Grief & Loss Community

I don't know if you are suppose to reply to your own message but it's been another one of those days. I took mom to the hospital to get her chemo treatment and her blood levels were way off so they couldn't do it. They found alot of fluid in her lungs that they think are coming from her scirocis of the liver but its filling up faster now. Scotty, the son that I lost is always the one that I go to about this stuff to talk about and he helps me through it but he isn't here anymore to ride over with us or talk about it. I miss talking to him about it. The rest of the family doesn't call mom or visit mom, they have pretty much written her off. Even her grandkids. The only people in the family that she sees is me, her oldest daughter, my husband, and our three kids that we have left at home. Scotty would come visit every day and call constantly. Every where I look for answers and everything I think I think of Scotty and if he was here it would all be better. He was no angel being a 23 year old man but when I needed something he was there! And it didn't matter what it was! We were best friends. My 25 year old daughter doesn't come around anymore. We have seen her trice since the funeral and it hurts my youngest son and me! Eventually found out that Mom is getting alot worse. her liver is shutting down faster now. I feel i could be doing more but don't know what. If I wasn't so wrapped up in missing Scotty maybe I would be doing something different! The holidays are coming and me and Scotty would put the christmas lights up together! I don't know how I'm even gonna be able to do that! My husband is trying but he is trying to give me space and says Scotty wasn't an angel just remember that but your gonna get mad ievery time I say that to you! No he wasn't an Angel BUT HE WAS MY SON! AND I MISS HIM SOO MUCH! How do I handle both things at once? I am going crazy! Please help me!

Dear Lostmomofmorethanone,
Don't try to handle everything at once. You are not going crazy! You are grieving! You lost a big important part of you. I myself have not lost a son, so I won't pretend to know what you are feeling. What I will tell you, is that thinking of what it feels like to have lost my Mom (who was/is my Best Friend-my go to person), you're hurting BIG time. And right now it feels like you aren't strong enough to handle it.
Please don't feel like you aren't doing enough for your mom. She might not be able to tell you or doesn't know how to put it in words, but she is grateful for your love and company. What you are giving her by being there to help and support her, is far more than what any doctors can do. Talk with your mom share with her your favorite memories of your childhood, times that you and Scotty shared with her, etc. Tell her how much she means to you. This will be a comfort for both of you.
Continue to talk to Scotty, tell him how and what you're feeling. Tell Scotty your favorite memories of him. He is with you and talking will help. Won't cure, but will help.
Scotty sounds like he was a great person. Though, he may not have been an angel, He still could be counted on to be there when the chips were down. That is huge!
I don't know if your son's passing was recent, but it sounds as if it was, so that will make things harder to process. You have a lot going on, all at once. Try to take a few moments during the day, to have some me time. Even if it is only five minutes, use it to write down a memory, look at photos, feel the grief and let it out. Breathe deeply. You can do this, You are Scotty's Mom! Remember to take it one step at a time. (and those steps are baby steps) Feel free to write back, it won't fix everything, but it will help. I hope what I said can help you. ((((Hugs))))