Grief & Loss Community

I meant to say Caprice, accidentally typed name wrong.

Dear one,

I am so very sorry about the rape and really hope you have some support around you. If you cannot go to a therapist, consider calling RAINN and/or posting on our own Sexual Abuse Survivors board (we also support those who have been raped as adults).

I'm a big believer in thanksgiving being the key to happiness in the long run. But that doesn't mean we don't need support along the way too. ((((softhugs))))

Please take care of yourself.

thanks i dont have any support caprice. posting on a board is too vulnerable for me right now. im just upset about a lot of things going on in my life. nothing is going right and i feel awful, am up late being sick. im holding on to everything with a thread, i just have so much stress in my life along with the abuse as well. could use hugs, write more soon. thanks.

If you let others in to help you, that stress could be eased. Please keep reaching out, if not regarding the rape, but at least in general. Let your church and pastor support you too.

(((((((((hugs))))))))

hi caprice,
I sure don't like posting about my issues. I'd rather be helping here again, always was glad to get to do that. I've tried finding those I could let in to help me and haven't had any success unfortunately. I dont know where to reach out anymore, just had another disappointment today and cried for a while. My pastor hasnt been supportive..he's not trained in some of it and has been gone for a while...telling him hasnt helped..so am looking for other ways of help and a more supportive church.

Sorry to hear all that, Smiles. You know you are always welcome here. (((hugs)))

Hi Caprice,
Thanks. I love this community group here. It has been one of my favorites for years. I've appreciated being able to share as well as hope that my feedback to others has helped them.

I'm managing and doing the best that I can. I'll share a little more. Last year I went through 4 losses (the most recent being in November and was the former pastor I had..he and his wife were like a second mom and dad to me...I cried some but haven't fully grieved...going to make time as soon as I can to write a letter that I would have given to the pastor or just do some writing to share how I feel/felt about him...writing seems to be the best way I have to express myself). Also, last year I dealt with a job that was an unethical work environment until I could find a new job to go to, went through dental surgery and complications with healing from it because of medical malpractice, changed jobs and lost the new job with a cut back on a budget and a previous worker hired back that made less money than I was and wanted her job back because she didn't like the one that she went to so they hired her back and cut me even though they gave me an extra $2 per hour and asked me many times to work for them because they wanted my skills, decline in health and weight gain due to stress..was my worst year ever.

Then two days before Christmas, was raped completely. I have been through a lot. On top of job hunting, trying to make decisions re: moving, trying to get my apt packed because of an issue with the apt here that violates a health code I need to move to a better apt either here or if I move to a new town. At this point, with all the emotional stress I've gone through I don't have it in me to move. So job hunting, packing, being enrolled in college full time online finishing my bachelors degree, family issues, financial issues, health issues and applying for financial assistance and finding doctors to establish with, then the rape happened. So I've been dealing with medical and emotional and legal. I'm having to find a good attorney and psychologist and better regular doctor right now. I was seeing a counselor for a little while, but he doesn't seem to be much help and am not sure he's going to be a right fit, so going to keep looking. So, all of it is certainly overwhelming. What seems to help is that I need to learn to take breaks. I still have physical injuries from the rape as well and am still in pain. I don't tolerate medicine so there's nothing they've tried for pain that I'm able to take and unfortunately rest or counseling are the only things that help. Today I woke up so tired I hardly wanted to get up. College and the other things keep me busy but I've learned I need to take time for me and to rest. I have created boundaries with my family who is out of state because they are pressure and stress to me. So setting healthy boundaries feels good and helps. There's so much that I can't control but at least I can control what I can and do what is helpful for me. I"ve been very assertive and proactive through all of this; I'm more of one to accomplish things and get results rather than to lay around focusing on how I "feel." I appreciate this thread and that I can share. I'm not saying repressing emotions is healthy, but I'm also not one to be lazy or totally absorbed in how I feel. So to have a place to share how I feel is helpful and healthy. I'm doing better than I was last weekend. I went through some of a deeper depression that scared me. I have been open enough to talk to the doctor and the counselor about how I feel and how deep the depression got with all the stress I'm under. I think I surrpised them with my very openness and honesty, but it's easier to say things straight out and I"m their best source of information so I make them listen and not leave the room until I'm done. I take charge of the appointments at least with the dr. Otherwise, what's the bill for? I'm also trying to find more support. Thanks Caprice!

Additionally, other than writing if you have any other ideas on ways to grieve I would appreciate it. I'm going through so much all at once that my body has been getting my attention that things are too much.

Hi Smiles,

Writing was always a great tool for me too, through loss, through rape, through abuse.

Support groups are helpful as well, online and in the real world. So perhaps you might want to look into those in your community and/or church. Connecting with others through shared issues can be healing.

I really do hope you end up getting real support re the rape, dear one.

Music, inspiring videos, getting outside in nature (for a walk or even just sitting on a bench if that's all you can manage right now), etc., all can help.

Perhaps once all the dust settles on your living arrangements, you could consider a pet as well.

thanks caprice.
been seeing a counselor, but just doesnt seem the talking through this trauma is going fast enough. im too tender to talk a lot about it now but i dont know if someone else could be better able to help, not sure.

ive been looking around for someone else, but its hard without insurance or income.

I went through a rape years ago and ended up on the rape crisis line several times late at night and in the early morning.