cause so much pain in my heart, that made me fall in depression again. he put me thru a lot of bad things. he made me feel like I was not worth nothing. but it seems like I keep remembering the good memories. so it makes me miss that. he was very caring at times. when he was not drunk or things where going right for him he would treat me so good. and those are the things I keep remembering. I don't want to remember him no more. it makes me get confused. it makes me feel like I am not being fair to my boyfriend. So happy for me is having a good day, looking forward things including work. having enegry and wanting to do things including cleaning the house. I am just so down that I have no decire to do anything. I force myself to do things even if is something fun. I think I do have much going on and my childhood has a lot to do with my unhappiness. So maybe for sure therapy would help. I am just afraid of losing my boyfriend cause of my insecurity.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to latina31's response:
It sounds like you have a lot of unaddressed issues that really would be helped with therapy.

One step at a time. You don't have to figure all of this out right now. You've been this way for many years, so it will take time and work on your part to heal.

Please get the help you need and deserve. It's not unusual that therapy wouldn't do much for you when you've very young. It sounds like you are now ready to start tackling all of this.

If and when you're ready, you may also want to talk with others on our Sexual Abuse Survivors Community.

You're not alone. (((softhugs)))


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