Grief & Loss Community

Can you volunteer somewhere?

I lost my husband in July 2011and it seems there are days I don't have time to think, but other days it is a constant reminder that he is not here. Today, I was having a bad day; everything reminds me of him. I think I am going to make myself crazy and then my minds trails off to some other thoughts that occupy my mind for a moment. I don't dream of him and I think that is weird. I have a hard time relating to other people regarding my grief because I feel it is different from other grief. I have been through a parent and grandparent death. I just feel with a spouse it is a greater impact, reason being he was my support, my friend, and he shared in the daily events of life. Now, I am raising my daughter alone and trying to run a household without him. I live in a house that has become a burden. I mow the lawn and fix things around the house. I am happy for the neighbors I have. The neighbors help out as much as they can. I think I need to hear that there are others out there.

TTYS5829 I am so sorry for your loss.... I will agree the loss of a spouse is totally different...My husband was also my best friend and I have a difficult time seeing other couples together and it reminds me of what I no longer have....I have felt and still have those same feeling of everything reminding me of him....I did not dream of my husband until just this past year...he has been gone 2 yrs. and 5 months....I know you will find comfort in the joy of your daughter...it is a hard road...learning to live without the we, us or our is challengeing...you are not alone in the feeling you have...I hope this has brought you alittle comfort knowing that you can come to this site and others will respond and offer help.....I wish you well and pray your heart can heal..

wifeofnamvet: thank you for your response. It has now been a year since my husbands death and I still find that I don't belong anywhere. I am trying to find other interest to occupy my time. I do spend more time with my daughter. I hope things take a turn for the better, I really would want to be my old self again; a person with ambition and direction. It is comforting to know that others feel the same way and I do wish that our hearts heal from this tremendous wound. It is in God's hands.

I lost my husband this past June 2012, and due to his long term battle with cancer, I was a strong patient advocate and caregiver for him. Now, the loss of him along with my own physical and emotional problems has been an unbelievable journey. Yes, I too, lost loved ones previously who I grieved for and still miss, but I agree that the loss of a spouse is like no other. You might want to check with your local hospitals or support groups who may have a "spousal loss" group to join. I have recently found one through our hospital and have attended a couple of meetings. I have never been to a support group, but I am willing to do whatever work I have to do to survive. I couldn't help but feel in the meeting that everyone there was experiencing the same type of pain and symptoms of their loss as I was - this helped to validate my own feelings and thoughts. Hopefully I will hear from some of them on how they have been able to push beyond in their journey to move forward and learn something new to try. Sometimes family and friends back away from talking about grief after a while, but talking with someone who is experiencing grief over the loss of a spouse can be enlightening. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! I keep reminding myself that although I do not have family living around me and not too many friends in my area, I know that someone out there truly understands. Yes, I also understand about you wanting to get your life back, and your husband would surely want this for you and for your daughter. This is what I keep reminding myself when I am struck with fear and anxiety over how I will get through this difficult time. It sounds like you are a believer in God, and I am also, and I know He is carrying me through each day - one moment at a time sometimes. Be gentle with yourself and patient and look for any SMALL improvement each day or each week - that will encourage you. I hope that at least one thing I said may be of help to you during your struggling times. God Bless you and your daughter and may you find joy at some point once again in your life.

An_248369:

Thank you for sharing your story and I know that it is difficult to write what you are feeling and to have it all out in public view. I do appreciate this feedback. I have now been with out my husband for 17 months at it seems like an eternity. I still don't dream of him...I wonder if it is just me doing this to myself. I wish things could be as it was when he was here, but I know that would be impossible. I have two grown children that are acting like idiots because of the male dominance thing. These children would not have considered any such actions if Dad were here, and it makes me sick to think that they are not even considering what I have been thru and still going thru, and they're adding to the mix of things. I tried grief counseling and groups. The ones available to me are the grief counseling and it is available for all who lost a loved one. I didn't feel it is personal enough for me. I just wish that if I am to meet someone else in this lifetime, make them available and visible to me. Thank you for listening and I thank the person who thought of this site, because it does help. I know I won't receive an answer today but I know I will receive one eventually. Thanks again!