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    My childs father passed away
    An_251131 posted:
    So In Oct. 2012 my child's father died. He was murdered and they never found who did it. There was alot of drama involved. His girlfriend dissappeared, and everyone blamed him, but he said he didnt\'t know anything. Well, her body was found in a field, and the pilice were really on him, but he was nowhere to be found. It turned out he wasn't hiding, he was also dead. His body was found about 2 weeks after hers. Anyways, It's been almost 6 months since all of this mess and I still cry everyday. Me and him were best friends before we decided to be together. We had our child in 2009, and broke up in 2010. I just don't know how I am going to explain this all to her. She didn't know him. The last time she was him she was about 21 mos old. I have so much guilt and sadness built up. I never wanted him to die. It hurts because he died thinking I hated him, and I didn't. I had nothing to do with him because of the drugs, and the BS he would put me through. He was upset with me because I got married and had another child with my husband. But I always cared for him, and all I ever wanted was for him to grown up and make something of his life and not waste it all. He knew he was going down a dark path. He wrote poems about it. He knew he was lving a dangerous lifestyle. I didn't know or cre what he was doing with his life at the time, but like I said, I never thought it would have ended this way. So many things were left unsaid between us, and to be honest I would type my fingers down to the bone if I talked about it all. I just imagined that one day me and him could have been friends, and he could have been a part of our child's life. Because when he was around, he loved her very very much. It seems like I wake up each day feeling such a deep sadness, and I cry.....and the sting from it all still hurts just as bad as it did the day I found out. I feel like I'll never be ok. Maybe there is somebody out there that can relate or talk to because I have no one. Thank you for reading this.
    BrownEyes2103 responded:
    I am in a very similar situation as you. My daughter's dad was killed in October 2012. She was 9 at the time and is now 10. She knew who he was but did not have a close relationship with him due to the fact that he got into drugs and went down that same dark road and landed himself in prison for 6 out of the 9 years of her life. I thought he was going to get out and get his life together only to find out that he was selling drugs from work release. He was shot and killed the day before he was supposed to get out. It was gang related. Telling my daughter was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. She was devastated. I think about him everyday. He was my high school sweet heart. We hadn't been together since my daughter was 2 years old, so for seven years but he was my first everything. I loved him so much. We both knew we would never get back together and were actually able to have a conversation about it a year or so before he died. But like you, I never thought it would end this way. It has only been 6 months for me as well so I don't know if there is anything I can do or say to help you. Maybe just knowing you are not the only one helps or just having someone to talk to. If you are interested I am on facebook. I hope you are doing better since your post. I know it is hard. The most important thing to do is just be there for your daughter. God Bless!

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