I have been dealing with depression and now anxiety/panic attacks for a couple of months now. In 2009 my husband had a serious GI bleed that required 8 tranfusions. He eventually got out of the hospital but they never did find the cause. That seemed to start everything. A childhood friend passed away,my sister in law passed away, my father in law (we live with them) passed away suddenly in the home, an uncle died of cancer, my Dad passed away very unexpectedly from pneumonia, I took on a big role of caring for my Mother who has alzeihmers and a brother in law was the latest to die a few months ago. It seems like it will never end and I'm always waiting for the next one. I am also the one everyone relies on in both families so I feel I have to be strong and in control all the time. My husband has been on medical leave for a year because he couldn't cope with it all. He got very anxious all the time and couldn't leave the house. I started crying for days at a time and snapping at my family. I couldn't sleep when my Dad died and started taking a prescription sleeping pill. I was taking it for a year before I finally "crashed" and just couldn't cope anymore. I am seeing a therapist and a phyciatrist, taking anti depressants to try to help. The side effects are horrible and I have switched 3 times so far. I used to be such an upbeat person, looked on the bright side. Somedays now I could care less. I want my old life back.
I have a few years like that and we became afraid to pick up the phone because it seemed like it would only be more bad news for the family.
You are dealing with so much loss and it doesn't sound like you have a lot of support aside from the professional ones. I'm very glad you're getting help there, but perhaps start reaching out to friends too and find ways to give to yourself. I also hope that your husband is getting his own help and that the two of you can together start finding reasons to smile.
I lost a lot of people in a short amount of time; then over a longer period of time. I lost myself and got sick. I wanted my old life back, too, but that wasn't going to happen.
After a lot of treatment and putting myself first, I was able to develop a support system of friends. Now I don't have all of my eggs in one basket, so to speak. And good memories of the deceased, for the most part, have replaced the sad memories.
I've filled my life with activities, as well: knitting, crocheting, painting, writing, groups with similar interests to mine, like sign language, belly dancing alone with DVDs and in groups, etc, and I still go for individual and group therapy.
It took 11 years before they finally got medication that worked for me; that was quite difficult, but I never stopped believing.
I still miss the loved ones, but from a different view point, and in a different way. I guess I've found acceptance, which has brought me a kind of peace.
I hope that you will be able to look on the bright side of each day again.
"I lost a lot of people in a short amount of time; then over a longer period of time. I lost myself and got sick. " I can't tell you how this sentence speaks to me! Today is the first day in longer than I can remember that I feel ok. I have been sleeping better the last 2 days and I think the medication may finally be working. I am going to see a grief councellor when I feel a bit stronger and I'm hoping that will help me deal with all the loss. Thank you so much for your kind words and helpful suggestions. (and I've always wanted to try belly dancing!)
I just wanted you to know that what you wrote speaks to me, so we're even! (lol!)
My cat died of cancer February 22, 2012. Not all of my friends are pet owners, so many of them don't understand. So, I'm going to go to a pet bereavement support group. I had her from six weeks of age to nearly 14 years of age. I miss her greatly.
Since I'm an artist, I will include her in my art work. I'm so glad she graced my life for as long as she did. Maybe I'll do a belly dance for her!
larsstarscanary, About 4 months after my father in law passed away, we started looking for another dog.I found that everytime I pulled in the driveway, it was like a wet blanket dropped on me and I was sick of walking into a hurting house. I had a wonderful working dog for 14 years and couldn't fact replacing her, plus my kids were small and it seemed like adding alot of extra work at that time. My husband found us a puppy, I picked her up. We brought her home without letting anyone know and it was the best decision we ever made. She was like a ray of sunshine when you got home. You just couldn't help but smile when you saw her. Now I'm so sorry that I waited so long. She is definitely "my" dog and waits in the bay window for me everyday. I really think she helped me carry on and even when I finally broke, she was there all the time, not judging or pushing, just being there and loving me when it felt like no one else did. I'm so very sorry to hear about your cat and I do understand the devastation you must feel. The only thing I will say is that if you can remember how good she made you feel, think about getting another. I think I focused on the end result of owning another dog and lost sight of how many great moments there are the rest of the time. Know what I mean? Take care.
I know what you mean K8. I have my 2 other cats; I'm going to try to give them more attention, and adjust my budget accordingly--I'll be able to feed the other 2 without straining so much with increasing prices each month, and pay off the vet bill a little faster.
I did see a lovely white cat with yellow eyes that a pet rescue group had, but I'm resisting temptation till after I go to the pet loss support group for a while.
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