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Too much loss....
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kristine1951 posted:
I have always considered myself independent and able to take care of myself. But in the past 18 months there has just been too much loss. June 2010 my "heart" dog had to be PTS because of bone cancer. I will never forget my partner Kent gently placing her on a blanket and carrying her to the car for her last trip to the vet. We stopped and got her a hamburger on the way - she perked up enough to eat it and then just went back into herself. I'm not really sure I ever got though grieving from losing her.

Having a dog was really important to Kent's sobriety so we adopted another a week after his "anniversary" in Sept 2010.

Kent and I were together for eight years - some pretty rough times and some great ones. He had been sober just short of three years and always said it was because of my support that he could do it.

He messed up his back by not taking care of it when he was in his 20s and 30s. Enough so that he was considered disabled - needed quite a few pain meds to live any where near a normal life. We were content - although his bad days seemed to be getting a lot worse and more frequent we still enjoyed the good ones. He loved his cat and dog - made friends in our community - kept house so I didn't have to think about anything after working 8 to 10 hour shifts.

August 25 2011 - He was still sleeping when I left for work. I knew he got up during the night and if he was having trouble sleeping he would try to sleep on the couch to not disturb me. As usual I let him sleep because he was kind enough to let me sleep before work.
When I came home that afternoon he was gone. He never got up from when I left. Luckily my family lives very close (almost too close) and gave me all the support I needed. I still can't believe he is gone - going through his things was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I am having a real problem trying to make "our" apartment "mine" now.

After much thought I decided the best choice for both me and the dog (a large energetic lab who was really a "man's dog") was to attempt to rehome him. I got nowhere with any lab rescue organizations - I actually got an unpleasant e-mail from one of them for "not standing by my dog" and "trying to take the easy way out".

I was able to find him a wonderful home with a couple who has plenty of time (and space) for him. But I miss him dreadfully.

I live in a small town surrounded by other small towns - I am not Christian and it seems all the grief resources in the area are faith (Christianity) based. My family has been wonderful but I need more than they can give me.

I just feel to along and hopeless.....
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
I am so sorry for your losses.

The idea of making the home your home... that's a difficult process but can help to pull you forward. It's just often a step forward and a step or two back again. Be kind to yourself.

I'm glad you have so much family support around you. But I also understand how that doesn't ease the dreadful loneliness of having someone you love there for you each and every day.

Do you still have the cat?

Yes or no, would you be interested in a less energetic dog to share your life with? Something smaller, even perhaps older?

I'm sorry for your need to be here but glad you found us. Keep talking here if it helps at all.
 
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bonnieindiana responded:
Too much loss: I read your story...i am so sorry! My story is much like yours...I had been with my Dan for 9 years, we still had our own homes but 2 yrs. ago we decided to move in together...i put it off a year to spring in 2009 March was the Month to be moving (I down sized durring that year) then He found out his 19 yr old Son was going to have a baby. So they would move in with him, I said we should wait another year to let them be settled. He did not want to do that but I insisted... so we waited. in Jan. this year I was at his house for my brithday weekend and we had a great time. We had both just gotten puppies in Aug. of 2010 so they were about 6 months old (choch. Lab and a Shutzu). We were building towards our future together and that night he woke up at 2:00 am and was having a hard time breathing so he went on the couch thinking he had bronc. again. I woke up at 7:30am he looked very tired. He said just could not lay down and breath...he would not go to the hospital until the next day though, with it being Sunday. At midnight that night he then asked his Son to take him in (I had went home, 40 Min. drive because my grandson was coming to stay) Dan called me at 7:30am to say he was in the hospital and they were going to run some tests. I drove there right after work! and stayed with him for the next 2 weeks...he had congestive heart failure and his lungs were filling up...HE was 48yrs old (Diving off the diving board just months earlier in his pool and had been fine). they came back to say he needed heart surgery, which he had a week later. He was not getting better so they decided to transfer him to a larger hospital. He passed away in the ambelance with in 20 minutes into the 2 hrs. drive. He was still on the machines so we had to unhook him as there was no brain activity two days later as he died in my arms... I have been trying to pick up the peices of ME...since then. I am just walking in a cloud most of the time...The tears come like a river when I least expect it...the rest of the time I just feel a deep sadness with in my sole...I am a christian and that has helped I feel God is here for me and I feel him carrying me when i cannot walk alone. I had to go to his house and take my things and bring them to my house (that tore me up)..now I cannot bring myself to remove his stuff from my house, his jammies are still 9 months later setting at the end of the bed, stuff still in the med. cabinet, ect... pictures on the wall...I think most everyone thinks I am doing good because I have started dating a nice guy (not sure about doing that but)...I guess it had helped in giving me something to keep my mind busy...His kids have a nice bit of money now, they both quit their jobs (bought a new car,,,) they are young and think they will be rich forever..He would be sick to see how they are acting at his expence. They are only 18 and 21 so hopefully they will figure out the money will not last forever. Anywho, I hide my pain in missing him from most but when i am alone - god help me it is overwhelming! as a part of me has also died and I am so lost with out him. My Son took his Choc. Lab for me so I still get to have her sometimes...so that is good! I just dont know how to move forward (for real) I fake it most days....others I just cannot hide it.
So I think maybe just know you are not alone and we are here to talk to if you need me - I would love to chat. We r strong thats why they loves us! HUGS to you my friend!


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