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Loss of Significant Other
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SR71blackbird posted:
I just lost by boyfriend (husband) of 15 years earlier this month (on 3/7). We never got married but had lived together for the last 6+ years. He has a strong dislike of hospitals due to being a britle diabetic (type 1).
He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and we think that with the diabeties is what took him. I can't help but feel like i shoudl have done more to help him, even though he would not let me. I do have anexity issues & am taking medication. The depression is now starting and really affecting my ability to work and get things done at home. Any suggestions how to cope or get past this?
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bonnieindiana responded:
I feel your pain..I lost my Boyfriend (husband) of 9 yrs - a year ago in Feb....it seems just like yesterday...to conjustive heart failure as well...he had not been sick or anything then just one day he could not breath....after surgery and two weeks he was gone. I know there is NOTHING I can say to ease your pain.....the depression is so hard to handle most of the time in the first 9 months I don't even want to say what my thoughts were....BUT.....you have to just take it one s-e-c-o-n-d at a time - BREATH and tell your self its going to be ok....he is ok....You just have to make your self do something! more everyday.....and the next day too......its hard but you have to do it! We have to......I know, I dont want to either but ....just breath!!!! soon you will be able to find a smile, and one day you will find a day of no tears...believe me they will still come - sometimes unexpectly....but you will figure out how to just put one foot in front of the other one again.......so just wanted to let you know you are not alone - BIG HUGS!!!!
 
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wifeofnamvet responded:
SR71blackbird...I am so sorry for your loss...we all have those feelings of thinking we should have done more... but i think when a person knows it is close to their time to leave us i think they try to show their strenghth to make it easier on the ones they love.....grief is a rollercoaster of emotions and it is very early in your grief....the best suggestion i can give you is to try grief counseling..there are very caring people in hospice grief counseling and it is no cost if finances are an issue....please try..i hope i have helped....i pray your heart can heal....
 
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Nanainlove responded:
I have lost family members, but never a spouse. It is my biggest fear. Once I read an article by a psychologist who said if someone you love has passed and you feel you have issues unresolved you should put an empty chair in front of you and sit in your own chair and speak to that loved one as if he/she were physically present. Maybe you could speak to your boyfriend about how bad you feel that you could not do more to help him. I'm sure on some level you already know you did what you could. But talking it out with him might let you express all those worries you are dwelling on but not dealing with. Imagine what he would say to you. I hope this comforts you. You have my heartfelt care for you to feel better.
 
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bonnieindiana responded:
Just wanted to check in and see how you are doing....its been a while since you have been on here and almost another year has passed....I hope you are doing ok, you never get over loosing them - just learn how to live with the loss. God bless you and I hope you are ok....Just a friend.
 
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thiamarie1 responded:
SR71blackbird, there is truly nothing you more you could have done. When a person has diabetes they must take responsibility for taking care of themselves and no matter how much you try to encourage them to do so, it will only happen if they want to do it. Congestive Heart Failure is directly connected with uncontrolled diabetes. I tell you this because I just lost my husband of 23 years on Dec 13, 2012, to the same thing. He was diagnosed with diabetes 15 years ago and I constantly tried to make him eat right, excercise, take his medication, and monitor his sugar levels. About 5 years ago he started getting numbness in his feet but that still did not change him. Two years later he stepped on a nail that he did not feel and by the time he realized it, it had become grossly infected and they thought they would have to amputate his foot. Six months of aggressive treatment of antibiotics and it finally healed. That still did not change him. 2 years ago, he had his first CHF episode and was in the hospital for a week. Still no change. For the last 2 years his body was continually having problems with CHF then his kidneys started failing and he had to go on dialysis last year. At this point he was finally beginning to understand that he needed to make a change, but it turned out to be too little, too late. He died December 13, 2012. The one thing that I know is that I tried everything I could to get him to change his lifestyle, but like your boyfriend, he did not take it seriously enough to make the change to prevent himself from going into such a steep decline, not realizing they lacked the strength to climb out of it until it was too late. So don't beat yourself up, you did what you could. I loved my husband and I miss him terribly. The incredible since of loss is overwhelming at times but I know that I did what I could and he is in a better place now because he is no longer in pain. I pray that you will find comfort in my story and know that things will get better with time.


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