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    loss of my babygirl while with child
    lostinthepast posted:
    Not sure how to do this. i am very familar with death. lost my dad at 16 in my arms, and lots of death. But a year and half ago I lost the love of my life! my 23 year old daughter that was just a month pregant, i had to id her body. the pain is like 2 minutes ago. and the truth is in my heart of hearts there was foul play. see we lived together, we were joined at the hip but when i id her, there wasn't a hair out of place, a bloody bath towel and a messy motel room. i was just with her not 12 hrs before. but my girl used and i am stressing used to use heroin. she was so clean, all she ever wanted was a child. the m.e . and the police said it was death by heroin overdose by injestion. meaning it was placed in food or drink and the amount not controlled. most heroin addicts never injest. cuz they cannot control the amount. but i knew my girl, she would never of done that. when she used in the past it was with a needle, but she did it all the methodone clinic, counslers , therapy all of it. she was so happy her and i bought a place to raise the baby. this was just to say good bye to a bad boy in her life that was not suppose to be out of jail and was but the issue is this, i never have peace. and it is not just a moms intuition, cuz i brought someone with me and he even said there was foul play. my other daughter wont let me persue the issue, but my gut mind and heart wont let me move on. i see her every time i close my eyes i hear her saying momma thats the way she said it. she was so happy i died with her. anyone understand? not stupid here, i do see a physc. maybe talking will help me. thank you. i cry out to her all the time. i need her, she left me to fight the fight of life alone. and yes i do believe in God. I don't know how to move on, I dont' drink, once every 6 months, i dont do drugs, except what is perscribed which i was ive been on for 15 years for anxiety and i cannot take anti depressences, i have a sentivity, but ppl i lost 7 jobs this year i dont function. i fake it. lost in love with my lost child. kicker is i have another daughter, but i cannot be there for her she is so different, always has been. i try.

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