Just a few days ago, my former Pastor passed away. He was like a second dad to me. I'm glad he is no longer in pain and am rejoicing that he is home in Heaven. At some point maybe I'll feel like writing more, but just wanted to share I had this loss and it's hard for me. It's hitting me slowly. I have only cried a couple times and still can't like I feel like doing. It is just taking time. I don't know if its normal for it to sink in slowly when it's someone I was very very close to. I'm responding differently to this loss than others I have had. I truly am glad he's no longer suffering, but it's just hard. I don't have anyone to talk to about it really or to share how I feel so maybe in time I can share more how I feel and talk about him. The funeral was yesterday but I didn't get to go. I wish I could have. Thanks for listening.
I wrote this on his online guestbook, thought I would share it. I struggled to get through writing this as it was hard to believe he's gone.
I love Pastor with everything within me and always have. God just allowed me to move to and get the privilege to know him as my Pastor for 3 years. I told him back then, "There will never be another Pastor " and I have not had to eat my words at all. I have never over the years found any other Pastor that could compare to him. He was not only my Pastor but he was a second dad to me. He was there for me when my brother took his own life and his words of wisdom and counsel I still remember to this day. He taught and preached the Word of God and he taught me things in the book of John I never knew before. I still remember one of his sermons very clear that really touched my heart, years later I still remember. I remember him preaching with everything he had even when he was in strong pain. He always kept a Godly focus and attitude. I cherish the many times and usually weekly that they were over at my house and I got to enjoy his company and laughter and jokes. I cherish the trip when I got to ride with them to the campmeeting. He encouraged me and volunteered me into the ensemble and always believed in me in multiple ways. I rejoice that he is home, truly I do and it won't be long before we all join him in glory. But, I have been completely beside myself since I heard two days ago. I love you Pastor and you'll always be my pastor and an adopted second dad. He didn't do a "job" as a Pastor as so many do, but he worked in the "ministry" and he showed me the love of Christ and that ministered to me and left an impact on my heart and life that I'll always hold dear. I'll think of him as I sing and play piano as he used to always encourage me in and everytime I read the book of John he is in my thoughts. I remember him saying "I don't know what we'd do without that last chapter in John." He was the first "real" Pastor I ever had and he did not do a "job" he worked in the "ministry." Big difference. I remember him singing "I Know What It's Like (to have Jesus standing by me)" and "I've Been Rescued" - remember it like it was yesterday. I love you Pastor; thanks for showing Christ like love to me and teaching me the Word, the book of John as well as teaching me more about prayer. I'll think of him when I make pineapple upside down cake, used to always get to make it for him.
I don't think there is any real 'normal' when it comes to grieving... every loss is different and who we are when we lose people at different times in our lives is different. I don't think it's unusual that it takes a while to sink in.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I remember you talking about him often. He clearly touched many lives, including yours.
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