Grief & Loss Community

A few years ago I lost a baby at seven weeks, reason unknown. I found out back in august we was expecting, I was scared out of my mind. I found out a week before christmas we was having a girl, but the same day we found out she had a birth defect called encephalocele. After talking to numerous specialist we found out that her's could not be fixed. When she was born she would never cry or move, she would basically be a vegetable. They also told me that due to the brain developing outside of the skull the fluid was attacking her brain and along with movement in the womb it was causing her pain. Due to complications and worries for my life the doctors enduced me and I gave birth naturally on 01/11/2013 to a beautiful baby girl we named Nevaeh Alynn, who was in almost everyway her fathers double. She only lived for an hour and seven mins.Her father, my future husband had to leave the hospital and travel 2 & 1/2 hours home the night before for work. He wasent there when she was born nor was he there when she passed. I wasent prepared for anything I have been through. Nobody ever told me that I would need to get insurance while my child was in the womb, nor did I know how to have a funeral let alone what was appropriate or not. These past few weeks seem like a blur and honestly a lifetime has seemed to pass since that moment. I miss my baby girl so much and wish things was different. I know rationally things couldnt have been different but I still wish there was. Im so sick of everyone telling me how sorry they are and telling me things will get better. I feel like a monster because im not lying in bed crying everyday. I do break down but I dont let anyone see me. In the past few weeks I have lost my daughter, my job, and I was kicked out of school because I lost my aid because I failed one class last semester due to my pregnancy. I feel so lost and have no clue what to do with my life. I honestly dont feel like I am the same person I was just less than a month ago. I feel like nothing will ever be the same. Will it?